2006, Drugs  -   77 Comments
Ratings: 8.34/10 from 163 users.

This documentary investigates the growing influx of crystal methamphetamine usage within the gay populace. Through the testimonies of a several gay men, we understand of the drug's magnetism, its assurance, and why its reputation is rising.

Some of the people are ongoing users, and they expose their lives to us while under the continual drug effect.

Others are former drug addicts who have succeeded to climb back from the bottom to which their obsession brought them. Throughout, the film is a courageous look at the destructive properties of the dependence to this very severe drug.

Meth is an amine derivative of amphetamine, C10H15N, used in the form of its crystalline hydrochloride as a central nervous system stimulant, both medically and illicitly.

For Ryan the high was so good that the pain that he was feeling because of the disconnection from his family, the society, and from not knowing where he fits, it allowed him to escape from it. For a long period of time, the first six months that he was using, he had it under control. But once that door is open the door actually disappears... because once you hand control over to "Tina" you ain't going to drive... there is no way.

James was an average disaffected gay man; he had self esteem issues, growing up in a very middle class environment. He always thought that if he made something of himself and had lots of money and the material toys and possessions it was going to suddenly validate him. Ten years ago he got the six figure job, he got the BMW, he met the right guy... but it was never enough, nothing was ever going to be enough.

In the early 90's people were looking for a way that they can rock out and there was something new that was emerging - the circuit scene. In that environment crystal meth was allowed to kind of blossom. The fear of not fitting was gone.

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77 Comments / User Reviews

  1. Abbi

    I wish I knew what happened to all of the men interviewed in this film. I hope they are OK. <3

    1. Christine

      Me too. I’ve been googling trying to find out, but can’t find any updates.

  2. Tara

    I think this is an excellent documentary about addiction. The men were very candid and genuine. What I found helpful was knowing the fundamentals and outcome of addiction to anything is pretty much the same. It starts out fun and the next thing you know you are a slave to it. Its a parasite that slowly and eventually destroys its host. It changes your brain to where getting off is very difficult and then there is the physical dependency that develops too. You start to lower your bar further and further becoming and doing things you never thought you'd do. You start losing everything important in your life until its just you and your becomes a caged hell on one level you love and another level you hate. Anyone who overcomes addiction should be very proud they were able to do so. It takes strength, determination, and courage and self love.

  3. Liz

    I love how everyone was so candid and real.
    Did anyone realize that the guy seated in front of his medication is still high, pretending to be recovered with a grin plastered on his face and his pupils dilated to the hilt? Producers: this is a serious oversight.


      Safe to say that the directors were well aware of this detail.

  4. Kike

    Are aall meth heAds faggits?

  5. Trivikil

    Good Documentary, well put together and believable. But the Volume seemed to start really low and continued to get quieter as it went.

  6. Brandon

    Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but....

    I have watched many documentary's on meth I also am a Poly drug user myself with a masters in speed (so to speak) and I have to say this is THE MOST accurate portrayal of Methamphetamine I have ever seen.

    Did you notice they all have teeth? and decent skin? and no crazy propaganda looks? Cause that's the real face of drugs. Yes go down south where they don't take care of themselves in the first place and you'll find your picture perfect toothless skin scratched meth head but THIS is the real deal. And this isn't just for gay culture, it's gay, straight, bi, man or woman you'd be surprised the people around you who use. There shouldn't be any singling out of specific drugs and a stigma attached to them.
    MOST drugs have abuse potential all drugs have an LD-50 and no one drug is "the worst" it's the users and the circumstances surround them. I'm not advocating it in ANY way but I think the stigma needs to be removed so people aren't looked down upon for being addicted to one thing and treated differently from people addicted to something else and helped and treated with respect like everyone should.

    But of course that's just my opinion I may be wrong....

    1. Tina Gaona


  7. matthew walker

    the first 40+ minutes are spent ostensibly glamorizing the drug, with scant attention dealing with the downside. The maker appears to be still stuck in a tad bit of denial if he still finds such a treatment of the topic acceptable, no? As someone with 28 years since touching drugs, I can't imagine such a point of view.

  8. Jeff

    I can claim myself a fan of this documentary but I find its use of explaining the highs of meth to be dangerous in nature. In my not so subtle opinion I think its best to leave the sexual highs and hysterias associated with this poison as an untold fact. I understand this would not allow for a linear narrative and I am sure one could suggest that this , in itself, is irresponsible but I would vehemently disagree. It is the sexual high of this drug which gives it the addictive hold for a lot of users. Feel free to disagree but one cannot alter this addicts struggle which began because of the fact that Cocaine no longer allowed one addiction of mine to feed the other. Meth did and still does. The focus need not indulge the drugs highs...the lows are too great to have a potential users sight line moved away from.

  9. mic_drop

    I don't get called back to it. I was never gay, but I experimented. It is the dirtiest drug there is; it will mess up your innards. It is Satan's drug. I don't know how else to describe it. I really hope that people will not have to use it to find that out.
    Yes, there are 'cleaner' strains, but amidst those, you will feel your body rotting, and your family will know, despite your efforts to ward off the knowledge of it all.
    Please stay away. I beg you all.
    Please, please, shoot me a message if you're so curious that you still need convincing.
    I don't divulge information to just anybody.

  10. Entertainmentluvva

    very blunt..this documentary is very blunt

  11. chard01

    Leave Brittney Alone!

  12. ljeneschis

    Thank you for this documentary. It opened my eyes to so much in regards to a very very dear friend of mine. And now I understand much more about the "why's, what's, and, what the hell?" is going on. I will do just about anything to help save him. He is such a darling and dear person to so many people. This drug is truly a drug from hell. IMHO. One more thing: Kudos to ALL of the men in this documentary for your honesty, and just the fact of letting people into your lives---past and present---to most certainly be of help to others.
    With Respect~

  13. Marlene Ful

    May they be strong in their new life I wish them luck and may the sun shine on them on the dark times to give them that strenght.Thanks for sharing I think they will save others.

  14. chip griffin

    that doc. was done well. very honest look at both meth and hiv. done very well...

  15. KuffarLimeLeaf Bacon

    Excellent insightful, detailed documentary. I wish the very best for all the guys in this video, and the mum. x

  16. Richard Neva

    Stupid people doing stupid drugs!

    1. NX2

      Sure, we're better off with smart people doing smart drugs!

    2. NX2

      I guess you are not able to perceive the irony? Or the narrow mindedness of your statement?

  17. shafawn

    I'm not a drug user and I'm not gay but I don't understand why this particular drug is so popular among gay people. I mean why meth? I still don't get it.

    1. dmxi

      well,they explained it very well & leaves the conclusion that there's something to it which deludes the non-affected,don't ya think?

    2. shafawn

      I am not willing to try either to discover the mystery so you are probably right

    3. tryhard

      Take one puff and feel the exhilaration. You will question no more Shafawn.

    4. Pysmythe

      It'd be a lot better to remain in control of your life, as much as possible.

    5. tryhard

      Yes. I should have put it this way. If you were to take one puff and felt the exhilaration you would not question "why meth"

    6. Pysmythe

      Oh, ok, I understand you now. That's why I never did heroin... I already know if I ever did, I'd very likely be in deep trouble right from the start.

    7. dmxi

      that's the best defense....

    8. Pysmythe

      It is, and I'm a tense guy, by nature. Long, long time ago, I got in trouble with Xanax, and I don't ever want to go through anything like that again. Going through that was like having an electric generator shoved up your a$$ for two weeks (bugs! BUGS!). I imagine heroin is even worse... I have to say, what bothered me most of all about this doc is that it shows how centered a lot of us can become on just FEELING SPECTACULARLY GOOD all the time, how hedonistic it all is, and obviously life isn't supposed to be all about that. I wanted to slap a couple of those dudes a couple of times (some of them would probably have liked that, too, lol) and ask what the hell they thought they were doing.

    9. Richard Neva

      I may be verbal but I am not stupid. I only breathe in air in lovely upstate NY thank you!

  18. mitchmiller

    Being a gay man, I could identify with the movie. Luckily crystal never did much for me. it was on my "gutter" list of nasty party drugs; a poor man's cocaine. One thing it does do is keep you alert. You can do boring mental work for hours without brain fatigue. I have a feeling if crystal were available at work along side the coffee machine, a lot more people would be opting for a bump of crystal over that cup of java.

  19. dmxi

    so much to 'gay-pride',mh?full rating though for honest insight.

  20. HammyJ

    I thought this documentary was well done, but I think conveying the dangers of crystal meth would have more impact if some of the gay men shown weren't all pretty boys....if they had shown the meth mouth, the sagging pale skin, the anorexic look, and scabs all over the body, perhaps non using young gay men might be a bit more leery about experimenting with this nasty drug....

  21. bringmeredwine

    NX2, thanks for your latest comment to me. What you said wasn't shallow at all. Thanks for the in-put.

    1. NX2

      as my heart beats now, let me add, others are quite alright too :)

  22. Imightberiding

    Wow! That was unexpectedly powerful & poignant. I thought the editing was quite creative & intelligent.

    I've got to agree with @Bringmeredwine's initial comment about what an unexpected surprise this doc was. Very well done.

    Although this was a rather unique perspective for some in that this doc focused on the gay community & drug use, it is certainly nothing new as the men interviewed attested to. I don't need to clarify that crystal meth is wide spread & rampant in the straight "party" community as well. I'm sure most know that.

    I still remember the first time a friend of mine told me he had been using crystal back at the start of the 90's. I had the same sad feeling, almost of betrayal that I had when my best friend in the 7th grade told me that he had smoked pot for the first time.

    We were all so much younger then & as has been said in the doc & in another post in this thread, we thought we had so many friends. Crystal meth is without question a very dark, different drug than any other. Almost always a one way street to ruin.

    1. jaberwokky

      Well said Sir.

  23. NX2

    Damn...despite all negative consequences it still feels somehow tempting, you know? If anyone feels the same, then perhaps keep the following firmly in mind: " I get called back to it all the time. I recall it everyday.I have to recall everything, or else i'm in trouble. If i recall just some of the stuff, i'm in trouble."

    1. jaberwokky

      That's the part that hit me the hardest. There's truth in them there words.

    2. bringmeredwine

      Isn't this exciting? We might get a dialogue going here. I hate to think of people out there who have lived this doc, and feel they are all alone.
      I'll bet their words have struck a chord for many users, and other viewers, be they suffering from alcoholism or powerless to leave toxic relationships.

    3. jaberwokky

      Yup, that sounds about right to me. I've been lucky enough to have averted my own downwards spiral with my drugs of choice earlier on but thankfully I was never on anything as serious as meth or the dreaded heroin.

      What NX2 pointed out above though is a phrase that hits home very hard still. I wonder about my looseness with alcohol sometimes when I frame it against that phrase.

      You're not wrong with relationships either :/

      Edit: I've still got a a few friends that are swimming in this river. Totally unreachable, not the guys I used to know.

    4. bringmeredwine

      I couldn't imagine how my life would have turned out, had I ever tried and become dependant on meth.
      Perfectly successful and intelligent young men's lives went right down the toilet, and the thrill of meth's effects made them powerless to stop it, and physiologically unable to.
      Alcohol is a strange thing. It affects everybody differently.
      You'll see the hopeless derelicts sprawled incoherent on sidewalks; then there's addicts who function just fine and seem to have everything under control.
      It's really hard when you look deep inside yourself to picture yourself as an alcoholic.
      It's really hard to know the difference between do I have to drink, or do I just like to drink.
      I guess if due to health reasons, you had to stop-but couldn't; then you'd have an addiction.

    5. jaberwokky

      The reason I've never touched it, along with a handful of other substances, is because of the little voice in mah cranium that says 'You will be forever f--ked without return'. It's a voice in my head ... who am I to argue?!

      As for alcohol ... I'm Irish and therefore should not be referred to as a source for any credibility, regardless of qualifications. However, I will say it's appalling how acceptable it's become and how easy it is to brush off a problem until it's too late. And at the same time, where I live it's not okay to toke. A stance mostly supported by drunken degenerates ... but I digress.

      I still have to ask myself those questions every now and then when I'm drinking. "Do I have to drink, or do I just like to drink".

      I feel that this might be a complicated line of discourse :/

    6. bringmeredwine

      I never touched meth for the same reason as you. I loved how you put it!
      By the time meth came along I was well entrenched in a life of responsibilities and a parcel of young ones to raise.
      When I was young and foolish, I still stood back and considered the negative repercussions.
      Free drugs were offered to me all the time.
      Thankfully, I made the right choices.
      I certainly never experienced peer pressure from anyone. Never felt I had to in order to belong.
      I already had warmth and acceptance from a circle of really close friends.
      My druggy friends were good eggs, too.

    7. jaberwokky

      Do you reckon the responsibilities are what saved us? I actually do in one sense because I know how prone I was to all sorts of suggestion at that age. Possibly why I'm such a demon when it comes to asking my sprogs what they are up to.

      Ah the glory of balanced opinion ... I love it all too much. Where did my crazy go!?!?

    8. bringmeredwine

      Thread Hog here,
      Yes, I believe they did. The meth addicts were young, foot loose, and felt they were on the fringes of society.
      Maybe they told themselves "the rules don't have to apply to me."
      I was a freakin' working Kool Aid Mom in the nineties, for all the good it did me.
      When I was experimenting with drugs, I was young and free.
      Edit: I think you are still a little crazy, but in the nicest way:) Thank goodness you're here.

    9. jaberwokky

      Hello thread hog ... so we meet again.

      For all the good it did me? you jest. You being the voice of reason that also serves as a balancing point ... accept your new roll. To save the planet you must now focus ;P

      My recall of the junky mind is exactly that, the rules don't apply. I was invincible and unassailable and therefore anything that could induce more drugs ... well ...

      Edit: I notice I might sound flippant but that's not what I'm trying to be at all.

    10. bringmeredwine

      Baha! "the voice of reason"! I've made too many mistakes in my life, despite a reservoir loaded with good intentions. (can't go into details or would be veering madly off topic)
      I think you've successfully avoided the trappings of "the junky mind".
      Unlike the poor souls in the documentary.

    11. jaberwokky

      Damn you thread hog .... :(

      I've always had a certain respect for people that question their sanity, I'm a little strange in that regards.
      As for anyone that comes out the other end of the nightmare of meth ... I honestly don't know, I can only imagine. I'd definitely like to hear more from people who have been touched by it. If I could spread some knowledge in my area then yes, I'd feel a little better.

    12. bringmeredwine

      All my friends are a little crazy, and I wouldn't have it any other way!
      Yeah, I'd definitely like to hear from someone who's lived this nightmare.
      Like Ferenc.

    13. jaberwokky

      It actually annoys me a little that I agree with you so much.

      Edit: Kind of the same problem I have with docoman actually.

    14. jaberwokky

      I see now. By the "voice of reason" I was referring to your motherly instincts.

      Edit: Very powerful instincts.

    15. docoman

      Thankfully the same voice said the same to me. In the same way too :)

      I agree with red... don't worry mate, you've got just the right amount of crazy left :)

      If I ever get diagnosed with something terminal, then I might try everything I can get my hands on. Otherwise it would end up causing a self implosion I think, which would hurt too many people I care about.

    16. bringmeredwine

      That's the thing, some of us worry about how our actions will affect others. If you feel all alone, then there's nothing to hold you back.

    17. jaberwokky

      I've always had a feeling that crazy was a prerequisite to make sense of the day to day stuff.

      A little off track but ... I never thought I'd grow to an age where I could not determine my own end indepandantly, never mind how my mortal remains were disposed of.

    18. NX2

      Its a good voice, but once start using, in a moment of weakness perhaps, or a moment of carelessness, or desperation, that voice is gone.

    19. bringmeredwine

      I think I'm losing my mind, Lol.
      All these comments were missing just a few minutes ago!

    20. NX2

      eh? All these comments? What do you mean?

    21. bringmeredwine

      I swear to god, my computer was not showing more than 6 comments a little while ago. Your first reply to me was in my e-mail but not here.
      None of the stuff me and Jaberwokky had discussed last night.
      I must be trapped in the twilight zone tonight.
      That's why I posted my reply to you at the beginning of the thread.

    22. NX2

      ah i see, disqus is acting strangely again. happens to me as well sometimes :)
      No, you're not loosing your mind :)

    23. bringmeredwine

      Some of my friends totally admit to being alcoholics, but lead perfectly functional lives. They surround themselves with like-minded friends. Their social lives totally revolve around alcohol.
      My newest group of friends (the above mentioned) are visibly annoyed and vocal about the fact that I can party with them but easily abstain because I'm driving.
      I still have a really good time! I don't feel like there's anything "missing".
      These guys in the meth doc who were recounting how seductive the lifestyle was, must have always felt when they were sober that "something is missing, nothing else can make me feel at peace with myself."

    24. jaberwokky

      Something is missing ... so elusive and alluring.

    25. bringmeredwine

      "I wanna be as big as a mountain
      I wanna fly as high as the sun
      I wanna know what the rent's like in heaven
      I wanna go
      Where the river flow ohs".
      Scott Weiland
      Heroine addict.

    26. jaberwokky

      "I got you. But it's the craving for the good life that sees me through troubled times when my mind begins to wander to the spoon"
      Scott Weiland
      7 years later, "recovering" heroine addict. Same story, slightly different taste.

      Oddly enough I've been looking over the comments sections for this doc and the "Legally High" doc, along with some other similar ones over the last hour or two trying to spot anything the people that have avoided heavier drugs might have in common. I know it's possibly futile but I can't help thinking there's something there.

      One or two people I enjoy reading in the comments have stated how they've had similar initial thoughts. It's made me curious.

      I'm still riding high on my STP wave though ;)

      Edit: It just occurred to me that I might be stalking TDF :(

    27. bringmeredwine

      I like to reread the past comments too, and to glean similarities or make comparisons; but don't write about them because it would just seem a little creepy, if you know what I mean!
      Sorry to be mysterious in a previous reply.
      I have already been warned to stay on topic.
      Don't want to blow it.
      I'll be talking to you soon:)

    28. NX2

      Yeah, i have actually much respect for the man who spoke those words. In the end he said he's perfectly fine about being a regular guy now. That is of course not true, i mean, i'd love it if he lives a regular life now, but he's never going to be a regular guy. The things he says are way to insightful.

    29. bringmeredwine

      See my comment above:)

    30. bringmeredwine

      I think if I were in their shoes, it'd be very daunting to find productive and healthier ways to experience excitement, happiness, and a sense of acceptance. It would take a ton of introspection and self exploration. Things that are really difficult to attempt if you already feel bad about yourself or lack confidence.
      Man, did my heart ever go out to them.

    31. NX2

      Sure, my heart went out there too. Luckily i can't speak for meth, as such a thing probably would have been the end of me, seeing how a less potent substance made me neglect so many aspects of life. I might not exactly been in the same shoes, i didn't take the party route, but much of what they speak is so very much recognisable.
      The point is of course that certain substances lead to an inflated confidence, which leaves no more room for doubt. And that's what a healthy confidence needs, i think, room for doubt. So, it might seem daunting to find better excitement etc., but it's actually not a consideration anymore. In between usage there is a general feeling that something is wrong, which is very easily replaced by the thought of a next hit. Before you know it you're using all day(and night) long. You see, there's no more doubt, it becomes an automatism. even though after a while it doesn't feel that wonderful at all anymore. Au contraire. You just keep on going until something happens...
      The hardest part is of course afterwards, given you're still here. I think it's better not to think about excitement to much anymore, but to realise that despite all doubts and uncertainties everything is quite alright. i know this might seem to be a shallow thing to say, funnily enough it's something i realised when i first started to use. I think many (ex)users will recognise this. Everything is quite allright, which doesn't mean the world is, but you are quite alright.
      I feel as if it's a thing best to take with you.
      I know it helps me.


    To me to see this Doc really hit home and bring back memories what I' try to forget desperately,but watching this from the outside is give me different experience and I' know now wasn't alone the issues this peoples talking about.Back in 1991-2004 the Hollywood scene when we thought we had so many friends and yes I' was among so many individual and I' felt belong and didn't realize that I' am alone very alone.It's very sad because I' just want to be happy and excepted but the only thing take me in was the drug

    1. bringmeredwine

      I sincerely hope that you have beaten your addiction to meth and have found a happier life for yourself:)

    2. jaberwokky

      I admire your bravery Sir.

  25. Pysmythe

    My advice is: Don't watch this after downing several cups of coffee. Don't do that to yourself!

  26. Patrick Adrien Varencaus

    very honestly done doc.............

  27. bringmeredwine

    I found the volume a little low during this doc so I took the trouble to plug in some ear phones.
    I must admit, when I first read the title of TDF's newest offering, I rolled my eyes and had little interest.
    Because I don't have a life, I decided to give this doc a chance.
    To my surprise, this is the best doc I've ever seen about drug use.
    This doc catapulted me into a strange new world and kept me utterly fascinated! It was a wild ride through parts unknown, and the way this video was put together.......
    I was exhausted as it finally started to wind down.
    If hearing men recount their homosexual escapades makes you squeamish, then no, this is definitely not for you.
    The scenes of Andrew the drug dealer (a guy I couldn't stand) at the end, packed a wallop! I actually cried. But just a little.

    1. jaberwokky

      You weren't kidding at all.