Biology of Dads

,    »  -   126 Comments
1.8k
7.51
12345678910
Ratings: 7.51/10 from 55 users.

Storyline

Biology of DadsEvery child needs a father is a phrase heard often enough, but is there any evidence to support it? In this enlightening documentary, child psychologist Laverne Antrobus goes on a quest to discover why a dad's relationship with his offspring is so important. She uncovers fascinating new research which is shedding light onto the science of fatherhood.

Laverne meets a new dad who is experiencing Couvade Syndrome, a condition sometimes known as sympathetic pregnancy. She is keen to explore if the symptoms - which are similar to those felt by pregnant women, such as nausea and sickness - might be physiological as well as psychological. The dad takes a blood test shortly after the birth of his third child and Antrobus discovers that hormones could be the cause of his symptoms: possibly nature's way of priming him to become a more nurturing father.

Laverne then meets one of the UK's leading experts in the father's role within the family. While observing father and toddler play in his lab, she finds out how the rough-and-tumble play they witness is classic dad behavior. It is believed that this type of fatherly play is essential in teaching toddlers the boundaries of aggression and discipline.

In the final investigation, Antrobus looks into recent research which claims that men who have a good relationship with their daughters can influence the kind of husband the daughters choose. The study also found that girls whose fathers were absent during their formative years tend to reach puberty sooner and age quicker. Laverne recruits a team of married women to take part in one final, fascinating experiment.

More great documentaries

Comments and User Reviews

  • KooKookaChoo

    wow, makes me really appreciate my dad's point of view - especially the part about "not going out dressed like that" lol! but it was neat what the researcher said in response to that kind of logic. I feel really lucky that my dad was always an active participant in my life and this documentary reminded me of that.

  • Noah York

    Bullshit! I'm So glad I never had a Dad.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Parker/514215942 Steven Parker

    It's blocked in the UK it seems.

  • http://www.facebook.com/yi.w.qian Yi Wen Qian

    I think this documentary highlights how important fatherhood is, and that it's not just a sociological but a biological thing. I think fathers are almost stigmatised in society today, because people seem to view it as a trap rather then something to be celebrated. I hope that society catches up to fact that fatherhood is perfectly natural, with a biological basis.

  • Norm

    My sympathies to you. For me that's like saying, "I'm so glad I never had that Billion dollars!"

  • http://twitter.com/elenor09 Elenor ??

    in my country, we have this kind of belief that if you are pregnant and you dont want to undergo the symptoms of pregnancy (morning sickness, craving for lots of food, etc) you should step over your husband and he'll be the one to bear it all... now i know that the scientific explanation to that through this docu...

  • Noah York

    I'm SOOOOOO glad I never had a Billion dollars!

  • adilrye

    I've heard a theory that fatherhood is something that makes humanity wholly unique. There aren't any other complex species in existence (as far as we know) where the father takes a role in providing for the child...except for us. Thus, fatherhood has an immensely important biological and psychological function as well.

    And of course, the powerful cultural and social notions of what a father is and does, are fascinating to analyze as well. Personally, I feel fatherhood is a beautiful thing.

  • http://www.thesussexseo.co.uk/ David Hawkins

    Yep, I'm in the UK too. Google: Hotspot Shield.

  • KooKookaChoo

    actually, fathers are the primary and in cases the sole care provider in fish -- there is an interesting theory regarding parenting roles and the method of reproduction: in mammals, for example, insemination occurs inside the female and so she is "stuck" raising the offspring and the male is free to leave; in fish, females lay the eggs outside of their bodies and the males must inseminate them after they are laid, this means the female can leave right after laying eggs and the male is "stuck" caring for and defending nests - there are exceptions to any rule, of course, but it seems to be the general trend.

  • knowledgeizpower

    Having a father figure in your life is important there are things that a child must learn that a mother cannot give that a father can and there are things that a father cannot give that a mother can...I did not grow up having my biological father around I knew him just was not connected to him...I did have a father figure that I learned from that helped guide me..thats so important great film...Peace

  • http://www.facebook.com/ERTOX Dave-tox Lampert

    sorry. ignorant. see birds. reptiles. fishes. Find out your facts for yourself.

  • http://willconley.info/ Will Conley

    There's some science and some pseudoscience in this documentary, but overall it's worth the one hour viewing time, especially for those who are interested in what it means to be a man in the 21st century.

  • Mowgli33

    I will openly admit my bias. I am a single father, not part time but every day from runny noses to parent conferences to awards - full custody. I wouldn't change a thing. My father missed out on the joys of child rearing. He was/is a good man but those were womanly duties. I have a 7 yr old son who is rough and tumble but will still give me a hug or kiss and shout " I love you" in front of his friends. With that said, if anything,he is missing out on a good mother figure. I am blessed to be the one who helps him learn to skateboard and also how to bake, to build a rocket and to snuggle with for bedtime story. in my opinion being father helps make me a better man and person. Again this is only my experience .

  • firefly88

    this doc made me appreciate my father more,even though i only had 16 good yrs with him...i can relate to growing up faster without a father...

  • His Forever

    Firefly88:
    I sometimes worry my time with my kids will be short also. It's very important to me to let them know how much I love them now, so even if I'm with them for a short time only they'll be ok. What did your dad do right that made you appreciate him?

  • His Forever

    KooKooKaChoo: Seahorses take it a step further and the males actually get "pregnant" and carry the litters inside them. Just visited the Oceanarium in Manila, thank you very much! :-)

  • KooKookaChoo

    They sure do! they carry the offspring in a pouch like a kangaroo - so cool! and male fruit bats actually lactate, except there is a bit of controversy as to whether they actually feed young or not.

  • firefly88

    C_and_N
    id ran out of space if i'll tell u the things my father did for us...
    but i guess i can sum it up to two things..unconditional love and time..the former is a given while the latter is a bit hard specially in this time and age when everyone seems to be too busy with something..my father,tho bz with work and other stuff, always finds time to be with us..

  • His Forever

    Ha! I thought of this doc this morning. Dawn: The time when my 3-year-old decided Daddy was the perfect shape and texture for "Tonka Mountain" complete with singing and car sounds. She said something about "Daddy, I love you too much!" as she drove her brother's car up and over tummy blubber cliff at least a dozen times. She's been an early bird from day one. Her brother is a night owl. I would add "sleep deprivation" to the list of "unconditional love and time" for any good parent in this generation. :-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Draw-Vinette/100002174773347 Draw Vinette

    This is a GREAT documentary and very true when it comes to the changes in dads after their first child is born. Before kids I worked 12 hour days, was easily irritated, aggressive and controlling. After three kids you would not have recognized me. Easy going stay at home dad home schooling the kids. Problems? What problems? Very patient. Very easy going. Very co-operative with the needs of my kids. Do kids change the biology of dads? Absolutely!

  • His Forever

    10+ documentary!

    Ok, funny true story time: While Watching the part about dads checking the newborn for his own physical characteristics, I thought about when my son was born (in Asia) and the first non-Korean born in that particular clinic, I made all the nurses mad at me following him around making sure they didn't "switch" him with another baby! Only later did I laugh at myself realizing I would have known pretty quick if they had given me a full-blooded Korean instead of my own little darling mix!

    Question: Is voilence against step children (not your own) such as shaken baby syndrom, greater than among your own biological children?

  • His Forever

    Iz: You're right---it's better with two! No one can replace mom at bed time, especially. My baby girl soon realized everything about dad is uh . . . . . . . ornamental! Blush. ;-) Also, according to my baby (and/or son), I can't wipe her bottom like mom, cut apples like mom, give her a bath like mom (No Dad! Pink soap!), make breakfast oatmeal like mom, sweep the floor like mom . . . I can't even properly put the darn toothpaste on the toothbrush like mom! But only dad can do the Daddy Danger Dance (which involves high-speed circles and/or being upside-down like a bell clapper (ding-dong!), or both at the same time)! Ha ha ha!

  • firefly88

    lol..i can imagine what my parents went through when i was in my toddler yrs.i used to wake up at around 3 to 4 am and literally shout at the top of my lungs that im hungry and needs to eat asap.this happened everyday for years...

  • Guest

    I was a lucky one for having a father that was truly inspiring, soft, funny, strong, hard working, multi tasker and a great lover and teacher of nature. Now that i am a grown woman what i recognize the most in him is that he was always a great man for my mom. At 75 and 77 they are still this almost perfect couple walking hand in hand, kissing all the time, giving each other attention and patience and loving their kids equally. I was truly lucky!
    GOOD DOC!
    az

  • SashaOT

    I don't know how they could come to this conclusion when they can't test 2 treatments on the same sample to see if the same individual would come out with different results. Not very reliable.

  • SashaOT

    I don't know how they came to these conclusions because they can't compare the results of 2 treatments on the same individual; with dad and without dad. Even the voice recognitions. There are other possible variables that could effect. This is not reliable nor valid.

  • knowledgeizpower

    Yeah its good with having both a mom and dad C @ N, AWW such sweet stories to share Lol makes me smile ;)....

    @Az Like your share of your story too Lol... @Pysmythe I Think You Will Enjoy This One :)...Peace

  • His Forever

    SashaOT:

    I've read that about voice recognition in my baby book as well. This was just a quick synopsis, not a complete scientific exposition on the subject. They concluded that that newborns were more likely to be "calmed" by the sound of the voice of the man that was in the house while the mother was preganant rather than a stranger's voice. Therefore, the only place they could have became familiar with the man's voice (usually the father), was while they were still in the womb.

    Your criticism where you state that you cannot test the same situation on the same person is really very weak, as that is true for EVERYTHING! How can we say that a molested child was harmed from the molestation? Because we see the trend in many of them. You can't "test" to see the harm or benefit for anything in the same person when it's a life-changing event such as having or not having a father in the house while you're growing up.

    Furthermore, the statistic for fatherless children and those that had fathers is pretty simple statistical data. Just compare the number of criminals in prison, teen pregnancies, and poor schoolastic performance, etc. and find out how many came from fatherless families and how many didn't, etc. I'm sure such studies have been done more than once. I thought the documentary was well done and supports other pieces of information I've read and seen from other sources.

  • His Forever

    Wow, Az! You're so lucky! My dad wasn't such a good dad in some ways my mom and dad divorced when I was young. But, he did instill a strong faith in God when I was a child, and for that I'm exceedingly very grateful. The other stuff I can overlook. I have a good relationship with him now however. He's 84 and I miss him so much here in Asia.

  • natasha0

    Actually, the eggs are attached to the belly of the male and within a very short time due to certain hormones a membrane of skin is formed around the eggs.
    Not a true pregnancy, but close enough.

  • Guest

    I watched this one several days ago and started to comment, but...

    Like a lot of guys here, I can vouch for the immediate and profound power of a child over a man's life. I was there when my children were born, and it was (both times!) the most intense rush and natural high I've ever had by orders of magnitude...I felt shaky and light, and IMMENSE joy, like I might just float up to the ceiling and disperse in tears and happiness. I know newborns can't focus and see anything definite, but I've always taken pride in the fact that when my baby girl was being born, as she was making her entrance, her head was turned to me and her eyes slowly opened. I'm the first thing she saw in this world; hopefully, when it's time for me to leave it, my children's faces will be the last images I carry into eternity.

    This is a very good documentary, imo, and I can understand and sympathize with all of it. A child makes a "woman" out of a man, and he is all the better because of it, and so are they.

  • knowledgeizpower

    Hey Pysmythe I knew we were missing the other Slice Of Pizza! :D
    I thought you would get a Burst out of watching this...Man that last sentence in your reply dude thats hard right there I am feeling you on that one WOAH...You should put that in a song :)....Hope all is well with Ya Smile....Peace :D

  • Irishkev

    Good goin man, I'm trying to get custody of my 8yr old, before it's too late.

  • Guest

    Hi, hows the abstinence going? :)

  • Guest

    That is one fine comment...you may be giving them by the drop these days, this one contains an ocean.
    az

  • Guest

    Hey Invisible Man how you doing? hope you and yours are well ;)

  • Guest

    ...

  • Guest

    Sending good thoughts....
    take care of yourself...lots of greens, wheatgrass does miracle.
    I am happy i caught your message in time before you deleted.
    i was wondering...about your long silence...although i haven't been very active here either.
    My like is not a like for the condition.
    az

  • Guest

    ...

  • Guest

    May be wait until tomorrow, fifty4fourty is on a different time zone. I am sure she would like to know what is going on.
    az

  • Guest

    ...

  • knowledgeizpower

    Heal Soon Pysmythe okay..Massage helps sooth the pain maybe you can ask your wife to help ya LoL for that condition wonderful oils to use are chamomile, peppermint, rosemary, clove, and carrier oils just a few drops in a clockwise position on the abdomen...I hope that helps kay...you have given me some great advice lol want to do the same... Peace To You And @Az.

  • Guest

    Nice to read you my friend. I am sure Mrs Moosie will be happy to help.
    az

  • Guest

    ...

  • Guest

    Let her read your comment below about being a father...it should tenderize her heart and hands.
    az

  • knowledgeizpower

    Thanks nice to see you refer to me as "My Friend" Az. I hope you know that I consider a few here that I have really gotten to know and share some personal things about myself with as friends. You and Pysmythe were the first two that I bonded with LoL.. but anyway I know vlatko will have a fit if we keep chatting...maybe you can e-me kay....Pysmythe needs to hurry and get better he has truly been missed....Peace

  • knowledgeizpower

    I know if you sprinkle a Little of the oil on you the sweet aroma will be so strong she won't be able to keep her hands off ya Pysmythe! Its a win win! Nothing wrong with spoiling your wifey thats sweet! But hurry and get better though! Peace To You Guys

  • Guest

    our lips are sealed !

  • Guest

    Hey Bosses, due to the time zone thing and Pysmythe wishing to be discreet, is there anyway you can tell if he has received our messages and then delete this stuff for him? Is that allowed? Thanks :)

  • Guest

    ...

  • Guest

    What are you doing out of bed? Off you go and no argument! Mothers know best :)

  • Guest

    darn...he took your words seriously...gone he seem to be.
    az
    edit: i see...ouf! i thought Py had deleted his whole file.

  • Guest

    Now why on earth would you have jumped to that conclusion? lolol. :)
    (sleepless night with lots of chicken-broth. Yay.)

  • Guest

    Why...you've done it once and it looked just like that.
    Happy to have you here.
    The photo that came on the condition (wiki page)...was not a pretty thing. lol
    az

  • Guest

    No kidding...I hate the thought of that 'crap' in me. Like an old athletic sock, full of marbles.

  • jim dorey

    a mother always knows it's her baby? nope, immediately take a baby away, and you'll have that lost connection. far as i've heard, it's pheromonal, and only takes a few seconds to make it.

  • Vocheri Thomas

    Why are you so glad that you never had a father? I think the aspect of having a variety of perspectives, norms and attitudes contributes greatly to an individual's emotional and mental development. I agree having a father is NOT analogous to having a billion dollars. In fact, having a healthy, loving, supportive father is priceless.

  • knowledgeizpower

    Well I will be darn...you and your vanishings lol.. I was going to tell you something else the other day and it was gone you are something lol...But goodness i can't leave for five minutes lol I have to start having the gift of gabb lmao to keep playing what do you think Pysmythe LoL its all in fun though.....Peace

  • http://twitter.com/cfay1 Courtney Fay

    if you like this documentary, i highly recommend "The Other F Word" it's about rock stars turned fathers...interesting and sweet

  • Mistymoo

    Lovely post there Pysmythe - your wife is a lucky woman

  • http://www.facebook.com/Charlie0718 ???

    My Father was killed by Chinese Communist Party in China when I was 7 years old. I am truely sorry that I did not have a father who could protect and guide me in my early life. It took me many years to realize that I have Heavenly Father looks through my whole life. Praise The Lord!

  • http://www.facebook.com/svigliaturo Svetlana Vigliaturo

    Having raised my daughter alone as a single parent I was always wondering what exactly she was missing, and though through all her life I was trying to fulfill this lack and balance male and female approach in her upbringing, I was totally shocked, when she grew up, that I did not quite succeed in this. This is a very good educational movie for every parent who wants his or her kid to be prepared for life and be successful in it. Highly recommended.

  • TruthsHurt

    Playing with your kid is not "raising". If the fathers took more responsibility of the household (cooking, cleaning, washing) then the moms could have a chance to play with their kids instead the mom is left raising children and a grown man-baby. Pathetic.

  • Aleksandra Mihailovic

    So, mothers cant talk to their babies in "adult language"? This study is based on deductive reasoning, a woman has also the capacity to teach "long words" to a child, and even talk to them in form of sarcasm or any other form. I would like to see a man feeding, working, educating and playing with their childreen. Childreen begin to see the father as the more popular fun parent? Is by any chance the mother cooking in the kitchen? Cleaning? The job of educating and playing should be equally divided, and even shared by both parents; also house work. This documentary only promotes a man's power in society, where women are left in the kitchen, and men are "the good ones". You are not teaching childreen equality in this dinamic. Both women and men tested on this documentary, probably grew up in a strong patriarcal society, and prolonging this system can also mean that inequality will be perpetuated in our "civilized world". I think that both women and men should be educated to be abble to educated childreen with both parents, or also to be able to educated being a single mother or dad. A mother can build independence and strong values, and so do men.

  • kaosethema

    awesome docu, feminazis (not feminists) won't like it though. makes them look secondary although i know that's not what the docu was about. it shows that BOTH parents are important in a child's life, that neither is more so than the other.

  • Elizabeth Carr

    Wow, can't believe that you live in a world where fathers DON'T do that.

  • thalia peterson

    Not true. I grew up with only having a Father and he played with me as a child and still does, even in my adult hood, and he did the housework. Raising your child, I think, is spending time with it, caring for it, enjoying the time with it and teaching it everything you know and hope it goes into the work prepared to learn and grow.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jared.traxel Jared Leonard Gregory Traxel

    Actually if you stopped being blindly feminist you would have heard the words studies show that fathers use less baby language not that mother DONT use adult language just that they use less of it. and as to your little rant im pretty sure they pointed out that its not just the AMOUNT that a dad plays its HOW dads are more likely to play sports, or act foolish with thier kids than mothers who tend to be more serious when it comes to children because its a genetic parenting style not because the woman should be in th kitchen bla bla bla your archiac feminist butt hurting doesnt apply i know alot of men who do all the cooking and cleaning then proceed to go act like a classic male with thier kids it isnt the amount of play its the type of play. mothers get alot more scared when a child is doing dangerous or risky things. this isnt always true but mern are naturally more likely to act stupid and young kids think thats hilarious and awesome. so sick of how a documentary that simply says that fathers are good for a kid and you act all but hurt because it shows that women arent the be all end all in a kids life. women like you make me sick and its women like you that got me abandoned in a hospital by a physocotic mother because the feminist s beleived her when she told them her husband (a man who is incredibly calm and gentle) beat her. because of feminists like you me and my brother were treated to a life of hell because your sexism doesnt allow you to see that you are as guilty of judging based on sex as the imaginary enemies you create around you

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003368474171 Alexander James Nichols

    I do not believe you are an expert in the field. Do you have any formal education in developmental physcology? or is this mealy your own opinion. The documentary is based on science and fact. You are actually supporting the documentaries theory, rather then using logic and reasoning, you are personalizing it. Your opinion should be dismissed

  • snga2n

    I was raised by a single mother who, bless her, did all she could for me. She even put me on baseball teams with male coach role models. Living with my husband has had so many amazing surprises and I am in shock at how much I was missing out on not having a real man around the house!!! I become misty when I realize that my children are going to have a father!! A REAL MAN who knows how to dicipline with great patience and an incomprehensibly firm yet gentle strength.

  • carkrueger

    My father was the disciplinarian, he was not to be messed with. Definitely not a fun dad - he barley talked to me. I would have been better off if my Mom had divorced him.

  • TheThinker44

    And you can't???? I am a woman and I am the disciplinarian in my house and possess many of the characteristics you define as being "a real man." Does this make me and many other women men? I see those characteristics as being important for parents in general not to only fathers. Single parents do well with their children when they possess both sides of the spectrum and when I say that I mean what society claims is more male or female. But the truth is no man or woman can follow these strict rules 100%.

  • Danny Jeez

    Im gonna say this is partly based on the patriarchal system. But then again, they base it on the evolutionary theory.

    What about male figures in a young girls life that arent her father, and vise verse?

    What about the limited surveys and how random was the small amount of figures?

    They look alike? What are the percentages, and what about the surroundings? e.g., multicultural areas (interracial couples), homosexuality, spinsters(sorry for the term) and vise versa??

    also, implies that women CHOOSE their mates? I thought it went both ways, and i suppose if u disagree, your a man whos has bad social skills:)

    regardless, you will extract about 20% decent information from this.

  • AM

    I was just terrified of my father, as he had a very bad temper and was very controlling. He died when I was 15, but I wish my parents had gotten divorced before then.

  • Kittenjsr

    My father didn't do crap to help raise me, my brothers, or sister. He was always out drinking. I never had a fun parent, but I'd prefer mom over dad because her yelling was easier to tolerate than dad's explosive tantrums and beatings. I became a very solitary person because I hated being around both parents, even when I was in grade school I'd shut myself up in my room and read. I actually didn't develop normal social skills, I met my first friend in the 5th grade. Other than that I read.
    As for my choice in men, most of them do not look like my dad, but I have noticed a tendency towards neglecting, verbally, and sexually abusive men. Although my dad never sexually abused anyone as far as I know, he seriously abuses my whole family on a daily basis.
    Sometimes I look at these girls with good, healthy relationships with their parents- especially dads- and I can't quite figure out how they do it or how it feels. I guess it will always be a mystery to us girls with a father who was always in the house but never there for any of us.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Artemis.Synn Artemis Roberts

    I enjoyed some aspects of this documentry, for example, the noted hormonal differences. But little thought was put into why it might be like this aside from questionable evolutionary inference. While evolutionary inferences 'make sense', they often present a palatable confirmation bias OR imply that 'this is the way it has always been, the way it is now and this the way it is (and should) always be - which seems at ends with progress in general.

    Some of the physical differences are related to our evolution (e.g the hormonal changes), likewise some of the different parenting styles stem from previous needs of the species - but I would argue that these are less about fundamental physical differences between men and women (who are relatively similar) and more about pervasive, perpetuated social roles - that the social roles date back to an earlier stage in our evolution where it was 'needed' . yet there is little physical difference in terms of brain-sex (5% differences in a few areas spatial/language yada yada :P). I see no reason why most aspects cannot be provided by either sex.

    But if this is the case, perhaps we should focus less on trying to 'find value' in fathers or mothers as two separate entities - and instead learn the benefits of different parenting styles (from their evolutionary basis) to overcome the rigid social roles and to develop the naturally androginous characteristics of people, instead of inhibiting it and pigeon-holing them into ideal gendered-models. A child will still benefit from having multiple (positive) role models even if those role models are not polar opposites, but rather uniquely balanced individuals. Thus fathers are important, they are another positive influence who is invested in the growth of the child - I don't think we need to find a special 'father niche' (or 'mother-niche') to know that they are important, in so far as they want to be.

    Just a note on a few comments - That a mother was able to claim her husband beat her and abandon her children isn't really caused by feminism - rather it is a result of a system which says women are or should be nurturing, passive, victims. Such that she must present a reason why she (a 'nurturing women') would abandon her children and being beaten is that reason, it is accepted as reasonable because of the view that she is passive/victim/weak. It is the same system in which a man whom is beaten may not admit it because he is expected to be 'macho'. It is precisely that system which feminism is against.

    .... of course because these systems still exists it is difficult to tell when a women is actually beaten because others consider her weak, or she recognises that others see her as weak and uses that to escape the expectation that she is nurturing - and of course the same potential behaviour applies for all regardless of gender (i.e it's not crazy feminists abusing the system : / - its just human).

  • Lee

    I never had a dad, when I extend my mind to draw some sort of idea on what to do with my infant son, I have nothing to draw on. Mothers are most important I guess, but I'm not running off on my son, like my asswipe prick father did,though I just draw a blank. I already know babies can hear inside the womb, so I always used to talk to her stomach everyday, youre a good boy etc. Just things I wish I heard, but man did he kick when I talked to him in the womb. Still I draw a blank, I hope I can be for him what I wanted. I guess thats why I'm watching this.The stuff about my hormones changing, huh? I'm too much of a guy, in fact I've found I smoke more and snot wankers more often for tail gating me while my baby son's in the car. No one dare endangers my son. I never have become feminine, my son wants a blokey dad not a two mums, besides when you carry around a baby to shut the bugger up at three a.m. you tend to get a damn good work out, I'm just as tough.

  • http://www.facebook.com/corneiliusmusic Core Luminous

    We all, biologically speaking, need both Mother and Father, and they need a supportive, empathic community within which they too have grown and been nurtured.

    Empathy is the best possible long term survival 'trait' of all and it stems from self empathy, which is then extended to others. Empathy enables a deep sensing of the world in which we live, and leads to appropriate nurturant behaviour and is a deeper basis for interaction with others than 'morals' imposed by Religion, Ideology or 'Society'.

    The Industrial Hierarchical Society, just like other Hierarchical Societies disrupts the natural child-mother and child-father bonding processes that are mandated by our biology in order to preserve it's Power and to distract, undermine and alienate those born into it - check out the work of James W. Prescott... Google his name and 'violence' you will find much of use there.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001272993290 David D Hart

    My daughter inlaw has interesting intrests.(Claire)

  • tostrivetoseek

    I wish my dad was more caring and 'there' for me. Even as an adult, it's pretty hard to not have that connection.

  • http://www.facebook.com/javier.alvarez.393950 Javier Alvarez

    " I had facebook on because I multitask", LOL.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_56E57WOBOPP3HQMMCIV4E5M5IE Hollis

    if the mother wasn't the homemaker and child-tender, she could be as fathering as any father, and vice versa. "mummy cleaning" and "mummy washing up" could just as easily be "daddy (insert task)" -- so there's no reason that two men or two women couldn't raise equally well-balanced children. it's all a matter of role-playing, not gender identity.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jerry.michaud1 Jerry Michaud

    I am amazed not to have read more comment from Femi_Nazi on these post ! normally they would be all over it. SO here is (before watching this video) my opinion on the mater .This, being that i am an open Equal parenting right activist. not a hard line fathers right proponent .

    Man Prior to the industrial revolution , have had one task , and it was to hunt for the goods and the women care for the nest and raise the children. As simple as that , you can see this exact model throughout the under develop civilization or , as i like to call them go get the lucky one who are not trap in our idea of society and the rat race . even today i saw an add on the tele about how much mother and women had to suffer to walk miles to get water for their home in Africa, making it as the man were lazy and waiting on their asses when in reality this is a normal , not abusive daily task, as they would like you to believe, so that you send them money (CARE and OXFAM ) they need to fill up their fat pockets} after all, {less t then 10% of money send ever reach the one who needs it} .Reality is that man have to fight tribal wars , they have to hunt wild beast all at the risk of their life, while women plant little garden and care for their offspring, you cannot really hunt with a child on your hips can you ? And forget about dishes and vacuuming in a dirt hut when you eat with your hands. So to our society of today . since the 60 and the 70's the emergence of the women in the work force and the new age of , "i want everything now and i can always get better ", we have become a society of divorces and single parent, 70% of family are in that case if they are even been married at all .And for the first time in human history women actually in America and Canada makes for 51% of the employed work force , I guess its still cheaper to employ women (ouch, sorry) So the financial reward from our government for women is huge (welfare and baby bonus) and the divorce industry is a billion dollars industry . SO the hell with it we have to be single parents divided by a court system that is based an the commerce admiralty law . Our kids are commodity.(please Look it up if you have reason to question my say). Anyways truth is this , the 80"s were all about the pink man , the new father and we totally got it , we learn to be a different image of father and we want to be part of our children's life. and we are more then capable , that is those who got the message. There are still those who do not believe in it , too bad. Long story short , look at all of the problems we have with the juvenile these days and the majority of school drop out, recidivist young offender by far the majority, are raised in single family dwelling,and at the helm , a single mother . screeeecchhhh!!!! , I know I may have pissed you off there! But its a fact, see the real statistics. And that by far over 85% of children brought to the emergency with bodily injury cause at the hand of a parent ARE at the hand of a mother due to loosing their mind on their children. yes another real statistic, or better just go to your local emergency and ask the staff that report the matter to children's aids societies ! And lets not forget that the gross majority of infanticide are also at the hand of mother( for that one,you have simply to watch CNN or the BBC) followed by close family member like step fathers or step mothers and at the bottom of that list is father ....that should tell you lots, you still don't believe me? Look it up!. Anyway , Society has still to adapt a whole lot to this reality and find real solution for equal parenting to give our children the best of both world . Hopefully sooner then later .Listen women are not the problem , just that like us male they are stuck in this new reality and are trying to cope with what they are offered as reference So therefore a new real distribution of responsibility adapted to our society must be created allowing both parents to raise these children, before you are the next old age person going down the street and attack by a gang of teenager in search for their next trill to compensate for the lack of guidance.
    Hmmm that could have went better, not my best comment, but again, still reality ,maybe someone will make a docu on these statistic someday.without fearing the oppressive retribution of the femi-nazi heavy foot.

  • Lauriesheri

    I am so sad for you. You should get a good therapist. You do not deserve abusive men who are like you father. You might be better off with him dead, hate to say.

  • jackmax

    People like you sicken me. How dare you give some person you have no idea about or no concept on there mental state your personal opinion on what they should do when it 's concerning the health of somebody be it mental or physical.
    You have no idea of their mental state or how they are going to react to such advice, as this is only a forum to discuss the documentary and it's content. It over steps the boundaries of having compassion for someone and putting your nose into a situation you have no knowledge about what so ever.
    You may have caused detrimental damage to a person who may have found the inner peace that one looks for to have a happy life.
    I agree that no one deserves an abusive parent be it their mother or father, however you have no right to tell them that they would be better off if the parent was dead. How would you take it or feel if some complete stranger told you that you would be better off if one or both your parents were dead.
    I have strong views toward child abuse in any form however this forum is not the place to give any type of advise especially when one is talking about someone family.
    After reading her post several time to ensure I was correct in my appraisal of it, I can say without any hesitation that at no point in her post was she asking for advise. She was only expressing her experience and relaying an all to familiar story.
    She also stated that her mother was the lesser of the two evils would she be better off if she was dead as well or are you gender bias?

  • http://1iotofoto.wix.com/otofoto oQ

    You appear to be on a fighting mode the last few day. Too much UFO?

    She says to the writer that she is sad to read the situation (perhaps she has lived something similar).

    A therapist is not a person who is going to prescribe medicine and send the writer to a looney ward, it is someone to talk with (something she may have done herself).

    I agree the writer needs to brake the flow of abusive men in her life especially if it includes alcoholism.

    And when she says: "You might be better off with him dead, hate to say". In some case that is very true.

    "You may have caused detrimental damage to a person who may have found the inner peace that one looks for to have a happy life". This might have caused the same to the one you responded to, although I doubt that very much in both case.

  • Lauriesheri

    "He seriously abuses my whole family on a daily basis." I doubt, jackmax, from this statement that the writer has found any inner peace. How can you find peace living in this kind of turmoil? A family cannot possibly begin to heal from abuse, when that abuse is still ongoing.
    I am probably a lot older than you; and I have seen situations like this, where the family emerges from the pain, after the abuser's death. How can life not be better for them, when they cease to be some sicko's victims? And good therapy is helpful. Suggesting a person might benefit from it is not causing detrimental damage, as you say, that's just silly.

  • jackmax

    It has nothing to do with being in "fighting mode" what so ever....

    Your right about a therapist not prescribing medication but they are or should be a trained mental health professional. That being said they have the capabilities to seek out the medical staff expose the patient to such treatment.

    The reason for I find her comments offensive is the writer appear to be relaying a life experience and for anyone to express the view that some one would be better off if someone was dead could trigger repercussions that may lead to a violent act that may have been avoided.

    If some one told me that I would be better off if either one of my parents were dead without know the full circumstance to the situation I would be extremely upset.

    For argument sake she may be correct however I think it is over stepping the boundary of some laymans opinion on someone else's family matters.

    I have read the post numerous time prior to my response and I can not see any where in the post the writer asking for advice.

    I actually think there are circumstances where the children may be better of with out the parent but to say that they would be better off dead is an extreme measure to say the least.

    By what I read the mother wasn't that far behind the father, so by Lauriesheri thought process would she be better off without either parent living. As you know there are many forms of abuse and children are the ones normally exposed to such abuse.

  • jackmax

    You seem to make a lot of assumption without very little knowledge on the subjects!
    e.g. How old am I and you for that matter?
    Is the writer express what is going on right know or was she opening of about her past?
    Why did you not comment on the mother as she basically said she was the lessor of the two evils in that family, would she be better off if she was also dead?
    How do you know that she has not received professional help for that and many other issues that she may have been facing.
    What is my background why do you assume that I have not experienced or seen these situation before?
    You seem to make yourself appear like some type of life experience expert with all powering knowledge that other can't possibly know which is unfounded.

  • Joy Alexandria

    No they can't. Mother's have a different effect on their child. Mother's cannot be fathering. They nurture differently and father cannot be mothers. It seems you're trying to take the credit away from good fathers and saying mother do the same. But there is a much deeper effect in parenting than you think. It's psychological, emotional, biological, mentally and development. Mothers cannot provide the fatherly-emotional effect or biological effect to their sons. So no, it is base on gender.

  • Joy Alexandria

    No you're not a man, but you can take on the disciplinarian and independence side. But research shows it has a stronger effect on the child when it comes from the father. Both father and mothers have different ways of parenting and the effects are very different even though you may share some of the masculine qualities. It is impossible to have all though. You do not have the same biological, psychological or emotional aspect as a father does.

  • TheThinker44

    People are unique and you cannot label phchological attributes as only male or female. You can say generally male or female but to include all in one category is wrong. To say I can't possibly give my children the emotional aspect a father does is ignorant. Males range from very emotional to less emotional with males generally being less emotional. Same with females with more tending to be more emotional. You have to consider both sides of the spectrum.

  • Pysmythe

    I'm loving your comments on this subject. By all means, keep it up.

  • Joy Alexandria

    Oh, thank you

  • TheThinker44

    I am not saying a mother and father are not equally important. It's easier to raise children with more than one parent. Besides the physical differences you are discrediting males who are more feminine in nature and females who are more masculine. Being able to teach a child about puberty and adolescence has nothing to do with it. There are plenty of men and women who know little of the subject and plenty of children who are uncomfortable in speaking with either parent about it. I think we are greatly misunderstanding each other. I also was raised by a single mother as well as a second parent, my grandmother. This has not affected my philosophy on how my mate should treat me which is equally as well as I treat him. However, I am not basing my thoughts on my personal experience but my own knowledge based in facts and studies that probably contradict your own. Yes, there is evidence that shows single parent's can do just as well as traditional parents. Though, they do have more hurdles, to say they could never provide what two parents could is wrong and disheartening to the fathers and mothers that work so hard to do just that.

  • Pysmythe

    You're welcome. It's nice to see the importance of a father in a child's life acknowledged a little more.

  • Joy Alexandria

    All I'm saying is that it has a greater affect when both father and mother are involved in their child's life.

    And I did state in my statement that females can obtain some masculine qualities as well as males obtaining some feminine qualities.

    Again they cannot give all the qualities of what male figure can. You stated that puberty has nothing to do with. In fact it does, like I said it goes much deeper than you think.

    What does being uncomfortable about the subject have to do with what I stated? If parents teach (good parenting has nothing to do with gender roles) their child to come to them about anything, it would not be a problem. My point was that a man would be able to talk to his son more effectively about his body changes than his mother. It's was not about being uncomfortable, it's the fact that the female does not share the same biology as a male, so therefore it makes since to have the son talk to his father, since he can relate.

    I wasn't saying that single parents cannot raise their child as well as a traditional family. I'm talking about the effects of the child. For example, nearly all children raised by their mothers whose fathers walked out, will deal with struggle of the absence of their fathers at some point in their lives. The absence of the father does effect the child, whether you want it to or not. Study shows, that children with father's tend to have more greater self-esteem. It's based on the effects of the child, not how you parent or whether you parent well. There are many studies that prove this and vice versa.

    You seem to still think that it's about how parenting style, when it is not. It doesn't matter if the child grows up well, though that is good, that isn't what I'm talking about here. A child needs to a have balance of both the mother and father. That is why I am saying that a mother cannot provide EVERYTHING a father can give to their child. It doesn't make sense. They may share some masculine qualities, but never all. We are biologically different and our brains are wired differently. Both are good though, but both will provide differently and always.

    I'm assuming you are a single parent and I'm not trying to discredit your parenting skills, but even if you think you can, you cannot provide EVERYTHING a father can provide to your child. Like I said you may obtain some masculine qualities, but it is much deeper than you think. I even stated that even the presence of the child's father or mother has heavy impact on the child. If women were capable of having the same exact qualities and took on the father role, there would be no point in having fathers. And I'm not saying you think this, but some women think they can be the father to their children. If that were true, women would have the same biology make up as a man. And we wouldn't have many children dealing with anxiety of the absence of their father. And yes the biology of both gender do play a role in a child's development.

    It is not wrong or disheartening to state that cannot take on both roles.
    It would be too much and impossible for a woman to take both the mother and father role to the fullest. That's extremely overwhelming and it would just be impossible to do that at the same time. Why do you think that there are so many women struggling trying to care for their child? Many think they can be both a mother and father and that only adds on the stress and pain. Again, it isn't about how well you raise the child and how much effort you try take on both roles, it's not possible, because the effects of the child shows differently.

    It seems to me that you do not understand that there are differences between what a father and a mother can provide. It is dangerous to think that mothers can take on both roles, because of the long term effects it can have on a society that thinks it's acceptable.

    If you watch the video I provided you and I'm hoping you watched the biology of dads video as well.

    Here is another link:
    .childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/
    fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm

  • Joy Alexandria

    This article does a better way of explaining than I can. How it is damaging to try to take on both roles.

    .the-spearhead. com/2011/09/

    14/a-father-cannot-be-a-

    mother-and-he-should-not-try/

  • TheThinker44

    Again I am not saying that mothers and fathers are not equally important. We seem to be on the same page except I look at the research with the knowledge that they speak in general matters when talking about this situation. To say that a woman can't provide everything a man can or vice versa, is generally true. But to say no woman or no man can provide or do what this father or this mother did is not true. To say a mother who doesn't understand puberty can better explain puberty to her daughter just because she experienced it over a father that she trusts who actually knows and understands it, is not commonsensical. Believe it or not those studies are not true for every individual person, just like not every little girl or boy raised by a single parent is going to have problems. They show the general outcome for these situations not a definite outcome for everyone affected. Not that it matters but I am not a single parent and have been happily married for many years:)

  • TheThinker44

    How about this. Give me a list of things either a woman or man just cannot provide individually besides a lesson in puberty and support during this time.

  • dewflirt

    When, in this conversation is the hypothetical absent parent going to take some flack or responsibility for being absent? Also lots of male/female stereotypes, women are too emotional to do discipline, men are too mechanical to love tenderly - what next? Men can't cook and women can't throw, Men can't knit and women can't change tyres, men can't tie ribbons in pigtails and women can't lash damsels to the mizzen-mast.... Ye scurvy knave! ;)

  • TheThinker44

    Who is saying a father isn't just as important as the mother? O_o

  • Guest

    mmm I'm still not sure if you quite understand.

    You stated: To say a mother who doesn't understand puberty can better explain puberty to her daughter just because she experienced it over a father that she trusts who actually knows and understands it, is not commonsensical.

    ?????? I'm not sure what you meant by that. So let me explain.....
    How would a father/male figure be able to relate to the daughter on that level? He cannot, it's like saying a woman knows how it feels to be hit in the privates or a man knows understands the pain of woman going into labor. Neither party will ever experience that. Only a woman can explain to her daughter the experience (emotions, physicality, etc.) of going through puberty as a woman. A father may be able to educate himself on that, but he will never relate.

    You stated: Again I am not saying that mothers and fathers are not equally important.

    But why would you ask for examples, when I already explained it? They're not just important, they're important because a father/male figure and a mother/female figure can offer different qualities in different ways. Let me explain deeper. A fathers role is a good example for a son to follow. Why? Because it teaches him how to be a man, it helps him identify his masculinity as a man. By not allowing that exposure, it is stripping away his opportunity to know what it is like to have a father/male figure and how to be a man. That is not something a mother can provide, you can't teach him how to be a man, when aren't one. Men go though so many challenges in their lives as well as woman do, but differently. If you have not experienced those challenges as a man, how exactly can you relate to your son on that level? That can cause confusion for the son.

    You stated: Believe it or not those studies are not true for every individual person........

    Where are those studies you speak of? Because you still haven't given any evidence of that without contradicting my argument.

    All children with a single parent will go through some emotional pain or phase of an absent parent. Whether that parent left, divorced, died, abused or cheated. Whatever it is, a child will express it in some way or form. Most children won't tell you what they're going through. Yes, not every child will get into some type of trouble (law), but to say that not every child will go through a phase or emotional pain, is definitely not true. Relationship effects people whether its positive or not, whether it's wanted or not, it's psychological, it's not a choice. Some children will express it, with anger, withdrawal, anti-social, most low self-esteem, more likely to experience depression, become violent, jealousy, etc. One child may NOT go though all of that, but some of it. They will go through it, whether it's during their childhood, adolescent years or adulthood. You can't possibly say that they won't when you don't know how each person expresses it. And trust me many won't even tell or lie about it and say that they're fine.

    Personal experience: I was convinced that I will not go through any emotional phase or pain due to the absence of my father and I was dead wrong. It just suddenly creeped on me. I was a "daddy's girl" when I was much younger, he left when I was 2 and came in and out of my life up till I was in 8th grade. I didn't start reacting to that till I was in 10th grade. I became confused, frustrated, trying to understand why he would leave his own children. Was it me?, I tried to keep my emotions unseen by my mother for a long time and it made things very difficult for me to handle, but I didn't want her to know. With that being said, how can you tell what a child is going through, if they don't tell you.

    Your stating that you understand that it's important that both parents are involved in their child's life, but continue to ask for examples about the difference. Which still tells me you're equating the ability to parent to the different qualities a father/male figure can provide and vices versa.

    "According to the Census Bureau, 24 million children in American live in biologically father-absent homes. That is shocking. That can be put to blame on those men and sometimes even women. "Virtually every major social pathology has been linked to fatherlessness: violent crime, drug and alcohol abuse, truancy, teenage pregnancy and even suicide. All correlate more strongly to fatherlessness that any other single factor." ---The Politics of Fatherhood. That is how detrimental it is for a child with no father/male figure, they are not just important, but they provide a safeguard structure to keep this most likely from happening. And it isn't just the way the mother parents her children. It's because the child is not able to get the desire or attention from that father/male figure. Again going back to how it affects them.

    When children are born, you are their first teachers. And all children will do what their parents do. It has been proven that they follow their parents by actions much more effectively than being told what to do.

    Male examples:

    Males are very important when it comes to absentee fathers. Boys are men in the making. They need to identify themselves as man and how to be taught on how to conduct themselves as a man. Mothers play a very important role in their sons lives, giving feminine affection, but not on how to be a man. I know you'll say some women have masculine qualities, while that is true. It's is perceived differently from a boy's perceptive. Women's perception of how men should think and act is totally different from how men actually think. It's wrong to say that women can teach their sons how to be a man, when they themselves are not. How would you like it if a man tried to tell how to conduct yourself as a woman and how to be one? If he doesn't act like a woman, think like a woman, how can you possible relate to him if he never experience what it's like to be one?

    Being able to relate to someone similar to you is everything. Women need to know what it means to be a woman and men need to know what it means to be a man. I'm not talking about gender-based stereotypes. We all identify it differently, but at most women relate to each other on a whole scale when it comes to their gender/sexuality, the way they think, the way they behave,etc. and vice versa.

    In many cases boys become too attached to their mothers and in some cases may even have ways that are somewhat feminine. If the child does not have an older brother or maybe an uncle that he can look up to then he might even be confused and have no one to relate to.
    Boys search deeply throughout his childhood for a masculine model on which to build his sense of self. The press to identify with father creates the crucial dilemma for boys. Fathers should provide safety, warmth, and affection. Fathers should support the need for autonomy and separation in their sons. Fathers should promote self-esteem and a sense of worth in their sons. If not fathers than an uncle, mentor, coach, pastor, teacher, etc.

  • http://1iotofoto.wix.com/otofoto oQ

    Some breakup are just so ugly that at times one of the parent comes to think it's better to be out of the picture until the child becomes a teenager or an young adult. Unfortunately that's often the man because many of them feel hopeless in front of the law who HAS favored women in so many cases.
    I was lucky to raise my two daughters from two different fathers and manage to do it in very good terms even with their wives and multiple children they had together or not. My kid's family tree looks more like a bush....and most of these kids, 12 all together, call each other brothers and sisters even though most are not even blood related.
    Last night I went to see The Wailers with one of my daughters, her dad and his wife and one of her daughters and a few friends. I count myself lucky or perhaps smart.

  • Pysmythe

    I didn't say YOU were... However, a lot of people do make that assumption. And so do the courts.

  • Joy Alexandria

    mmm I'm still not sure if you quite understand.

    You stated: To say a mother who doesn't understand puberty can better explain puberty to her daughter just because she experienced it over a father that she trusts who actually knows and understands it, is not commonsensical.

    ?????? I'm not sure what you meant by that. So let me explain.....

    How would a father/male figure be able to relate to the daughter on that level? He cannot, it's like saying a woman knows how it feels to be hit in the privates just as a man or a man knows understands the pain of woman going into labor. Neither party will ever experience that. Only a woman can explain to her daughter the experience (emotions, physicality, psychological level, etc.) of going through puberty as a woman. A father may be able to educate himself on that, but he will never relate.

    You stated: Again I am not saying that mothers and fathers are not equally important.

    But why would you ask for examples, when I already explained it? They're not just important, they're important because a father/male figure and a mother/female figure can offer different qualities in different ways. Let me explain deeper. A fathers role is a good example for a son to follow. Why? Because it teaches him how to be a man, it helps him identify his masculinity as a man. By not allowing that exposure, it is stripping away his opportunity to know what it is like to have a father/male figure and how to be a man. That is not something a mother can provide, you can't teach him how to be a man, when aren't one. Men go though so many challenges in their lives as well as woman do, but differently. If you have not experienced those challenges as a man, how exactly can you relate to your son on that level? That can cause confusion for the son.

    You stated: Believe it or not those studies are not true for every individual person........

    Where are those studies you speak of? Because you still haven't given any evidence of that without contradicting my argument.

    All children with a single parent will go through some emotional pain or phase of an absent parent. Whether that parent left, divorced, died, abused or cheated. Whatever it is, a child will express it in some way or form. Most children won't tell you what they're going through. Yes, not every child will get into some type of trouble (law), but to say that not every child will go through a phase or emotional pain, is definitely not true. Relationship effects people whether its positive or not, whether it's wanted or not, it's psychological, it's not a choice. Some children will express it, with anger, withdrawal, anti-social, most low self-esteem, more likely to experience depression, become violent, jealousy, etc. One child may NOT go though all of that, but some of it. They will go through it, whether it's during their childhood, adolescent years or adulthood. You can't possibly say that they won't when you don't know how each person expresses it. And trust me many won't even tell or lie about it and say that they're fine.

    Personal experience: I was convinced that I will not go through any emotional phase or pain due to the absence of my father and I was dead wrong. It just suddenly creeped on me. I was a "daddy's girl" when I was much younger, he left when I was 2 and came in and out of my life up till I was in 8th grade. I didn't start reacting to that till I was in 10th grade. I became confused, frustrated, trying to understand why he would leave his own children. Was it me?, I tried to keep my emotions unseen by my mother for a long time and it made things very difficult for me to handle, but I didn't want her to know. With that being said, how can you tell what a child is going through, if they don't tell you?

    Your stating that you understand that it's important that both parents are involved in their child's life, but continue to ask for examples about the difference. Which still tells me you're equating the ability to parent to the different qualities a father/male figure can provide and vices versa.

    "According to the Census Bureau, 24 million children in American live in biologically father-absent homes. That is shocking. That can be put to blame on those men and sometimes even women. "Virtually every major social pathology has been linked to fatherlessness: violent crime, drug and alcohol abuse, truancy, teenage pregnancy and even suicide. All correlate more strongly to fatherlessness that any other single factor." ---"The Politics of Fatherhood". That is how detrimental it is for a child with no father/male figure, they are not just important, but they provide a safeguard structure to keep this most likely from happening. And it isn't just the way the mother parents her children. It's because the child is not able to get the desire or attention from that father/male figure. Again going back to how it affects them.

    When children are born, you are their first teachers. And all children will do what their parents do. It has been proven that they follow their parents by actions much more effectively than being told what to do.

  • Joy Alexandria

    Male examples:

    Males are very important when it comes to absentee fathers. Boys are men in the making. They need to identify themselves as man and how to be taught on how to conduct themselves as a man. Mothers play a very important role in their sons lives, giving feminine affection, but not on how to be a man. I know you'll say some women have masculine qualities, while that is true. It's is perceived differently from a boy's perceptive. Women's perception of how men should think and act is totally different from how men actually think. It's wrong to say that women can teach their sons how to be a man, when they themselves are not. How would you like it if a man tried to tell how to conduct yourself as a woman and how to be one? If he doesn't act like a woman, think like a woman, how can you possible relate to him if he never experience what it's like to be one?

    Being able to relate to someone similar to you is everything. Women need to know what it means to be a woman and men need to know what it means to be a man to themselves. I'm not talking about gender-based stereotypes (woman shouldn't work; Men shouldn't cry). We all identify it differently, but at most, women relate to each other on a whole scale when it comes to their gender/sexuality, the way they think, the way they behave,etc. and vice versa.

    In many cases boys become too attached to their mothers and in some cases may even have ways that are somewhat feminine. If the child does not have an older brother or maybe an uncle that he can look up to then he might even be confused and have no one to relate to. It's not necessarily bad thing for a boy/guy to have feminine qualities, but there needs to be a balance. Balance perpetuates balance, and a balanced home encourages and perpetuates balanced relationships and lifestyle choices. Same with girls as well.

    A Boy searches deeply throughout his childhood for a masculine model on which to build his sense of self. The press to identify with father creates the crucial dilemma for boys. Fathers should provide safety, warmth, and affection. Fathers should support the need for autonomy and separation in their sons. Fathers should promote self-esteem and a sense of worth in their sons.--"Fathers and Sons" If not fathers than an uncle, mentor, coach, pastor, teacher, etc. Again I'm talking about the perception of a father to a son. You can read more about it at Fathers and Sons: Unspoken Messages.

    Female examples:

    "Your father’s character, and his relationship with you, influences your identity strongly. It influences your ability to love and to trust, and the growth of a healthy sexuality and body image. It’s fathers who can really help a girl overcome an eating disorder, even more so than her mother. (Read up on Parent's Role in Development of Eating Disorders: How Important is the Father?) The relationship with your mother affects many aspects of your character and emotional life, but the difference with your father is the impact he has on your identity, and the power he has to improve your confidence and the way you see yourself."

    Like I stated before, a child's parents are the first people they love and in this case a father to a daughter is their first love. They need that father and daughter bond, that they cannot get from a mother, only motherly/maternal love. The relationship that a daughter has with her father imprints on her so strongly that any late relationships with men are filtered through that experience. Even if the relationship is not well. It's subconscious and this applies to mothers to their sons. You can teach them as a mother what dating and men is like or how, but not from a male's perspective and she needs a model to understand that (father/male figure). This is basic psychology. If she isn't exposed to any male figures than she is bound to look for ways to get that affection and that does not always go so well. Same with boys, they will look for that affection and identity to follow, because they can get it from their mother, even if the mother is a good mother. Fathers and daughters just like mothers and sons cannot and will never be able to understand each other's thought processes. You can't expect a father to his daughter as a mother to her son, to understand the same way as a mother to daughter or girlfriend as father to son or one his buddies. I have notice women try to make their husbands or child's father to respond empathetic the same way we women do, but forgetting the fact that our brains are wired differently.

    Both sons and daughters will experience the sense of confusion when not having a father/male figure in their lives. It does effect their self esteem, you may try to provide or fill that in, but only as a mother. If you try to put yourself in their shoes, both know that they are missing on that relationship and both desire the affection and attention from their fathers and that leaves emptiness that a mother cannot fulfill. Not saying that neither can overcome these things but that's what causes it when there is an absentee father.

    To make sure you understand what I'm saying. This is why mothers cannot replace or take on the role of a father, but only can be a good mother. A father cannot replace or take the role of a mother, but be a good father. It's not just about important you think they are in a child's life, it's how it effects them and it will to every child.

    Note: I believe I already stated this, if there isn't a father around, then some other male figure such as an uncle/aunt, "Big brother/sister," older cousins, mentors, pastors/teachers, etc.

  • TheThinker44

    Yes they do because they believe the mother is the only parent to nuture and be affectionate towards them, so even if the mother is somewhat unfit, they give her full custody. Of course this doesn't always happen but there is an unfair bias in the courts that the mother can give the child things that a father cannot.

  • AntiTheist666

    Ahoy there me hearty, I couldn’t agree more about the stereotypes thing. I recently saw an article about how men can’t wear sarongs and heaven forbid a pink one. Why should the hypothetical absent parent take some flack? There might be legit and understandable reasons, each case on its merit etc. Those that don’t have reasons however should walk the plank.

    Unfortunately this doc won’t play in the uK.

  • TheThinker44

    I asked for a list and you gave hypotheticals and situations that highly favor your senairio. I have never said children are not more likely to have problems living with single parents due to their parents gender. I did say that for you to say that that mother could not possibly provide what that father does and vise versa is ignorant. How do you know she doesn't provide exactly what he does and more. You bring up identify as if we only receive this knowledge from parents when our gender and our certainty about it come from with in. Learning how to act? You speak of a man's responsibility in marriage like it's fact when it is only your opinion. In my opinion the parents love each other and work as a team to raise children into healthy mature adults. They both protect, love, and nuture. There is not set obligations between the man and the woman, at least not in my marriage and others I know. Now, I must let you know I am tolling away on a small phone, not a larger device with a keyboard. So unless you want to continue tis discussion over the phone, I must say goodbye to you and thanks for the stimulating discussion.

    PS. If you do want to continue over the phone I will provide my email or you can so we may exchange numbers.

  • dewflirt

    Yarrr, if it ain't me old bucko, barnacle sixes! I was just a bit narky about the whole exchange, to say that a child will be damaged in some way by the absence of EITHER parent is somewhat dismissive of the parent that stays and slogs their guts out to make it work. Obviously, some kids are better off without one or the other, even both at times. Might do more damage forcing a relationship. As you say, each case on its merits. Trouble with parents is that they're human - bunch of err heads ;)

  • dewflirt

    Hey oQ, you're girls are lucky and you are smart ;) It is a shame that the law can't keep up with changing attitudes but all parents being equal, how would you choose the most suitable for the job? Lots share custody now which is nice for the parents but can be unsettling for the kids sometimes. Glad it worked for you and yours ;)

  • Guest

    Well, I don't see why you can't just do it on a computer, assuming you're not at your house. And you don't have to reply right away if you can't or available. Marriage? I really don't recall ever mentioning the word. Yes, of course both parents can work together to raise their child, but each provide some different necessities to their children. And since we are mostly talking about single parents. I would state that sometime in a child's life whether it's an absentee father or mother, they will find someone to relate on a gender level or someone of the opposite sex to model off of. Would agree that it takes a village to raise a child? That a teacher, a mentor, a pastor, sibling, aunts/uncles, older cousins, grandparents could provide. Say a boy without his mother, looks up to his aunt or older cousin as motherly? Okay I think we can both agree, that there are some things mothers cannot provide that a father can and some things that fathers cannot provide that a mother can. Let me put it this way. Of course single dads or singles moms can raise their child to the best of their ability.

    Would you at least agree that as a woman you cannot relate to a man's experience as a man or the fact that we do not think the same biologically speaking, since our brains are wired differently? I should correct myself, a woman can teach her son how to conduct himself, what I was trying to say is that a woman could not provide her son what it means to be a man or I should say provide a masculine identity in a man's perspective. A man cannot provide a feminine identify to his daughter in a woman's perspective. But each can teach them how to conduct themselves and can yes a woman can raise her son well and vice versa. You believe that a woman can take on some masculine qualities. (discipline, authority, independence, etc....) Honestly that is something that anyone can have regardless of gender, however it is more seen in males. I'm not saying they can't, I believe they can, I was simply trying to explain that there are some things males and females do not share that can be given to a child. Here I'll try putting a lis this time:
    Biologically: -Fe/Males think differently
    -Males can provide a male's PERSPECTIVE to younger males on life lessons/challenges as a man, body changes,women,etc.

    Psychologically: Males can provide the masculine identity or identity of a man, even if they have if they have feminine qualities
    Emotional: Both genders are able to have empathy, that's just being human, however, most men do not empathize the way we do.

  • TheThinker44

    Is this Joy? I was replying to her. I had a computer when I first saw this film but I do not at present and receive notifications of this thread through my email on my phone. It is hard to address all the points in an essay of a reply directly on a phone (Btw, it is not a smart phone). That is why I proposed a phone call so I could address things more easily. Does that make sense? If you are Joy, I thought you were not because in the reply it calls you a guest instead of your member name.

  • Joy Alexandria

    It is me, but I was trying to delete that comment, since I was not done typing. I'l post it again.

  • Joy Alexandria

    REVISED: Yes, of course both parents can work together to raise their child, but each provide some different necessities to their children. And since we are mostly talking about single parents. I would state that sometime in a child's life whether it's an absentee father or mother, they will find someone to relate on a gender level or someone of the opposite sex to model off of. Would agree that it takes a village to raise a child? That a teacher, a mentor, a pastor, sibling, aunts/uncles, older cousins, grandparents could provide. Say a boy without his mother, looks up to his aunt or older cousin as motherly? Okay I think we can both agree, that there are some things mothers cannot provide that a father can and some things that fathers cannot provide that a mother can. Let me put it this way. Of course single dads or singles moms can raise their child to the best of their ability. Would you at least agree that as a woman you cannot relate to a man's experience as a man or the fact that we do not think the same biologically speaking, since our brains are wired differently? I should correct myself, a woman can teach her son how to conduct himself, what I was trying to say is that a woman could not provide her son what it means to be a man or I should say provide a masculine identity in a man's perspective. A man cannot provide a feminine identify to his daughter in a woman's perspective. But each can teach them how to conduct themselves and yes a woman can raise her son well and vice versa. You believe that a woman can take on some masculine qualities. (discipline, authority, independence, etc....) Honestly that is something that anyone can have regardless of gender, however it is more seen in males. I'm not saying they can't, I believe they can, I was simply trying to explain that there are some things males and females do not share that can be given to a child. Here I'll try putting a lis this time:

    Biologically: -Fe/Males think differently
    -Males can provide a male's PERSPECTIVE to younger males on life lessons/challenges as a man, body changes,women,etc. Males can be models for girls, in terms as some type of father figure

    Psychologically: Males can provide the masculine identity or identity of a man, even if they have if they have feminine qualities. Females can provide a feminine/woman identity to her daughter. I'm sure you know about Sigmund Freud that we gravitate to the people who are similar to our father or mother. That doesn't mean we will all end up with someone the same as our father/mother. Because in to some cases people try to make themselves aware of themselves not to. Since, it's psychologically, it can be challenging, but not impossible. I brought that up, because it happens to everyone and the character of our parents do influence our relationships and identity, since they're the first people we know and model by. That's not to say that there are other people in our lives that can influence our relationships or identity. What I mean by this, whatever a girls relationship is with her mother, will influence her relationships (friends, guy friends, boyfriends, etc) as a female and her relationship with her father and his characteristics will influence the kind of guys she dates. I do have to note that it does depend on the relationship with their parents, so I stand corrected on that. If the girl has an excellent relationship with her mother and her father was never around she may turn out well, but can still get that male influence from maybe her brother or uncle.

    Emotional: Both genders are able to have empathy, that's just being human, however, most men do not empathize the way we do. Disciplining, studies show that most, not all, but men are more direct when disciplining and on point, firm (not all). Women tend to be more passive, but can be aggressive, and use more emotion and are more descriptive when explaining than men.

    If you don't agree on all that's fine. Would you tell me where you do not agree with?
    And I would give you my email, but I really don't want it on the page, because I won't be able to delete it.

  • TheThinker44

    Oh ok. Well hopefully when my situation improves after college I will remember to take this debate up with you again. I did enjoy it and wish you the best. Also please remember, though I may have different reasons, I absolutely believe both parents are equally important. Someone implied differently and I am not sure if it was you or not but I don't think that at all. Thanks again. :)

  • Joy Alexandria

    You're welcome and it nice to hear from a different opinion.

  • AntiTheist666

    Avast ye me hearty!

    Yeah duty of care to the children comes first and those err heads (delicious ;) have to recognise the moral obligations of bringing a child into the world. And you’re right about the one that stays carries an extra burden, relationships can be hard work, families more so.

    I think we should steer our ship of nark towards those hypothetical absent parents who are serial offenders - and scupper their ship of foolish shelfishness. Is there any booty to be plundered here, an evolutionary advantage perhaps?

    Yo ho ho, on a dead mans chest, I’m off to splice the mainbrace.

  • steviecomment

    Women hold the keys to sex. And so they should. They are the ones who fall pregnant. So i guess i disagree. I must have poor social skills.