Daughter from Danang
A heartbreaking documentary that upsets your expectations of happily-ever-afters, Daughter from Danang is a riveting emotional drama of longing, identity, and the personal legacy of war.
To all outward appearances, Heidi is the proverbial "all-American girl", hailing from small town Pulaski, Tenn. But her birth name was Mai Thi Hiep. Born in Danang, Vietnam in 1968, she’s the mixed-race daughter of an American serviceman and a Vietnamese woman.
Fearing for her daughter’s safety at the war’s end, Hiep’s mother sent her to the U.S. on “Operation Babylift”, a Ford administration plan to relocate orphans and mixed-race children to the U.S. for adoption before they fell victim to a frighteningly uncertain future in Vietnam after the Americans pulled out. Mother and daughter would know nothing about each other for 22 years.
Now, as if by a miracle, they are reunited in Danang. But what seems like the cue for a happy ending is anything but. Heidi and her Vietnamese relatives find themselves caught in a confusing clash of cultures and at the mercy of conflicting emotions that will change their lives forever.
Through intimate and sometimes excruciating moments, Daughter from Danang profoundly shows how wide the chasms of cultural difference and how deep the wounds of war can run--even within one family.
Heidi owes the people in Vietnam nothing. She was looking for a mother who loved her, period. I have been there, done that..long story. These people were strangers to her. I am appalled at the lack of empathy for her in the posts here. She was a very young woman when she went back to meet her biological mother hoping for just plain love, understanding and caring. What she got was, "take care of us"; sorry, but I see a huge culture clash and Heidi had absolutely no say in coming to the U.S. I know what it is like to have a biological mother who "wants" and she is a complete stranger, and an adopted mother who was a horror. No one can possibly understand unless it was their life also.
I was absolutely offended by Heidi's reaction and behavior. And I honestly wished her mom would've kept her during the war so she would've suffered and learned her lesson. I'm Salvadorean, I've heard the stories of the struggle that people went through during the Salvadorean Civil War, I can only imagine how bad it was for the Vietnamese people during the war in their home. Heidi's mom did what she had to do in order to protect her and save her life, yet when she meets up with her biological family she wants to be an ungrateful, b*****y american brat. That's sad, I could see how much pain her mother was in and it broke my heart because guess what? Her family was not being greedy or selfish, you could clearly see how bad they were struggling to keep a roof over their heads. As a Latina, we help our family out. If our grandmothers, our mothers, our brothers, sisters, cousins, FAMILY are struggling, we help. We do what we can to give them what they need and if they ask for more, we don't get offended by the fact that they NEED help and can only come to us for it. And it sickens me how easy it is for other people to criticize her family and talk all this shit about them being selfish and greedy, in case you didn't notice, they barely had a home, greedy implies having A LOT and wanting MORE. They barely had a kitchen to cook in. And you can't call them lazy when they lack any type of opportunity to find a good job and education so quit being so damn narrow-minded and excusing what Heidi did. She wanted to reunite and all this bs then acts like she has a stick shoved up her a** when it doesn't turn out to be what she expected. She got her mother's hopes up, she should've never gone or contacted her family in any way if she wasn't ready to be a grown up. All she proved was that SHE was the selfish one, not her family.
OMG @matt parke I completely agree with you! My family is the same way! It's frustrating and annoying because we are not exactly well off. We still live in a rented house while they have their own big house in Saigon and they still want money from us. I seriously hate this mentality, I rather do it the western way and only help when it's seriously needed. Seriously the obligation thing is only an excuse to cover up their greediness and their selfishness and also their laziness as well. Like you said, my dad's brothers have plenty of job opportunities yet they sit on their butt and rely on the money that we send. Then they spend it on gambling and stuff. They also ask for money once in a while and we have to send them otherwise they will create a scene and act like we are so heartless and evil that we refuse to help our own family. Many people don't understand this because they don't have families in Vietnam and they have not experienced this money begging thing. But if they do, I'm sure their attitude will change. I myself have all my sympathy, empathy and support for this poor woman. She's not only experienced such a difficult childhood and confused identity but also this shocking and cruel reality that her family expects her to send money to them like she is some sort of atm machine. If I were her, it's easy, I would just tell them yea it's nice to meet you l, but you know what, I have a different life now and you know I have my own family who raised me
Me and my parents live in America. My mom has sent hundreds of dollars back to her sister in Vietnam to help her build her business. But guess what? The sister says there's never enough. There is no love in Vietnam. Notice all the parties, all the gifts. After that comes the begging.
I can't believe she wouldn't help her mother or at least be in her life. I saw the horrible pain her mother was in. She would have been happy just to be with her. How sad.
this movie was heartbreaking for the mom..she HAD to do what she did in order for her daugter to live.can you imagine what the guilt the mom had throughout the years wondering what happened to her daughter. heidi pissed me off..how can she be so heartless? rejecting her family...why? because they are poor? im sorry to say heidi im busting your bubble..no matter what you will always have philipine blood in you..they are a part of you...no matter how hard you try to be the all american white girl. it was very sad to see her mom stroking her daughters face and crying of pure joy seeing her daughter..knowing shes alive.it was also sad to see the family heidis blood get rejected..how she does that without a thought is shameful..especially to the woman who gave birth to her.heidi has no heart..and to think her mom still wanted contact with her..i hope that when heidi gets old her guilt bites her in the ass for the way she treated them..
I would say it was a sad ending. I'm not an American and obviously, I had been raised in other way. I don't know how things are in Vietnam, but I saw this as bad manner of asking money for everything. On the other hand, I may say that Heidi didn't handle the situation well. She acted rude at the touchy and warm way her mom showed to her. Moms outside of this country are very touchy and whenever you are in town obviously they always want to be with you. For me, Heidi acted unrespectful with her mom and the way she looked at life in Vietnam.
Such a sad documentary, i weeped when i saw the re-union at the airport and changed from then onwards but kind of expected it judging from Heidi's reaction and attitude from the beginning. I feel for her to some extend that she didn't see 'money' part coming but mostly i blame her mom in TN that didn't raised her to know basic humanity especially in her situation whereby Heidi was given away in a poor country due to war and what poverty is in most of other countries. $20/month by no means would put Heidi on the street and to 'shut the door' on her poor mom with a 'smile' while her grandmother's fridge is stocked all the way up with food, yet she is worried about the carrot going bad, that my friend is priceless! Her family in vietnam may not be rich but they have something most other families don't and that is love while in america love comes only twice a year (thanksgiving and christmas), even then only if one is willing to spend a few hundred bucks to fly or drive to justify if it's worth to begin with. Not judging any culture by any means but learn to appreciate what we have here and most importantly, learn to love other human beings (humanity 101) who are less fortunate. After all tithing is something every religion teaches, why not help your own biological mother in this case....................
I'm 40, never met my dad, I know I have half brothers and sisters somewhere in Australia. If i went back for a week to meet them and they demanded money off me within the first week, I would be royally pissed off too so I 100% identify with the daughter in this doc. The only difference being I would have told them to their face how offensive that was and I would not have held back.
And as for needing some "space" in the first week of ever meeting them..damn straight! Its like you didn't give a shit about me for all that time..back off!
Now as a new student on a MA documentary course, this doc is amazing. It has everything. I was captivated the whole journey through. Fantastic doc!
I think the daughter is sob... What cold heartless woman she is!!! Had the opportunity and why not say the gift to meet all her first family, and no appreciation whatsoever!!! She had no compassion for the poor family of hers. I really hope that one day her daughters turn their back on her, so she maybe would suffer a little!!! as far as i am concern she should go to hell, being a piece of cramp the she is!!!
100% selfish Western thinking if I was the MOM i would proudly locked the door en trow the key in the deepest river , it is more than normal to help someone in this place your family , if you have a better life , many Asian in the world and also South Americans are sending money back home to support the family and try to give the young ones better education ..
I really dont want such a Greedy woman in my family .
Generosity is something from the heart too bad some westerners dont have that in their heart .. my advise is Don't go back you don't belong there
I can understand how Heidi felt when she was under pressure for a long term commitment. But as a grown up girl after a few hours she should be able to differentiate the the unconditional love and the money. How about one day her own children react to her when she is in need. Heidi's mum found her after 22 years of painstaking research and then lost her again in 7 days. I feel for the poor lady. I don't know as a human being how can Heidi close the door for them at least not wanting to know how your mother is doing. YOU MAY BE AMERICAN HEIDI AFTER ALL YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING BEFORE YOU BECAME AN AMERICAN.
the door is not lock because deep in your heart, you know they love you and you care too...the affection she showed you, you never felt from your adoptive mom...with or without money they will love you just the same...in some part of asia, when the child support the parent, it's like the parents crown and pride that they raise a good and loving child...it's nt about the money only, its not like they make you like money machine, but it is about the family helping each other...even if your mother gave you away for your good life, she will never tell you that you cannot live in her house anymore in normal circumstances such as coming home late from a date and that you cannot live in her house anymore, just like what your second mom said to you...i'm sure if heidi grew up in vietnam, she would also help without being offended if she is capable of helping....your reaction does not mean your a bad person, the only reason is because your upbringing is so very different, you will never understand the meaning of it....
This was a very sad documentary and goes to show how shallow and selfish western culture is.
Does anyone know how I can get the address of Heidi's family in Vietnam?
I will gladly be their benefactor since her daughter is too offended to help.
I can't help to post this after reading the reviews.
To Heidi: I am glad and sorry for your experience. I wish that you had prepare yourself for more than you expected. Cultural differences is very complex. Things that are insulting to you might not be to others. Sadly, poverty drives people to do blunt thing that are otherwise shameful. I agree, they should only focuses on catching up with you. Your emotion is normal as an independent person growing up in USA. I hope time will help you understand their point of view. People should not judge you for your reaction. However, If you still want to connect with your mother, you need better understanding of the way of life there. I hope this does not give you a general view of Vietnam and more importantly, your mother. As a mother now, you might have deeper understanding in her decision to give you up. Especially when keeping you means death for both. Her situation is quite unique where as her husband is a Communist and your father is an American.
With that said, please DON'T quote any thing as "That's how asian is" or "Asian is very up front with money". I won't argue that people need money and look to the west as a money tree. To generalize, especially the Vietnamese translator that travel with her, and to quote that Vietnamese are very up front with money is crappy journalism.
at first i felt bad for Heidi, horribly bad. and i still do. but the attitude she learned in America is so f****** UNBELEIVABLE! i am SO mad and her comments she made every now and then. they are not strangers! they are your BLOOD. of course, she was raised in a naive society where she was told to SHUN her identity of being half Vietnamese. the stuff your mother went through just for being with your Father but she doesn't see you as a mistake, loves you unconditionally, tried looking for you first. yet, you just go live your spoiled life in your amazing town. atleast they accepted you when you went to visit, unlike the community you're living with.
I feel so bad for Heidi's mother and the rest of her family in Vietnam. I was married to a man from a very poor country and we sent money to them regularly. It helped them to build a good house and to buy land to earn money. I cannot understand not wanting to help someone in need--especially your own family. I don't understand Heidi AT ALL.
The scout leader: Heidi had to spend an extra year in kindergarten, because SHE NO SPEAK AT THE ENGLISH GOOD. Well, enough quoted here I think.
I think after she acknowledged how much her mother had done for her by giving her up that it wouldn't have killed her to send twenty dollars a month even. She behaved like a spoiled brat. What did she expect to find there? People who were perfection personified? She wanted the reunion but, no ties. I really disliked this girl.
gran documental, una magnifica narración, nada que sobre ni falte. Totalmente recomendable.
It is heartbreaking to watch a daughter turn her back on her Mother. This piece left me wanting to hug my own Mother and tell her I will care for her forever. I just returned from a trip to Vietnam and I was so touched by so many people and there incredible level of kindness. It is such a beautiful country and so full of love. It seems that Heidi did not take the time or respect to understand her own culture. We live in such excess in North America and she could have done so much for her family in Vietnam as they would have done for her with their love.
A truely sad film.
What a tragic piece, I feel both for Heidi and her birth mother.
I think some of the commentators are being too hard on Heidi, taking sides when it would have been more just to feel pity for both.
She has dreamed of receiving unconditional love from her birth mother - something she felt she never got from her adopted one, only to see her dreams being crushed down by cultural differences, incompatible values and different perception of what family ties are meant to be.
If all you ever wanted is unconditional love, then being asked for money or any kind of material support will seem insensitive to say the least.
The tragedy of this story is that both mother and daughter had dreams, but their dreams ended up diametrically opposite, which could only lead to disappointment for both sides.
"The two years later" was absolutely heart-wrenching, it showed that neither Heidi nor her family (still asking for money after the failed attempt?) has managed to free themselves of their respective cultural concepts and find some common ground. Too sad for words.
If you examine other stories of reunions between adoptees and their birth families, you will see this same pattern. After an initial happy reunion, one or both parties backs off. Just because there is a blood bond doesn't mean that there is instantly love and devotion between total strangers. I don't think that Hiep is selfish so much as she is scared to let her emotional guard down and who can blame her? He birth father abandoned her, her birth mother sent her away (albiet for her own good) AND her adoptive mother rejected her for selfish reasons. Her birth family meant well but I think that because of cultural differences they just came on way too strong. I felt bad for all of them because they seemed like good people with good intentions.
I agree wit Ziggy, I am part Asian and I know my duty as a daughter. When my parents need help I help them in any way I can and when my mother gets older and cannot do for herself I will be her arms and legs. This is expected of me and natural. I and my family are in the states ans have been all of my life but I know my place as a daughter. I feel Hiep is selfish.
I don't know how I would react in her situation, but ,logically, she has the life she has now because her mother loved her very much. i think heidi is mean and selfish