A Complete History of My Sexual Failures
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A Complete History of My Sexual Failures

5.81
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Ratings: 5.81/10 from 16 users.

A Complete History Of My Sexual FailuresChris Waitt, the star and maker of the documentary, appears to be in his mid 30s and he has had his fair share of girlfriends — all of whom have dumped him. He decides to find out why and he attempts to interview each of his exs to see why he can’t find a relationship that lasts. If you can imagine knocking on the door of someone who has dumped you and shoving a boom mike and a camera in their face, then you can get a sense of how funny this is.

Indeed, in the first half hour, when he first sets out of his quest, there are some great belly laughs. For instance, when his agent/financial backer gives him an angry phone call after his wasted trip to Scotland or when he finally manages to interview his first old girlfriend and she reveals when their relationship took place or when the most angry of all his exs (who will only speak to him behind and screen and via a Stephen Hawkins computer) takes an age to type our her answer to his question “What didn’t you like about me?”

The pace of the film wanes in the second half and there is a fairly pointless visit to a dominatrix and an experiment with Viagra, but Waitt himself freely admits this. And you also wonder to yourself as you watch Waitt on dates “Is this guy for real or is he playing up on his slacker image to make his film more funny.” You also hope this isn’t the case in the films surprise ending, which has called a little bit of a stir. It is a very sweet ending … and, in a way, it is life-affirming. You never know what could happen when, in a booze/Viagra induced daze, you approach 300 strangers in the street and beg them for sex!

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Ware Darren
Ware Darren
12 years ago

This is all scripted! Does anyone think this is real?!?!?

"Make chums" with all the characters associated with this on the Facebook and you'll find they're stiil all mates and some currently work together. Learn to:
(i) Be sceptical
(ii) Observe for yourselves
(iii) Judge the evidence for yourselves
(iii) Remain the individual you hope to be

... Then, and only then, bother to move your fingers to post something that adds the value...

Godsclaws
Godsclaws
12 years ago

hahaha pretty funny, especially the interview with "Rachael" that cracked me up! Seriously tho, this guy is a d@#$head... no motivation, no ambition, just...nothing inside a nobody...

Eastedie
Eastedie
12 years ago

Were his dishelved clothes created by a professional costume designer? I can't help thinking a shave, shower and some clean clothes wouldn't have hurt his chances. Note most of the women he dated were pretty fastidious about their appearance. I'ts hard to believe they took him seriously.

Miles Weston
Miles Weston
12 years ago

Thats was bloody hilarious

Zsuzsanna Szigeti
Zsuzsanna Szigeti
12 years ago

The Russian girl promised to call him is his girlfriend since. :-)

cezy
cezy
12 years ago

I am pretty sure this is a mockumentary, anyway it was funny to see a man humiliating himself in front of his exes. And it was even funnier to see him getting whipped by the dominatrix... he he
Ok, maybe some parts seemed really sincere, like the end, but I bet most of it was fiction.
And I do not believe that somebody who looks so much lie kurt cobain wouldn't find a girl who'd have sex with him on the spot!
nice doc

catfur1903
catfur1903
12 years ago

Whether or not it was intentional (which I think was the whole point) it was nice to see that Chris was retrospective enough about himself and the typical "man" that it was very funny. I kept thinking "you pathetic bastard". I liked how he showed how really clueless men can be about women.

Cia'nan Cerotus Cathmor
Cia'nan Cerotus Cathmor
13 years ago

I have great support for this man and great filmmaker, its raw, its real, its not some overused comedy or anything like that, its pure god damnit, i would love to hang out with this guy for a day. And on the state of women, just like men, 98.9% of them are whores on the inside. If i was a woman i would f*** you, just letting you know lol, you look like kurt cobain, who wouldnt want a piece of that? ill tell you who...no one. Which means everyone wants to f*** him, im assuming if i didnt f*** up the grammer or spelling as i am extremely high on the green, I love how people throw out jobless idiot before anything else sometimes, i dont have a job....yet i study molecular biology and quantum physics. Just cause you got a job at f***ing target doesnt make you king s***, now run back to the service industry and spit on some more burgers.(refered tp doctoe evil<-----i know...what a f***ing douche).

JillBo
JillBo
13 years ago

"Wow British people are ******* weird and Scotland has gotta be one of the most pasty and depressing places ive ever seen. I’d still love to visit though."

Yes Stefan, ALL of what ever country you are from looks JUST like the worst area of it too. What an ignorant comment.

doctoe evil
doctoe evil
13 years ago

I found it hard to belive that this jobless idiot had so many great looking girlfriends. I think I would like to move to that town and date some of them hot clueless babs

Epicurean_Logic
Epicurean_Logic
13 years ago

The tragi-comic dead pan delivery was hilarious.

I just got dumped again and it was a blast to watch this as it really cheered me up and made me laugh. I totally relate to Chris in this movie. Yes it is a mockumentary but there is still something cathartic about relating epic failure to a global audience.

Here is the condensed version of my sexual failures over the last 9 months (reader discretion advised):

I'm an accountant, organic, oral jelly kamagra, corn fed, "You're a great kisser", Russian internet bride, man hating, f--ked me into A&E, couldn't get it up, worked her down to 200 Euro's, didn't want to stop till she started running out of the room, voluntary work, "you have a lovely cock", £50 a pop emotionally detached, $100 shoes, oh shit she is ignoring my cunt and cock sexts, "I'm not that type of woman", Greek dancing, free-to-roam-on-the-mountainside- organic-chicken, 3 hours a day on messenger, "my rich boyfriend from Germany", chase/ignore/chase/ignore, an Israeli homosexual called Eli, A-B-C-D reasons why I make a lousy partner, stop hitting on my date, Hmmm (hands in a praying position), "I only f--k men in power positions", "oooh it's painful from behind", Tequilas?, " I am loving, caring, sharing, giving, kind, caring, loving, sharing, giving and loving ", Never listen to Rush while f--king.

Oh yes and some Romanian poetry. Any questions?

Yes my tale can easily compare with yours Chris. 8/10.

Mona
Mona
13 years ago

Oh my god he turns me on...

Tapha
Tapha
13 years ago

Excellent documentary!! Man you made me laugh. ceazy experience
U are courageous, u're a complete fool, u're depressing and touching at the same time...don't f@#$ up again. the last one looks nice.

ProudinUS
ProudinUS
13 years ago

This was actually a pretty good doc.I found it funny as h^ll in some parts.

I could've done without seeing him naked and gettin' his a$$ slapped around by a dominatrix though.( Of course if my wife was to get "lost" for a day or two and a hot gal wanted to get nasty with a belt...?...Nah...well..?..she better not leave any marks!)

That girl at around 38:00 was hot! But fake as hell. A women like that is only for a "one night stand" and nothing else(as far as a sexual relationship goes.)

Sano
Sano
13 years ago

dumphead i agree one of the best documentarys ive seen to thumps up

matt
matt
13 years ago

This guy looklike Kurt Cobain

Ivory Tower
Ivory Tower
13 years ago

If the above commentators voted in the last election, I can finally understand how Obama was ever elected to the presidency.
Now about the film:
Important Point Number One. This movie was not a documentary; it was a mocumentary, in the tradition of 'Spinal Tap' and 'Best of Show', only with the production values of an 'independent' film, which is probably why so many were convinced it was real.
Equally Important Point Number Two. The fact that all but a precious few realized Point Number One, demonstrates that the film works spectacularly! Chris has his tougue firmly implanted in his cheek, with dead-pan delivery and nuanced understatement. A practitioner of the 'less is more' school of acting, he is simply 'in-the-moment' brilliant, in addition to being side-splittingly hilarious.
Final Important Point. Not only should we all recommend this film to our friends [without telling them Point Number One], we should encourage Chris to make more
mocumentaries. I, for one, can't wait for his next one.

creutzfeld
creutzfeld
13 years ago

Professionally and tastfully done. He could have made a proper movie out of this.

ASHU
ASHU
13 years ago

This documentary is made in funny way and it was something I had never watched in other documentaries.Excellent work.

Stefan
Stefan
13 years ago

Wow British people are ******* weird and Scotland has gotta be one of the most pasty and depressing places ive ever seen. I'd still love to visit though.

kristine
kristine
13 years ago

This was an excellent docu! Very entertaining and light-hearted. Very rarely do we see such honest and funny docus these days.
And a small note Vlatko, in the 2nd paragraph of your description, last line. You wrote ".. takes an age to type our her answer to his question.." Im sure you meant OUT.
Good docu again!

russian boy
russian boy
13 years ago

The whole point of these movie - he met Russian girl.
If you dated one, you know what I mean...

kimdracula
kimdracula
13 years ago

I really thought this was going to be a good doc, but it was horrible. The main character dresses like he has no respect for himself, or the people he's meeting.

MA
MA
13 years ago

Watched your documentary last week. It was different and ballsy. Are you still going out with Alex? :P

Clint
Clint
13 years ago

hey man ive just watched your film and i got to hand it to you, you have bigger balls than i have because i couldnt do what you did but i totally identify with the things you've been through though, the viagra episode was a little nigh-eve but none the less an important aspect in your journey as else you wouldnt have met alex... ive been through similar and its given me some sort of hope....thank you for doin this.

ruski
ruski
13 years ago

just finished watching this documentary and thought it was very entertaining,was both humoured and saddened in equal measures!

Ross
Ross
13 years ago

Okay im pretty sure this isent as genuine as he makes out! and it does matter if its real or not because that makes a good documentary! He is just really good at making people watch. I recon maybe some of its real but theres no way he would have so many g/f if he showd no interest in any of them(the way he acted in the film)He's clever and it was an alrite documentary but would have been brillaint if it was more real!

roberto hernandez
roberto hernandez
13 years ago

really good stuff man, deepest/interesting(est?) thing i have seen for ages, adds to the strangeness watching it late night on channel 4.

julie
julie
13 years ago

its fake, how can people not tell that?!?! hahaha

InedibleHulk
InedibleHulk
13 years ago

In case anyone is wondering, that censored word above rhymes with "mesbian". Didn't think it would be considered offensive on this site, especially considering what I just watched.

litleMonster
litleMonster
13 years ago

I'm about to dump watching your movie. Is it going to get better?

Mike
Mike
13 years ago

AAAgh!!!!! I have to wait till tomorrow cuz I've watched too many minutes today!! Poooooosticks

oliver
oliver
13 years ago

i met chris in a pub not to long ago just chatting about music and film. unaware of this film, someone mentioned it to me after, so thats whats led me here. to anyone who wondered, baring in mind this film was made a while ago, he is still with alex.

Tony Ryans
Tony Ryans
13 years ago

So did he bang alex?

Bulshka
Bulshka
13 years ago

and as i have expected...
it all comes down to sex.

Nasir
Nasir
13 years ago

hey
u have made a really nice documentary
its because ur emotions wer also into it
and so does ur xgf's.

Malleabis
Malleabis
13 years ago

Oh man, I loved this one.

There is a general feeling of pathetic-ness throughout the film that some might not be into, but it's countered by this guy pretty much being completely open to the world about his shortcomings... which is beautiful.

While maybe none of us are as incompetent as Chris, I think most of us will see a part of ourselves in his misery. We've all gone through a hard break up, and the self loathing that sometimes fallows.

I found myself laughing out loud over and over, and it's pretty hard for a film to do that to me. It's not even that this is a very funny documentary (ok, it's pretty funny) but it's not trying very hard. It just made me feel like life/people/relationships are so complex, that all you can do is laugh and wipe away the tears.

Hang in there Chris. A+ and double kudos bonus points for being a WARP film. (warp records is EPIC)

james
james
13 years ago

the real question is, is chris still with alex?

Bianca
Bianca
13 years ago

God, Chris. He's 30-something acting and dressing like he's some kind of grungy highschool student. He looks exactly what I would call a 'deadbeat'.

InvestigatorBrynn
InvestigatorBrynn
13 years ago

Dear detective james.... YOU'RE EIGHT! What "problim" could you be talking about?!

silly goose

JA
JA
13 years ago

That was so funny, couldn't stop laughing. Share the same problem, but to be honest I dont think about it that much anymore. You are so funny mate. Great doc

Mari Juan Ha
Mari Juan Ha
13 years ago

Ya some parts of the fill I think are totally unreal but fused with real life buts that ok. 7 viagra would = exploded dick.
I like how this guy put himself out their, but i did not appreciate the scene of watching his ass and penis being squezed, he kind of over did it. I think he has a good sense of humor and thought the best part was when the 10 guysd are aLL TELLING HIM HOW TO MAKE his cock work, and 1 kid tries to tell him he must be gay even though he looked like a virgin to me.
all in all chris doesn't have it that bad, i mean some guys his age have never even had a girl friend or real life girl and has like 10 which is still alot for most guys.

The psycho doctor was pretty funny and i loved the song about lesbians, rofl lmao. on the other hand I think his dick doesnt work because he maybe doesn't like the girls enough. If you try to have sex with a girl you really do not like you can have trouble getting it hard enough, or if you feel pressured or are not ready. Long story short don't have sex with people you don;t want to have sex with especially if your a man b/c you won't be able to get it up. This is not an unusual problem, most men just don't admit to it or hide it when it happens.

Neon
Neon
13 years ago

I also doubt whether some part of the film is real but there are real life situations within it.You are lucky to have a mum who is direct and points out your failures, if you don't listen to what she says then what is the point of going outside looking for it, because she is a women who have lived long enough to know a lot about relationship.

Curly
Curly
13 years ago

Ha ha ha absolutly LOVED this....quite funny and touching...the ending came together so well it seemed contrived but either way it was well done!

VeE
VeE
14 years ago

Taking 07 pills of Viagra will cause an instant heart attack, vasodilation and extreme blood flow inside the body, it is even hard to stand up!

Any how interesting documentary.
I liked "I know a woman who is always ready to talk to me, it is my mom"

kevin jackson
kevin jackson
14 years ago

de@r detctive j@mes,
wh@t iz wrong witchu? like re@lly m@n? wh@t kind of school studiez dis??

detctive james
detctive james
14 years ago

chris, im 8 years old and i loved this doc. we are studying this is school and i have the same problim. you go man!!!

detctive james
detctive james
14 years ago

chris, im 8 years old and i loved this doc. we are studying this is school and i have the same problim. you go man!!

Tia
Tia
14 years ago

I really wasnt sure about this movie at the begining, but it got better towards the end! I really liked it! I laughed and I even almost cried. There were parts were I kind of felt bad for him, and parts when I didnt like him, but having so many different emotions during this movie is what made it so good I think. I dont know if it was real or not, but it was entertaining!

(he was a little dumb) :)

Mary
Mary
14 years ago

This is very bad movie. It is a complete failure.

The main character, and director, is the most annoying figure you could imagine. Most of the situations seen in this movie are obviously set up... It's an interesting subject and idea, but it just didn't work in the case of Chris Waitt. He made a really bad movie.