Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict

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Ratings: 7.60/10 from 121 users.

Storyline

Ben: Diary Of A Heroin AddictAs a bright schoolboy from a loving, middle-class family Ben Rogers was expected to make a success of his life. Raised in a quiet, picturesque village Ben was a Boy Scout, loved cricket, played in the school orchestra and looked forward to the annual family holiday. But despite his privileged start in life Ben found himself on the road to ruin, injecting heroin up to four times a day.

During his last months, Ben kept a video diary of his drug use and desperate attempts to come off heroin. Ravaged by the drug, Ben's body began to break down: he developed DVT and his veins were rendered so useless he had to inject into his groin. Despite his family's best efforts, Ben couldn't stop. He was haunted by, and hooked on, heroin.

Ben: Diary of A Heroin Addict charts his lies and manipulation as he mixes his next hit whilst telling his mother Anne he is clean and making a new start. It reveals Annes anger and tears as Ben loses his fight against the drugs and shows how father Mikes unconditional love continues undiminished as they are forced to deal with their sons addiction.

Director Olly Lambert comments: It's incredibly rare to come across such raw and unflinching footage of a man so close to an abyss. I was speechless when I first watched it. I hope the film finishes what Ben had begun: to give people a visceral understanding of the nature of addiction. It has been a privilege to try and unpick who Ben really was using the intimate legacy hes left behind.

"I hope to god you look at these videos and see what a mess I got myself into." Ben Rogers.

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Comments and User Reviews

  • Caroline Harris

    How very, very sad. I hope as a parent I don;t watch my children ever go through this agony.

  • Nielsch

    Yes..!! Thanks vlatko.

    Been searching for this doc like forever, saw it once, but got deleted and couldn't figure out the name.

  • Joe_nyc

    Man..Me as a father, that was really difficult to watch. Need time to sort this out of me now...

  • http://www.lesremparts.net Steve Parker

    this was so frightening to watch. Every adolescent should be made to view this sad film. As a parent, I felt every emotin the parents went through. God Bless Bens Mum!

  • Janette

    My son died from a heroine overdose.He was only 23. This movie hit home. The family tried to help him. Billy Jay was in and out of rehabs. He was found dead along some railroad tracks with the needle under him.
    This is a picture album I made of him so all can remember just how special and loved he was and still is.
    BillyJay Memories

  • khushwant

    Very Sad doc..
    I live in toronto, I know a lot of heroin addicts who want to get rid of this curse but are unable to do so.Is it possible to stop this addiction without any medical help? because they cant afford rehab.

  • 95382

    I WAS A HEROIN ADDICT. I STARTED DOING IT ONLY AT NIGHT AND THAT EVENTUALLY LED ME TO QUIT IT. IT IS ALMOST 10 YEARS NOW

  • Emily the Awsome

    died from detox.... that is the biggest bummer ever! I feel for him family and friends. :(

  • j

    Sad sad doco. this is definetly the gritty reality which kids need to see. hopefully if they get the chance to watch stories like bens and make better choices for themselves, then bens life was not given in vein.

  • Charles B.

    I couldn't hold back the tears.

  • Niels

    I feel sorry for the his family, but when his mum said he started smoking marijuana and she didn´t think it would lead to heroin I got a bit angry. The gateway theory has been debunked by many scientists and when she said that having a son who is a heroin addict was like having a kid with special needs, I got angrier because the man chose to try hard drugs, the kid with the special needs did not choose it!

  • Jari

    Thank you Vlatko for putting up this extraordinary doc.

  • http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/about/ Vlatko

    Not a problem @Jari.

  • beauregard

    A brutally sad story. He did have some kind of will power. How else could a drug addict hang on to his camera? People like Ben need to be locked up in detox for their own good--before they are so far gone that the detox itself might kill them. If he was able to hang on to his camera, he probably had the strength to quit. Some part of him just didn't want to.

  • Ned

    Is there a way to detox slowly, over time? He seemed to do it cold turkey. Maybe by giving smaller and smaller doses?

  • Charles B.

    Beauregard: Yes, I noticed that too! My druggie brother (still living, thankfully) sold his mother's hand-made quilt for a hand full of drugs. I was pretty upset about that. I too wondered how he kept himself from selling that camera. Amazing and very sad story. I do hope he had the witts about him to pray again like he did near the end of the documentary before the anyrisum took him. I couldn't get his face out of my mind for such a long time today.

  • Ben

    This is by far the most powerful and moving depiction of drugs use. I was a heroin addict for about 2 years and I luckily went to jail for 6 months. I was clean for 14 months and just relapsed 3 weeks ago. But this isn't about me, this is about this documentary and the extreme accuracy it encompasses.

  • beauregard

    Charles B: Yes, I hope he prayed a good old gospel prayer, with remorse and repentance in his heart, the Holy Spirit regenerating, and faith laying hold on the merits of Christ for salvation from a hell even worse than the one he chose to live.

    Winneropolous: I hope you're joking. It sounds like you exchanged one addiction for another, and are headed for a fall that leads to destruction.

  • Steve Parker

    Unfortunately Ben was just a victim of this horeendous drugs bussiness that has been encouraged (yes thats right ENCOURAGED!) by some governments. 80% of Heroin comes from Afghanistan. Since the so called war on terror production has increased by over 500%. Drugs have been used and are still used by governmants which help to fund "Black Opps" if you dont believe me; ask Ollie North and do the reseach. the Russians demanded the poppy fields be sprayed to kill it at source but the Americans rejected the idea. Something stinks somewhere. Ben was just one of the unfortunates who got caught up in this evil trade. Thankfully to Ben he left us with a pictoral legasy that we all may learn from. We should pray to whatever God we believe in and thank Ben for opening our eyes to this barbaric trade. Rest in peace Ben.

  • Chelsea

    Most of these comments are the most downright ignorant fcking thing I've ever read in my life.

    Beauregard: Why don't you do a little research next time before jumping to conclusions? Ibogaine is taken one-time and has been proven to stop the cycle of addiction to many hard drugs for up to ten years. It is truly a miracle treatment which allows otherwise hopeless addicts to get their life back. Anyhow, try not to be so judgmental and narrow-minded in the future.

    The people who have come in and proclaimed that they are or have been addicted are really the only people who know what they're talking about here, because you cannot even imagine how much you don't know about such things by living in your bubble where the world is a perfect place and drug addicts are just the scum of the Earth.

    Neil, you made good points.

  • j

    @ chelsea

    i take offence to you suggesting that

    The people who have come in and proclaimed that they are or have been addicted are really the only people who know what they’re talking about here, because you cannot even imagine how much you don’t know about such things by living in your bubble where the world is a perfect place and drug addicts are just the scum of the Earth.

    people who have made the choice in their life NOT to take drugs may not be able to understand exactly what it is like to be an addict but for every drug addict there are families and friends who are going through it as well.

    what makes you think that we live in a bubble or that we think drug addicts are the scum of the earth???????
    i think that could be your issue not anyone elses.

    it is the family and friends who pick up the pieces when this horrible drug takes the life of their child or brother or sister etc so to suggest that we have no idea unless we are or have been a drug addict is very offensive.

  • Chelsea

    His mother even said it on the video, "it's worse for him". You really can't begin to fathom what kind of mindset one is in when they are in the throes of an addiction, that's just the way it is. You can't really know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes, I believe that this statement applies here.

  • beauregard

    Chelsea: You should bail out of the commenting industry until you learn some manners and until you learn to speak instead of pontificate. The informed comment is better than the ignorant remark. The rebuttal is better than the ad hominem. Look intelligently at the comments of Winneropolous. Then see the problem there! And drug addicts are not the olympians of suffering. Consider those who suffer patiently while doing good and whose suffering has nothing to do with habitual self-infliction. These people are examples to follow rather than (like Ben) self-indulgent casualties that need a continuous 24\7 watch. Ben caused his father an early death. Ben should have broken from his bubble in order to be a blessing instead of a curse.

  • Jari

    @beauregard, "Ben caused his father an early death.".
    -I thought the father was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died of that.

    @Charles B, "I too wondered how he kept himself from selling that camera."
    Interesting isn't it? The filmmaker said “That camera was in and out of Cash Converters all the time. He had to pay up to £200 every time he got it back. That’s a lot of money when you’re really desperate. But he always went back to get it. It was the one thing he hung on to.”

  • Charles B.

    Jari: I must have missed that part. It's a Britishism, I think. I don't know what a "cash converter" is unless it's a pawn shop! Thank you for the clarification. I'm American as you may have guessed so it was a bit hard for me to understand everything said in a British accent and it seemed a bit low and mummbly at times.

  • Chelsea

    Beauregard: Bail out of the commenting industry? Sorry, but this is not as serious to me as it appears to be with you. I never said that drug addicts are the olympians of suffering, I stated that unless you've been in that situation yourself you cannot understand it. A will to be clean is often not enough, many people with substance abuse issues also deal with co-morbid problems such as mental illness, which makes it much harder to treat, because both must be treated in order for the person to even have a chance of making a recovery.
    As well, he didn't cause his father to die an early death - his father was diagnosed with cancer, someone with a terminal illness can die at any time and the man was also 71.
    Self-indulgent casualties? Really? I really hope that somebody close to you never has to deal with an addiction because that is one of the most ignorant things I have ever heard.
    There are a lot more things involved than simply having the desire to be clean. I really don't think you understand how much drug addiction (especially to opiates) affects one's brain. The chemistry of your actually brain changes. If it was so easy to break from one's bubble and be a blessing -- though I highly doubt his family looked at him as a curse, otherwise they wouldn't have allowed him to come back home from living on the streets and turned a blind eye when they asked him not to use in the house -- then it would not be so hard to stop the cycle of addiction.

  • beauregard

    @ Chelsea: Right, you did not call drug addicts the olympians of suffering. Sorry.

    Ben's father did die of a disease. But the stress of having to work into his senior years in order to support his dead-weight son obviously contributed to accelerate his death. Illogical thinkers will deny this, as will emotional reactionaries who are determined to make drug addicts into innocent victims. Illogic and emotions do not change the facts, though. A self-indulgent casualty is what Ben was. Calling one of my comments ignorant is not a refutation of it. In case you object to me saying that to you Ben was nothing but an innocent victim, let me just say that this supposition seems to be supported by both your attitude and your comments. Was Ben innocent or guilty? Choose.

    The family might not have looked upon Ben as a curse. But that does not mean he wasn't one. Have you never heard of logic, Chelsea?

    Did I say that it would have been easy for Ben to be a blessing? Did I say that a desire to be clean was enough? Did I call drug addicts the scum of the earth? Slander will not disprove what I say.

  • http://alexgonzales.com alex gonzales

    Its a sad story but i cant help but think that his parents contributed to his addiction, they in some way aided it although overtly they where angry, but the whole family has issues. Its sad.

  • giukan

    there's no painless way to quit heroin. a strong motivation it's vital. I was a heavy user, now, after many attempts, i got off, 3 weeks now, i always feel like going back to it, specially when things around become a bit stressful. It's a struggle, a strong one. but with a bit of preparation and a strong motivation (you really have to want it, i mean you don't like at all what you see in the mirror and that kind of things ) anyone can do it.

    all the best

  • deb

    To the comment made by Neil:
    "...she said that having a son who is a heroin addict was like having a kid with special needs, I got angrier because the man chose to try hard drugs, the kid with the special needs did not choose it!"
    I understand where you're coming from, I just wanted to point out though that I don't believe she meant it that way. I think she was just trying to illustrate the amount of care he needed...

  • Bryan

    Very sad documentary indeed. Some similar documentaries which would be good additions to this site are "Black Tar Heroin", "Through a blue lens" and "High on crack street".

    As an aside, can anyone tell me the track playing in the background at the very start of this doc? Sounds a bit like the ambient stuff aphex twin recorded.

  • Nikki

    Dear Ben,
    I am terribly sorry you had to die feeling a failure, not only to yourself but to your family. I sure know how that feels, and while you are no longer with us... I would like to thank you for making this video, for what ever reasons. It made a difference in my life, in this moment and time. R.I.P Sweetness! XOX

  • This is for Niels

    Niels that is utter bulls**t saying that cannabis is a gateway drug, yes some people do go onto doing harder drugs after first feeling the effects of cannabis but then again does that mean just because you started smoking cigarettes that was a gateway to using alcohol? no that logic is pathetic and outdated. I’ve been using cannabis for around 4 years and it is ****in great and I haven’t touched any harder drugs and don’t intend to.

  • BoB

    I had a friend in exactly this situation - a good middle class boy with parents who loved him a poly addict of the first order. In both cases 6-12 months in jail (my friend did 6) wouldve sorted him out - real detox facilities where you'll survive with help but boy will you remember it then real life in a cell with scarey people the like he wouldve never seen before - he wouldve realised what he had. In the end tho I think the fact he made the film as the best way of stopping others doing the same is something real his mum could hang onto - an achievement really, whatever the state youre in.

  • BJ

    A truly amazing "documentary". I saw this almost a year ago now and I agree with Steve Parker's above comment that it should be shown to adolescence and be part of high school programs everywhere.

    Whilst watching this I couldn't help but think of Ben as, almost a great artist making not only an amazing film with a huge social conscience but also with a knowledge of how he was hurting the people around him. Ben, by making this film painted a perfect picture for parents or potential users of how such a nice gentle person can become overpowered and completely run down and in many a sad case, death is the only way out.

    So powerful. I hope Bens family at least know that.

  • K.T

    So sad. I'm still crying as I type.
    At least his life will NOT have been in vain. I'll make sure as many as possible of my acquaintances see this and perhaps this might save a life or two... so sad.

  • Chelsea G

    wow im out of words.. very powerful documentary.. it upsets me wen ppl pass judgment on someone who was obviously in pain.. i am not gonna say that it was Bens Fault.. or his parents.. who am i to pass judgment on a situation that i have never been in.. how can i pass judgement wen i dont know myself wats its like to feel like i wont survive without a drug.. i dont know wat its like to have a heroin addicted child.. i dont know wat its like.. and only those who have been there can really say.. but i am gonna say that his family will be in my prayers.. and so will Ben.. i would never wish that kind of pain to anyone.. not even my worst enemy.. i cant even imagine wat was going trough Bens head and i am truly sorry Ben and his family had to go trough that.. RIP BEN.. and thank you for letting us have a glimpse into ur life and what u had to live trough.. and i promise u Ben, u saved someones life by making this video and u have touched us all.

  • StarSignature

    Did this b**** really just say that it was "a waste of good food" when her smack-addicted son fell asleep in it? Obviously this house wasn't as perfect as it sounds. The kid probably couldn't be himself his entire life with parents like that. I'm done watching this.

  • Crispy

    His parents needed to be more strict. It's just the truth.

    I can't believe they drove him to his dealer to score!

  • BJ

    @ StarSignature

    wow... interesting reaction you had to this. I 100% did not expect something like that to be brought up from this video.

  • Robin

    I used to be addicted to heroin and other narcotic pain killers. I tried to stop on my own and I couldn't... Using drugs changed the way my mind worked. It changed my logic, my values, my morals and destroyed my coping skills. After 2 in-patient and 3 out-patient therapies, the ONLY thing keeping me clean today is the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) program...

    I am thankful to live in a party of Canada where there is a needle exchange program. I always had clean sterile equipment. Otherwise I would have been using a spoon or a can to cook up like Ben was with non-sterile water and re-using old needles and this would have only added serious health problems to the all ready long list of problems I had.

    By the time I decided I had to quit, I had lost my apartment because I did not pay the rent, the phone, cable and internet were already cut off. I would eat at soup kitchens and food banks, and pick up cigarette butts of the ground to smoke.

    Addiction has nothing to do with intelligence; I completed a bachelors degree. His parents are not to blame. Nothing they could have done would have made him stop. If they did not help him get his drugs while he lived at home,he would have stolen from them, so they would have ended up paying either way.

    It has been 20 months and two days since I last used any drugs or alcohol.

    Personally I quit cold turkey. The pain was unbelievable and it was very hard on the body for the first 4 days; however if an addict is strong enough to survive cold withdrawal, I believe it is the best way to go. Having gone through such a painful experience helps be get through other pain that I could easily get prescription narcotics for.

    The reason I chose to watch this film today is that as recently as yesterday I was having a hard time not going back to using; The Obsessions were there and the compulsion was strong. The main reason I did not use was that another member of NA was with me and kept reminding how miserable I was before I quit. For some reason the mind seems to remember the first time I used and how wonderful it was; not how horrid it was in the end.

  • Yorkshire lass

    Amazing film. I'm truely moved by such a sad yet honest, hard hitting, well produced film. I hope this film gets shown in schools and maybe a few life paths changed before its too late.

    Sad waste of a life but I hope his saves others.

  • Simon

    stupid junkie scums why can't just all die faster without destroying their families If it would be up to me I would have snapped his neck during the second video stupid worthless junkie

  • Jon Gilbert

    I'm 20 years old and i've seen some drug abusers in my life. The sorrow and compassion i feel for this family brought me to tears. I knew drug addictions were bad and heard stories, but seeing this really shed some light on my life. Very amazing doc. and i agree with some of the comments saying all kids (teens) should see this. I hope this do can help to save the life of other drug addicts i really do.

  • hannah

    how do i watch it?

  • An X Addict

    Im glad Ben did this as it shows the true life of how a drug addict is caught between wanting to be clean and wanting the drug, the drug normally being the stronger of the two.

    I hope this is helpful to parents too as its so true that parents cant do anything to help but wait for the addict to decide to help themselves and yes sometimes it is too late. So if there is a drug addict reading this comment "Yes you are worth it" so go and get yourself clean XX

  • An X Addict

    AND AS FOR THE COMMENT FROM SIMON - Get an education !

  • Dave

    It's a mix of emotions Reading the comments as one of my closest friends was addicted to heroin and has relapsed despite being 6 months pregnant. The emotions I felt were:-

    hope- seeing all the people on here who have gone and got clean despite how hard it is.

    Despair-of being able to tell instantly who the current users are by Reading a catalogue of excuses as to why it's impossible to get clean or someone elses fault (even valid excuses are still excuses)

    confusion- as to how my friends father went cold turkey after 15 years of chronic using and now leads a normal life with children in a loving clean environment and has done for over a decade (I would like to hear the junkies justify how he is different to them?)

    sadness- that my friend is a lot more likely to end up dead than one of the survivors if she
    kills her baby I wouldn't expect her to even want to save herself even though that is the last thing I want to happen.

    The only thing I've learnt is that to get clean the user has to want to do it themselves. I think only weak and selfish people use, that's why they can't get off it, willpower and enough love for your family and friends is all you need anyone that says otherwise quite simply has made the choice that heroin is more important to them than anything else, to all the users out there I beg you to be honest with yourself! If you choose heroin over life then I won't judge just don't expect me to listen when you blame anything and everything apart from yourself for being the cause of your problems. Take responsibility, do something you haven't done for years... Care!

  • Marshall

    What a selfish Dick he was to put his family through that. Addictions are a myth. Anyone with a spine could stop doing something if they didn't want to do it. There's No excuse for his actions whatsoever. If I had a son one day and he is a drug addict, He will be dealing with it alone. I won't help him or support it. He definitely would not be living in my home and doing it.

    I've tried drugs before and enjoyed them. Then never thought about doing them again. There's no help for people who don't want help. He knew what he was doing the whole time he did. He just didn't care. The parents seemed relieved that he wasn't there putting them through hell anymore. they may have loved him and they may miss them but they are happier with him gone than with him being there.

    That's obvious. If one person wants to ruin ones on life then so be it. But bringing everyone else down with you is terrible. Especially your family that loves you and takes care of you. He had no respect for his family and didn't deserve what they tried to do for him.

  • Jason

    This is a real eye opener. Everyone needs to see this. I would like to believe that people can help themselves and get out of these messes if they want it. I have never been in the situation of being an addict so I can not really speak but my grandfather was an alcoholic. Watching him suffer was tough and I remember him telling my mother that he didn't like what he was doing. He kept referring to demons, it felt like he had demons in him control what he did. I can only assume this was the addiction. This video shows the harsh reality of drugs!

    This video struck me in a strange way and it is going to take some time to sort it all out and let everything absorb.

  • slaney

    i never had time for herion addicts and this has totally changed my opinion on them

  • chris

    Are we supposed to feel sorry for him !!!! The family yes but not him, lazy, selfish, weak and wallowing in self pity, a little boy in a mans body who liked to fish for comfort and sympathy
    the real Ben was seen when he was with his "undead" friends, not all of them have such a loving family to go out at all hours to keep his addiction fed, most "smackrats" will go out and abuse and steal and wreck other peoples lives and then when they have the glow and warmth of the drug inside them start to pour out a weired sort of drunken sincerity to anyone who will listen, he had a good life and forfitted it to a useless drug, I may sound harsh but I have bigger struggles day to day than this empty vessel ever had, its easy to take the " Im an addict its not my fault" route than it is to go out and work and struggle to keep your head above water that feels like its constantly rising, My heart go`s out to his family and friends but Ben you were never gonna make it and you are better off now. Sorry.

  • Jules

    Such an insightful and heart wrenching doc! but what an incredibly selfish individual. Ben put drugs before everything and anything and he cared more about the substance than his family and himself. What a complete waste of a young life, and for what?!
    I found it interesting how the family eventually came to accept his addiction and it bacame almost like a bizarre part of everyday life for them as well as for Ben.
    I really feel for Ben's family that lost a brother and a son to heroin, and the enormous impact and power that Ben had over their own lives.
    I hope I NEVER experience this with my own children!

  • DarkVamp

    @Bryan
    Watched the Docs you suggested they were great.

  • bradley

    my father was a heroin addict. I watched him destroy his own life until eventually I found him naked on the kitchen floor lifeless. I feel for Ben's family watching something like this happen to someone you love so dearly is one of the most helpless feelings anyone can ever experience.

  • AYO

    marijuana addict sad...

  • mukesh

    god when i used to see this doc i used to remember my past days which i used to be same on his place i know it s hard to live free tat life but one commitment changed my life it s been 5 years i am free without drugs without touching alchol i can t belive i can do it but i did ......N.A GOD GRANT US A SANIRITY ,TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN ,AN WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCES..... FEEL SAD BUT STRONG FAMILY OF UR MY FRIEND .....LOVE UR FAMILY

  • Ben

    how do you cite any of these documentaries ?

  • Ben

    in mla format

  • http://charmainehayes369@btinternet.com Mainey

    Ben i hope your the brightest star burning in the sky x
    Everyone who has watched your documentary will have different thoughts and feelings about it.....But two things im certain of is you have brought awearness to all that watch about the deadly addiction of Heroin and what unconditional love is, you showed this throughout x

    I will always keep your story close to my heart x

    I hope you and your Dad are together again x Rest in peace Ben x x x

  • young

    @Marshall

    You claim "Addictions are a myth. Anyone with a spine could stop doing something if they didn’t want to do it."

    I challenge you to try and kill yourself by holding your breathe. Or to go an hour without blinking. Do you have the power to do this? Can your will power alone get you through the pain? NO. There are powers within us that our outside of our control.

  • d korleone

    So many points one could reflect on and many have about this sad documentary. I would like to draw attention to the irony over what actually killed Ben in the end. And that would be his quitting cold turkey of heroin, even in a supervised detox facility no less. This to me highlights the common ignorance that surrounds addiction and how one needs to go about treating it or perhaps even living with it. It is one of the most misunderstood issues in society by both professionals and laymen alike.
    Ben was very desperate as well as afraid to go without his heroin and for good reason as we now know. Detox facilities would never accommodate any kind of gradual withdraw and his mother couldn't understand his desperation after quitting at home for a few days. Which ultimately led him to jumping out his bedroom window in order for some relief which just made a bad situation much worse.
    There are many reasons which keep a heroin addict addicted. The most common being the fear and pain of going through the withdraw process when one actually ceases to use. This more than anything keeps the addict from even wanting to try. Some of the comments described above accuses Ben of being very selfish for putting his parents in so much pain. Ben obviously was suffering because of that and that is what brought on his premature death actually. Perhaps if Ben could have stayed at home while going through the quitting process and was able to get some much needed relief when he really needed it, with his parents support and understanding, he might still be here today. Ben knew more than anybody that his body needed what it needed and he was not wrong for serving that need. The guilt he felt in letting down his family is what killed him not heroin.

  • cony71felt any

    Well I have tested it for a season around two or three months once or twice a week, we sniffed it, it was fine but not as to repeat it constantly, just something extra, not a need, but I did not feel any withdrawal simptoms, luckily, but as soon as I would have notice craving for the substance had quitted because I do not go through such a hard addiction and all the consequences it takes, alcohol moderately is ok, cannabis as well, but cocaine and opiates, please be careful, do not be so stupid to think that you are different or under self-control. try scarcely or just once for a try, but do not forget its dangers.
    For all the heavy users of any substance, is not just the substance is the person who gets addicted to some reactions, but the drug is not addict is the person, remember that.
    Sorry for my English, I hope it is completely understandable.

  • nhk

    We can only imagine what Ben was going through; he died due to a withdrawal of drugs, which alone shows how much of an addiction heroin was for him. He still had the heart to go to the hospital though, even while being afraid of what he might go through without using heroin.

    Amazing and very powerful documentary.

  • lb

    I cannot believe how many people have left sympathetic comments. To his family yes, but clearly he's just another waste of life destroying himself and those who love him. This hasn't shown me "a different side" to heroin addicts, not at all. People's sympathy should be given to people born with incurable diseases or children with terminal illnesses. Not this pathetic excuse for a human being. I just feel sorry for his family.

  • http://charmainehayes369@btinternet.com Mainey

    I am shocked how some people can put such crawl and hurtful comments about someone who is no longer with us x Ben has a family who loves him dearly and to read some of the things that has been written on here must be heart breaking x I think for the sake of his family if you havnt got anything nice to say dont say anything at all x

  • ezza

    I!@#$ Ironlungs have another bong with the boys!

    Coming from someone who's friends have used in the ninety's im sure you know everything right? Yes I know heroin addicts who have used alot longer than 8yrs try 30yrs. I used myself over a 2 yr period of my life! These people I know used everyday and went to work came home and used again again again and were very healthy looking men and women.

    As there is all different severity of use not all heroin addicts are the same. I suppose you think everyone share needles as well? Addicts die from overdose or withdrawals. And after a very long time of use the body will deteriorate. You maybe should get some more facts ITS NOT ALL ABOUT WHAT U SEE IN THE MOVIES.

    you would be surprised at some of the people that use it very powerful people with lots of money! You would not have a clue if they passed you in the street. in saying that I know heroin addicts like Dan to but you cant stereotype everyone!

    It is a battle for so many of us i feel for his family tremendously but thank god he had a family to support him in his struggle. Also for all the d@#$heads who wrote nasty comments about heroin addicts why did you watch this doco if you feel that way about heroin users.

    It is the drug not the person and just for your spite i really hope someone around you goes through something like this so you can understand what people go through!

  • chkytoffee

    I really wanted to know what made him take heroin in the first place, well why anyone would take heroin. Heroin is addictive and we all know that so why would he ever do that to himself or anyone do that to themselves.

    This is really sad and I do feel for Ben but most of all to his family. They really stood by him and supported him or though it might be for the bad in some ways but I guess family will always be family.

  • chkytoffee

    @ ironlungz

    He's called Ben not Dan, have you even watched this properly or read the Title????? and your saying this is fake lol good observation mate.

  • Dan

    Seems like healthcare messed up big time here. What the hell were they doing trying to detox someone who is bleeding from every orifice.

    The poor guy should have been stabilised in hospital on a maintenance dose of pharmaceutical heroin (which can be legally used in healthcare in the UK) until he was healthy enough to detox. Pharmaceutical heroin would not have damaged his body like the impure street garbage he was sticking into his veins (that needed to be cut with acid before injecting).

  • anon

    what a hard hitting, real life documentry. i have a close family member with the a similar circumstances. i felt every emotion with Ben's family. it made me just try to understand the other side of the addicts life. i have young children whom i cannot wait to educate on this painful subject as soon as i feel they can comprehend. in our situation my mum is the one i feel for the most as it is like a life sentance for her.
    i honestly think that this is possibly one if not the worst situation a person could get themself into. it feels like quicksand and the family spends so much energy and emotion trying to help the addict because of the love they feel.
    all i can say furthermore is if this documentary helps any family or deters a person from using heroin, well done to Ben and his Family for this documentary!

  • SimonTheSorcerer

    ****** junkie scums why can’t just all die faster without destroying their families If it would be up to me I would have snapped his neck during the second video ****** worthless junkie

  • jenn

    this is seriously the saddest video i have ever seen... it left me in tears... if this was my son i dont know what i would of done... god bless his family and i hope he is finally happy and feels like he is worth something...

  • jenn

    i have read some of the comments now that i have posted mine and i have to say how can some of you people be so rude... this poor guy started using for reasons unknown except by himself and when he was finally trying to get clean to show his father he could amount to something he died... dont talk unless you have been there or known someone that has been there... addiction is a hard thing not only for the families but also for the user... HE DID IT FOR A REASON... i think its great his family put this up if it only deters one persons child from using then so be it... it starts with one...

  • ironlungz

    @ezza dude, HE HAS CAMERA AND HE BEGGS ON THE STREETS. WTF man, if you used heroin to the part when your knee caps hurt in the morning you should know that at that time you are willing to prostitute if it is up to that to get your dose.

    The ppl you know have jobs, ok.. I understand that everycase is different. But the character in that movie - he doesn't have a job, and he has car, and gold chain and video recorder. Do the math, dude.

    I have never said I know everything. For fudge sake, have some critical thinking.

    I agree with you that those who talk s@#$ to heroin addicts are a@@#$&*^, no doubt about that. This is a serious condition and it is a disease.

    @chkytoffee

    whatever his name is, get the point... gosh

  • John Loftus

    How hard is it to get away from Morpheous,the God of dreams?? I've lost many friends & aquaintances from this & only have sympathy for those who cant escape it. I've tried it & escaped from it many years ago.But often it still was in my mind.Dont condemn if you've never been there,its harder than you might think.

  • Not who you would think

    Im a former heroin addict, ive been on methadone since 2006, and ive been clean for 2 years. I only used for 2 years... but it has you by the balls within the first week. It will never happen to me.... ya right...i got in a workplace accident, got hooked on the pain pills.. then it was all down hill from there... It is harder to quit than you can possibly imagine... painful... physicaly, mentally, and emotionally. I lost a close friend to heroin.. that was my turning point... that and losing my job and my family dis-owning me. But it's been two years, ive got my family back, my good friends back, and my health...

  • mars

    Astounishing!
    This film is about 'hurt' and self discovery in the web of dependency.
    A shame Ben and his father dind't survive this tragedy

  • exo

    this is encouraging, despite how upsetting it is, for this recovering addict anyhow

  • SimonTheSorcerer

    @jenn
    Oh I've been there. I've been there I was a junkie scum myself too (not herion pills and weed) ,thats why Im saying we are all worthless scum. Once an addict always an addict it is called addictive personality. I just simply traded in my addiction for something else , some new addiciton...

  • noon

    Very profoundly sad. He made bad choices and got trapped. Why condemn someone for that?

    Needle exchange is absolutely vital. Methadone helps.Pure heroin would help. Legalisation would help

    I very much doubt that the cerebral haemorrhage he died of was caused by the withdrawal process on its own. His blood vessels would have been weakened by the process of injecting impurities and bacteria into his bloodstream. So the impurity, not the heroin killed him.

  • Ike

    I think his parents & family are to be blamed.......for being so weak & not taking this seriously when they should have & allowing him to use at home.
    They should have sent him to prison or a lockup to begin with.

  • ber

    when your under the hand of drugs it is not possible to think normal so the drugs is in control and only when your of heroin for a week then your mind is coming more clearly and only then you wil understand what you were doing. bud then there is the problem of living with yourself and enduring all the stupid and shamefull things youve dan. and your brain does not make enough endorfine and you feel unhappy.. only after a long time
    your system wil come in balance again. for me that was 1 year
    changed my city and friends here in the netherlands.
    BEN YOUR MY HERO.. YOU WIL SAVE PEAPLE WITH YOUR CAMERA SO YOU CAN BE VERRY PROAD.... ber netherlands

  • ber

    to ike, sorry my friend bud you dont know what your talkin about. think about it( the options). its easy to judge bud its hard to love every buddy.

  • Ike

    @ber
    Dude, its my opinion, like with due respect, u ain't the godfather of heroin addiction....even I can say that u don't know what u'r talking about.
    Where I come from & the way I'm brought up, if I was in Ben's place, my folks would would have done exactly what I said & I would'nt blame e'm at all cauzz I've lost my battle & its upto them (cauzz they'r closest to me) to do something drastic about it.
    (they just had to tell me only a couple of times with my smoking & now I'm an ex smoker). So please please learn to take other opinions into consideration before judging bro.

  • ber

    maybe your right.

  • HoboBoxerJoe

    I could feel Ben getting so close to the redemption he sought. He knew that he had passed the point of no return. It's hard to explain unless you've been there, when your life is so fucked up that going back can kill you. Getting clean is hard, and at this point he knows that the other dozen or so times he tried, especially the first two, would have ended it for him. He would be 10 years clean by now. His dad is dying, mom is resentful, sisters aren't around much, their kids are uncomfortable around him.

    All these things went through his head before, but at the very end of the video you could just see it all hit him at once. A cold acceptance of "Do this or die trying" seemed to flow through him. And I think he knew the more likely one was death. Maybe even a year or two earlier and he might have made it.

    I personally went into oxycontin/heroin withdrawal so bad my heart seized up from the pain. It was a horrifying experience and I'm lucky to have survived. They actually had to use morphine to keep my pain down enough. I am also disabled with extreme knee and lower back pain, as well as stomach pains. So into withdrawal as far as I was it was just, beyond agony.

    Before all this I used to be a fighter. And one of the best around, locally, anyway :P. I was undefeated as a boxer, and doing well in Krav Maga, as well as Kali and other special forces level training. Then I'd teach boxing to kids as well as some kickboxing. Today, after cancer and addiction, I'm a shadow of what I once was. I wouldn't say helpless. The average hood wouldn't be able to do much to me. But as far as competition, I've got leagues to go.

    Pain Clinics were what got me. I had no urge to do anything other than smoke the great flower, the cannabis plant. But going through watching my mother with stage 3 cancer was difficult enough. She was on plenty of pain meds and was often careful about avoiding addiction. I saw how much pain she was in due to her being afraid of taking her full perscriptions. So she would often wind up with extras.

    Eventually I started getting pains in my back from childhood rhematoid arthritis that I didn't know I had. As well as being flat-footed. These problems could've been solved with a chiropractor (when I could afford one last year was the only time in 4 years when I didn't use a cane to walk constantly. But I couldn't afford going 3x a week), and some good physical therapy, and diet. Instead I was given some lortabs and liquid codeine, which I found out much too late was a mistake somehow. The codeine was supposed to go to my mother, lol.

    Anyway, I got a lot of relief from that. Next thing I know I'm getting extras from my ma, without her knowledge. She didn't even know they were missing, she almost started throwing them away but then I'd say I'd do it and just keep them.

    Eventually, after winning 20 fights, 18 by KO, 1 draw. I had hurt myself so much I had to take a break. That break turned into a couple years of very minor abuse of pills and taking bunk jobs while selling plenty of herbs on the side for the real money. I had quite a stash built up and was on my way to training again. Then I got hurt pretty bad in a street fight, attempted mugging, to put it lightly. I came out ahead but not before taking a blade in the back. Yet another setback. The story took one more twist when a paramedic I knew who would get weed from me and was also a boxer and did work for fighters, even the underground bracket, but I digress. He ended up giving me some oxycontin 40s, that's all he had on him, he told me t obreak them into 4 pieces and use them for awhile and to be "very very careful." How he got all these oxycontin's I'll never know. I decided to not ask.

    Next thing I know I'm into a 3 month binge on the 100 he gave me. Not all at once mind you, I had tricked him into giving me 50 more through the magic of becoming a drug addict and our incredible ability to presuade anyone. And I started needing more, and more. And the rest is history. I love 70 lbs of muscle. I could bench 350lb even in the state I was, and could keep myself fairly toned up and looking good. Next I was flabby as hell, man-boobs, overgrown shaggy hair. etc.
    Heavyweight boxer to middleweight nothing in 9 months or so.

    At one point I was shooting up with two fentnayl suckers (or however it's spelled) in my mouth, then I'd snort some oxy just for kicks soon after. I got so bad that of course I lost most of my friends.

    This video made me feel so intense at one point I vomited the first time he shot up into his groin. Then I teared up at the end. I felt for him so much it hurt. I just wanted to do something for him. You could see how much untapped talent he had.

  • Sunnythebunny

    most people dont get how heroine works?
    The reason you take it for the first time could be anything, but when you do, you feel unparalleled ecstacy, the feeling of everything around you to be with you, its like having gotten whatever you lived for, its the most comfortable of all states, its like the perfect velvety blanket that covers you from the cold truths of reality..
    the first hit makes you believe everything is ok and then you feel like "that was the best experience I ever had its only stupid if I never have it again" then you try it again everytime more convinced to visit it back again, and in the early haze of the addiction everything looks normal and under control.. but soon you are known in the junky circuit, you have friends who use, dealers no. is on speed dial..
    and by the time you think of quitting you no longer have the conscious choice

  • kim thompson

    this brought me to tears , ben reminded me so much of bryn , the father of my 2 little girls who sadly lost his battle to this evil drug in march last year. im studying at college now to help others in the same situation. i hate it when people see users as scum . under neth the drugs lies beautiful people who have lost control of their own minds and lives. ben left this behind as a shocking warning instead of making excuses for himself . perhaps he was weak in life but so so so brave as he knew the end was coming. GET THIS DRUG OFF THE STREETS NOW AND BANG UP ALL THE DEALERS.RIP BEN X KIM.,

  • 2542

    "Emily the Awsome

    Thank you very much for giving away how the story ends. Very much appreciated ... (in case you missed it - i was being sarcastic)

  • kia

    I think Ben filmed himself to show others the dangers of drugs and because he felt so isolated and alone. How something so benign could become so all consuming that we become as helpless as a flea upon its back. That is the reality of drug addiction. There is no control.

    It is very difficult for the non-addict to understand this but you have to realize that not even addicts understand what is happening to them. They feel helpless, and most want more than anything in the world, to stop.

    Some thoughts from experience:
    Do NOT try and go cold turkey or kick in a week because it will not work and it is not good for your body. -unless you have a relatively light and recent (under 2 years) habit. We did not become severely addicted overnight and as a result, cannot undo it in the short term. He needed to stabilize on methadone and taper down slowly, over a number of years. No rush.
    Once stable on a lower dose, he could then taper down even lower, half a milligram at a time. All this time he would seem to those around him and to himself as a recovered person because he would not be shooting up, nodding out, and be out of control wasting money and his life. He would almost immediately start to look healthier and gain weight (provided he took care of himself of course). This is what methadone can offer when used correctly.

    Once stable, and on a low dose for a while he could switch to something like bupernorphine (which being a 'partial agonist' is easier to get off of later. One could also detox on methadone all the way to zero. Time, patience, and perseverance are key.

    It is almost impossible to stop because addiction and the obsessive compulsion to use is centered in the most primitive parts of the brain. Those parts responsible for survival (or 'fight or flight' responses).. so it becomes an obsessive-compulsive disorder in which the brain becomes diseased and the impulse to use is as dramatic as it is because the brain literally feels, 'if I dont do this I will die." We are not aware of this, only that we must use.

    But methadone (coupled with a sincere desire to stop) can work very well. Not only is it a much longer acting (synthetic) opiate than morphine/heroine, but because of that enables one to get away from the significant rituals that are such a fundamental part of the addicts life; scoring, shooting, sniffing, or smoking H. It can offer a level of stability most addicts had long stopped believing was even possible. That said there are no magic cures.

    My heart goes out to Ben and his family, Thank you for sharing this powerful footage. Ben was probably wiser and braver than most give him credit for and I believe this film with keep others from even trying heroin and so will probably save others from the same hellish nightmare. Thank you Ben for your bravery and your honesty and your sincerity.

    To those who think the addict is the problem and if they only applied a little will power they could overcome their problems, you should consider the fact that for every 8 people who experiment with recreational narcotics use, only one will eventually become a hardcore addict. One in eight. Obviously there is some other component at work in those people and we should not further penalize this already terribly disadvantaged group by stigmatizing them with derision and insults.

    Talking to people who have been through it themselves is a good idea. Recovery is possible.. I wish I had know Ben in these years when he was filming this. Not that I could have prevented his actions, or made any difference..but perhaps could have offered a little direction based on personal experience.

    It doesnt take "5 days" to get off of a long term heroin addiction, it takes years. Once the physical effects pass then the real battle begins, -staying clean.

  • kia

    re 'no control.' All addictions can manifests themselves differently in various people.. Not everyone will self-destruct to Ben's point. Other may be much more functional in terms of holding down a job and keeping some semblance of a life together. But for the addict in the grip of his inability to refrain from ingesting the drug there is little or no control. The addiction was established psychologically first..and then the brain changed and he steadily deteriorated.
    Kicking drugs can be a severe shock to the nervous system. Who would willingly do such thing to themselves? (To those who pronounce moral judgments upon him).

    Prohibition clearly makes everything worse. If the drug were prescribed to someone like him it may have been easier to get him into a treatment routine. One common scenario (tied to prohibition) is how common it is for less experienced addicts to OD when relapsing. This is because their tolerance levels have dropped but they fail to decease the relapse dose and use what they were used to before they started detoxing. Or it just happens to be a particularly strong batch of heroin and their habit is lower than they realize.
    It does not take much. And you stop breathing. There is no turning back from whatever you slam into your vein. The addiction becomes is the worst kind of slavery and no matter how 'functional' you are or how much money you have, you will only ever be a dim image of the human being you could be without drugs. No one wants to become a junkie.

    Legalization of narcotics really means medicalization. Who can argue that this is not a medical issue? Would you start smoking crack if youc ould get it from a doctor tomorrow? No. Because of its outlaw status we have an absolutely insane situation in the world and a lot of needless deaths of users. The crime manyof them commit to support their habits. Not that it would completely go away, -the black market will always exist so long as there's a demand driving it. But it is the addict that really drives traffic. Not the casual, user or experimenter (aka, future addicts)

    We have a literal war up the block across the river in Mexico with rehab slaughters and tens of thousands slaughtered..Utter chaos brought to you by gangsters with mostly American firepower and your drug loving public. Billions wasted on a ridiculous complete failure of a drug war (that could be used in treatment and education. Where would we be today had we started this 20 years ago? It has to be better than where we are.

    Why do we have this absurd system when we could obviously do so much better? It works for the owners banks, -the same reason we have every policy that is bad for people but good for business/

  • Luke

    Extraordinary documentary. The only time I've seen first, second and third person accounts of the grim reality of drugs and specifically heroin. The fact that you could sense Ben had more to offer was particularly upsetting. Also, his father dying 9 weeks later is tragic.
    Hopefully, this video diary can have a constructive effect on society as intended; a small positive to come out of this all to common story.

  • Armchair Shrink

    Thanks, Vlatko, for making this extraordinary film available to us.

    I'm left with a profound sense of sadness. This family (like most normal people) hadn't the foggiest clue as to how to behave in the face of their son's terrible addiction. They became unwitting enablers, at times in denial & unwilling to truly name the problem; referring to it obliquely. They tried to maintain some semblance of normality for themselves but, with a heroin addict in the home, it was impossible.

    IMO, this film underscores the need for societies to do more in order to prevent the influx of these drugs. Drug traffickers & dealers are soft-pedalled by the justice system in many places & left free to ply their deadly trade in our neighbourhoods with deadly consequences.

  • Lannie Catlin

    Oh how very sad indeed. Why on earth would they not have made sure he was detoxed safely so that he would not go into serious withdrawal. Couldn't that have made the difference between life and death for him. It seems in my travels as well some addicts just don't make it. They may try detox many many times but just get out and use again. It is a terrible disease and I can't help feeling terrible for his whole family and Ben as well. No one would ever want such a life for themselves, one you are hooked it takes on a life of its own and its almost impossible to kick it.

    All the love and best wishes for his family on the loss of the father as well as the son.

  • LC

    "Don't judge a man till you have walked two moons in his moccasins" Do not judge this man because he was an addict. His pain and trauma must have been so unbearable that he felt the need to numb it with drugs. Could be anything. None of you are innocent, so you have no right to judge this man. This of course is directed towards the people who feel the need to say cruel and vicious things about him.

  • frank lyons

    rest in peace, ben.

  • Now im clean !!

    This comment is to anyone who slags off or has no clue what they are talking about. Heroin users come in very diffrent forms of people. Having been a long term user myself i do understand a few things.

    1. Heroin addicts don't all die or fade away after 8 years, im living proof, I used for 17 years and am now on a methadone programe.
    2. The truth off the matter is everyone suffers, from family to user.
    3. There is no magic cure or I would off found it years ago.
    4. Just cos he managed to keep his camera and a chain round his neck does not make this doc false.
    5. No one starts using with the intent to destroy thier lives or anyone elses.
    6. All heroin addicts are not scumbags or selfish people, the drug and addiction causes addicts to do horrible things to themselves and others.

    I found a lot of comments to be judgmental or just plain naive. No one sets out to be an addict or to be a f@#$ up for himself or for their loved ones. Many i know bitterly regret the situation they are in and the things they have done including me. And im not making excuses for anyone, the whole spectrum of addiction is more powerful and more destructive than can be put in words.

    the fact is it happens, its not a blame game, and I truly believe that unless you walked in Ben's shoes you have no right to judge, at all!! This doc gives you a very small insight to addiction, it does not show the whole picture and doest set out to do that.

    The fact that it gets you lot talking and thinking, then it has done its job. Mush respect to Ben r.i.p. and his family to have let this of been broadcast in the first place. I just hope that people realize that there is no right or wrongs here and it gives a small glimpse into the lives of all concerned. Thanks for taking the time to read.

  • Renato

    Sad story rest in peace

  • Now im clean !!

    @Kia Hiya just been reading your posts, so this is just a quick msg back to say well done for putting something usefull up rather than some of the tosh put on here, If you have not been in our shoes, you cant judge, have an opinion, yes, as long as its non judgemental!! Anyway thanks again. Rick.

  • Stacy

    I came across this documentary because I had been looking for raw footage of heroin addiction for my portrayal as a heroin addict for acting class. It has been very hard to find something so raw. There is very little material out there showing people going through it. All of the research i've done has made me feel really sad to know that this is what heroin addicts are really struggling with. This documentary has by far, had me the most affected. I was in tears just thinking about how hard it is, not only for the family but for the one addicted as well. When we're in school, we hear about drugs and how they're no good but many of us has never taken them or know anyone who has. So to see how these people live, how trapped they feel, how society treats them, what kind of life they had prior to losing everything, it's really hard to imagine being in it whether you know someone or it's you yourself. From this documentary, I'm taking with me the sense of worthlessness, pain, suffering, struggle, devastation, Oblivion, emptiness and put it into my scene for class. Thanks so much. I'm so sorry for the loss to the parents. In a way it seems like the drugs were keeping him alive. What a tragic ending.

  • user

    EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH THIS!!!

    My thoughts are with Ben's family and Ben.

  • http://hurtyoubad.com Shane

    I guess you can't trust a junkie :(

    The world revolves around them and their addiction. Rips families apart.

    I don't think pot has much to do with this, it's hardly a gateway drug, no more so than alcohol or nicotine or caffein, if a person wishes to dabble with injecting heroin or ice or crack, then they are choosing to mess with being a full blown addict at some stage, like Ben. Who wants that?

    Poor family and mates of this Ben guy would suck to see over time. Condolences.

    RIP.

  • amd

    This is a very heavy documentary - Thank you to Ben and his family for sharing his struggle. God bless to Ben and his family.

  • One

    This depicts a struggle fought by many, conquered by few. Ben's struggle is one that will undoubtedly stay with whomever see's it, including myself.

    It just goes to show that no matter who you are, or where you're from, we are all human, and we all make our own choices.

    My heart goes out to the family, and you Ben..
    Rest In Peace..

  • josh

    I am a recovering heroin addict that went thru hell getting clean.A medicine called Suboxin saved my life (2 years clean).Watching this brought back alot of nightmares. Godbless Bens family you are great people and my prayers are with you

  • Pyrrhus

    @Winneropoulos
    I had never heard of Ibogaine.
    I am forwarding your whole message to a friend in the Netherlands.
    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
    Stay good!
    Peace.

    @Steve Parker
    Finally, someone shining a spotlight onto one root of the problem:
    The United States of America (the fascist gun of the West!).
    Few seem all too concerned about WHO supplies drugs like heroine (or WHY).
    I hope more people here read your comment.

    @ j
    "people [like you?] who have made the choice in their life NOT to take drugs"
    may be able to offer some helpful hints to those who have made the mistake.
    Waiting...

    @beauregard
    xtian, thru-&-thru.
    "Some part of him just didn’t want to."
    u sound just like Nancy Reagan.
    gospel. holy spook.
    i got a better idea: bury a frog at midnight under a full moon.
    every 'born-again' i have ever run across is like you:
    1. judgmental;
    2. unhelpful;
    3. short on how to solve problems;
    4. plenty good at identifying them.
    don't waste time formulating to this condemnation some 'logical' retort --
    i've blotted you out.
    JeeeZus Saves!

    @Charles B
    keep praying

  • kay

    WOW.... that was very hard hitting.... At least he's at peace now... what an extremely sad ending to a despairing life of drugs... This film should be shown to EVERY 14 year old in the country as part of the national curriculum.

  • shubzz

    if u take drugs.. it will be the only thing in the world that will matter with u... it will ruin ur lives..DONT DO THEMM

  • Anders Karlberg

    This is some of the most "real" footage i've seen. My thoughts tonight are for you, Ben.

    - Sweden

  • http://coolthingsnstuff.blogspot.com/ tyrone

    this is really amazing. I love watching documentary's about things like this because it really shows how extreme these addictions can get!

  • Djordje

    Amazing...truly amazing...this is so sad, i've never watched something like this, it really makes you wonder about all theese people living around you, having this kind of life struggle, and I pass by them every day... :( RIP Ben.

  • Cindy

    Thank you Ben.. Bless you soul and may you rest in peace.

  • AMA

    VERY TOUCHING... RIP BEN.

  • Mirza

    A very sad story. Freaking drugs ruining lives of many good people. I hope some day us humans will find a working solution for this drug crap.

    RIP Ben.

  • Joe Pook

    Here's a solution that works every time:

    1) Take him down to the cellar.
    2) Handcuff him to something that cannot be moved.
    3) Take a baseball bat and BREAK HIS FUCKING LEGS!!
    4) Wait 6 months

    The result? ...no more addict.

    He would be alive today and the monetary cost would be considerably lessened.

    It is simply amazing what can be accomplished with a simple baseball bat.

  • nick

    Yeah, as one with experience, and with as much honesty I can muster, the truth about addicts lies somewhere between the "victim" view and the "scum, gutless, loser" view.

  • nick

    I think those advocating ibogaine are the closest to a solution. Ibogaine is truly a miracle. Its tough, to say the least, but nowhere NEAR the agony of withdrawel.

    I wonder if the parents knew of it....I find it hard to believe Ben had never heard of it.

  • Ike'

    @Joe Pook
    Spot onnn. That's the only solution. Nothing else works including rehab.
    I used to be a smoker back in school (can't compare it to heroin addiction, but nevertheless its still an addiction). And my folks got to know bout it................I did'nt get beat up & shit but they were firm & strong about me quitting IMMEDIATELY. Never smoked ever since.
    Ben's parents were weak and they should have locked him up somewhere, but taken care of him there, only for a few months. He would have probably still be living (and clean).
    Its funny people sympathizing with Ben & his folks.
    PEOPLE ARE FULLY & DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS

  • Gracie

    As a Sister, Wife and Friend of a heroin addicts this was difficult to watch As a youth drug counselor I will require my clients to watch.

  • stacy

    a junkie is a Junkie is a junkie... Losers

  • mattpg

    there are some thoughtful comments up here. the others of you have no clue. you ever herd of the saying judge not unless you want to be judged. look at yourself are you perfect, no your not. you think when a person starts on dope they stick the needle in there arm and say to them self lets become a junkie. it happens over time and for me i started snorting it and it led to bigger things. i never dreamed i would turn into what i did.the drug takes over and controls every waking moment of our lives from the time we wake and until we go to sleep.people say why not just stop sound easy enough, well its not. i hated my life and what i become tried to stop many of times for other,for myself,and whatever else. life sucked but i couldn't stop. it took me 10 years to finally be able to stop. as for me i had to go to prison for 2 years and figure out who i was and what is important in my life. the little stays in rehab or jail didn't work for me. i had to get away from everyone. heroin is a very powerful drug it will take over ever thing and change who you are. some of you people out there need to think before you speak.
    R.I.P Ben and God bless his family.

  • crystaladgallant

    im sure u could take ur mother, sister, brother, child, etc and break there legs. what would u do seeing their loved ones crying, shakeing, pissing n shitting their pants from withdrawls. my loved ones didnt break my legs or chain me in the basement. no one could ever, ever understand unless they have been there. most people, includeing me, are drug addicts from the first time we ever used. drugs affect us different than others. i havent used a drug in 4yrs, but i know if i did...even after all this time...it would affect me the same way it did 4 yrs ago.
    i dont understand why people like u have to say things like that

  • maryelle123

    It is hard seeing your kids like this,but what our drug addicted kids do to us(their families) is not right! My feeling is if my son wants to continue to lay around and do drugs and ruin his life leave us out of it,I am tired of the negative impact he has inflicted on our lives because of his addiction,these drug addicted "kids" destroy there families and they dont even care,they blow through our money,they make our lives and relationships miserable,there has to be a point in our lives where enough is enough!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QAXHQTTABZJXAB3JP7A254MT7Y GodmanEnki

    I tried Heroin one time. I threw up. I could never understand how someone can get "hooked' on something that makes you throw up? It never made sense to me. I almost died once fixing cocaine. Had my friend not been there, and thrown me in the tub with ice cubes and frozen steaks from the freezer, I'd have died for sure. That was it for me. Had I not gotten married to my "childhood sweetheart/woman of my dreams," Id' have died eventually. But Heroin is a "different animal" I guess? We did acid because it was even legal. But that got old real fast. I feel for this guy because his Mom was right. When you hit "rock-bottom," if that doesn't convince you, then you'll have to die, and get reborn again through Karma. Maybe the next time around, whatever the lesson is, you'll be successful, and won't have to donate your life again. For nothing.....

  • killadelphia1

    Rest in peace, Ben.

    Is that Louis Theroux narrating?

  • http://profiles.google.com/scottykamehameha scotty kamehameha

    So what are you proposing? Do they not deserve treatment? Addiction is a genetic affliction -- those people who know they have the gene and have children are culpable. Also, the fact that the children ever even used hard drugs is indicative of bad parenting after some fashion. Finally, any psychological lack or childhood trauma that causes a person to need drugs as an adult is at least partially due to mistakes made by a parent. The kid isn't the only one to blame. Stick them in rehab. Do the hard work of babysitting them until they get better. So many people f*** up their teenagers and are then surprised that they turn into f***ed up adults.

  • http://profiles.google.com/scottykamehameha scotty kamehameha

    Rehab is locking them up. People need an intense, long-term rehab that makes them completely turn their lives around. 3 months rehab. No early leaving, no jobs, nothing. Then 9 months sober living group home. Learn a new trade all the while. Only solution.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joe-Manning/100000995960205 Joe Manning

    That's not true either. We need flexible rehab, organic rehab. We need to be flexible to their needs like they need to be to ours. I quit oxycontin, heroin, and was originally given METHADONE FOR PAIN (which led to oxy and heroin, ironically). After nearly losing my life to withdrawals I was able to quit by winging myself off myself and using cannabis as well as having emotional support, calf massages and back massages. There are many ways to treat addiction, no status quo exists. however, the method you listed above can be affective, it can also be an abysmal failure.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joe-Manning/100000995960205 Joe Manning

    "PEOPLE ARE FULLY & DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTION"

    That is such a load of crap and anyone who has seen and tasted desperate should know this. People are NOT fully and directly responsible for their actions. That's why indocterination, brain washing, mob hysteria, lynchings, beatings, gangs, poverty and a monetary paradigm so grim that it only allows those born into certain classes to have any chance of success that is even considered remotely fair. How dare you sit here and say that, no matter what your situation you do not speak for everyone nor have you shared the experiences of people around the world, neither have I. But I would NEVER presume to judge them when I know nothing of the life they lived. Children who have to dig through trash as early as 2 years old, no education, malnutrition, addicted to drugs as early as 8-9. Are they responsible for their actions? Are they responsible 8 years, 9 years later when something on a piece of paper called a law says they are now of age to be taken into a prison to work manual labor and get a first-rate criminal education?
    Is that a choice? I remember a quote and it's something you should take to heart, because it certainly applies to you
    Men who believe in absolute freedom of choice are the worst kind of slaves

  • Mariam Arian

    This is such a heart wrenching and raw story. To Ben and his family I feel love and compassion and gratitude. Ben didn't fail, he touched my heart and the depths of my soul, along with his loving and tormented family in a journey none of us are immune to, no matter what are genetic disposition or environmental "security". I will be sure to share Ben's story and his legacy. To his remaining family, I am awestruck by your courage, integrity and love for Ben, each other and humanity, in sharing your lives with us. With love and deep gratitude. Mariam

  • noton8

    I watched this today and had mixed feelings but agree with other posts on this site. I am not a drug addict but have known a drug addict who overdosed and died 2 years ago whilst her 5 year old boy was locked in the house with her dead in her bed for 2 days, she forcast this on multiple times but still did not accept the help when it was offered. I have a brother who is drug dependent and it reminded me in the doc about family get togethers "being on edge around them", honestly it is not worth it for the family, what really are they getting from it?? They are childish, selfish, unwilling to help themselves and only care about their addiction. The family although a hard and unique situation allowed their son to do what most people would never do, that is house, clothe, feed and support a human being to continue his path of destruction. Would I drive my son or my brother to his dealer to get a fix, NEVER...... If anything he was enabled to continue. I have seen the devastation of choices made by drug addicts and have no sympathy. I am not heartless, I have been to a heroin addicts funeral and most of the congregation was relieved that she was finally gone.

  • hristina vassileva

    this film made me cry. how sad. i think ben is an angel now. g

  • fluffy230

    What a wonderful family Ben had. I really admire their strength. My heart goes out to all the family. I can see the tear between Ben the addict & Ben the person. So so sad. I hope the family can get on with their lives in a more positive way despite all that happened. Thank you to you all.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Coleen-Neilson/1504690585 Coleen Neilson

    how sad to say that most of the congregation was relieved that she was finally gone thts terrible , nobody should ever be unsympathetic to people who take drugs cos you never know how life may treat you in the future and some people simply arnt strong to cope with the s...t life throws at them

  • noton8

    I respect your comment but it is a fact.The little boy that we now care for has multiple medical issues due to heroin whilst his mother was carrying him, he is the innocent victim, the mother nor her addict friends, nor the drug itself is answering for this little boy, we are!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Peace/100002281001550 Robert Peace

    You got that right bubba. So what I suggest is that we take your dum ass down in the basement and break your jaw so we can cure you of making stupid comments, or would that be fingers? Lets just break em bolth to make sure.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Peace/100002281001550 Robert Peace

    Cause hes an insensitive ass, hes the type to cry the loudest when he has a problem, you'd better believe that!

  • Guest

    very sad.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GQFR36B6SZQ6PH5GH7FRGGHW4E Beric

    I'm sure it is hard watching someone self destruct on drugs, but what is even harder is going through that yourself. Maybe it seems to you like drug addicts don't care about the pain they cause to others but that is not true. As a recovering heroin addict, I can tell you that the guilt, shame, and depression that addicts deal with eats them up from the inside. This psychological pain often drives the addict to use even more drugs, since that is the only way they know to feel better. Most addicts have underlying psychological problems which lead them to self medicate with drugs. For example, I was a victim of ongoing childhood sexual abuse. Maybe if my PARENTS had got me some help as a child, I wouldn't have wasted my entire adolescence "laying around, doing drugs, ruining my life." Maybe...

    Have some compassion for your son! Do you think kicking him out of the house and cutting him off will help? I know that when I was homeless my addiction got worse. Living on the streets is unbearable, and drugs or alcohol are one of the few guaranteed ways to relieve that suffering, for a little while at least.

    I feel for you, maryelle, but I feel for your son even more. I guarantee that as hard as it has been for you to raise an addicted son, your son's life will be much harder.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Peace/100002281001550 Robert Peace

    You my dude are ignorant to the process of addiction. Don't speak on things that you are ignorant about, it makes you look dumb as well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Peace/100002281001550 Robert Peace

    Nicotine is responsiable for more deaths than all drugs combined. Alcohol, man you know the kind of havoc that substance reeks on society. Pot well I cant say alot about pot except it seems to make chronic users dumb, Dumb as SH#*. Gate way drugs! The reason that these are the first to be used is because of their accesablity.

  • Bensmother1

    Mariam, I am Ben's mother and I just wanted to thank you for your very loving message above. For other's who are more judgmental, we tried everything we could to help Ben to get off drugs- the film only covers a fraction of the 17 years he was addicted. He was our son and we loved him.
    Anne

  • sagar parab

    lucky to have such loving parents despite of his addiction they supported and cared for him god bless them

  • http://www.facebook.com/bkroiss Brittney Kroiss

    heavy and powerful. thank you ben for a look into your struggle with addiction, it is a much needed eye-opener. and thank you to ben's family for making this public, it will help a lot of people understand a little bit more and maybe help them deal with a similar situation. my thoughts are with you all.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Owens/742329807 Aaron Owens

    I think exposing kids to such a doc is a fantastic idea! As an adult who has led a drug-free life, I was incredibly shocked to learn how fast the drug takes effect after the initial injection. Showing kids how it will effect their ability to function in that way might just scare them enough to not even try it the first time. I was also saddened to see how quickly Ben aged. My heart goes out to Ben's family as this was truly a difficult journey for them. Bless your souls for being so strong along the way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Neville-Jones/1505414253 Neville Jones

    Addition is not a crime but and illness. People like Ben need help, and not left in a heap. A good family would have made it better, I seems hard to think, but there would be many like Ben without the support that Ben's family provided. Harts out to the family and good luck to all addicts that wish to give up!

  • peaches72

    My heart goes out to you...it was like watching bits of my life and it was heartbreaking. Im so sorry for your losses. I was an addict with my husband for 12 years. We lost everything including our boy until I decided either end it with one last overdose that will put me and my family out of misery for good, or deal with the pain and find a way to make it back to good. I made it but my husband chose to keep living the life and even though I loved him with all my soul, I had to walk away. Now my boy and I have a beautiful life together and hes forgiven me. I wish your heart peace...

  • Blazet

    Thank You!!! i am going down the wrong path and need to watch films like this every time i want to score. it has def. helped!

  • elitehawk

    get it sorted before it sorts you i have lost 2 of my friends as a result of this crap although i don't know you don't become yet another 1 in the long line of customers that this takes with it my friend.

  • GoughLewis

    You have to choose. I know too much about all this to admit it publicly. I also, like elitehawk, have lost friends to this bad news situation.

    One of my best Ex Friends had himself chemically lobotomized because he could not face up to NOT being on heroin. Now he has no worries I guess. Doesn't feel anything I guess... happy, sad, and everything in between. Chemically had all that part destroyed in his brain. What a disaster. Just bad news situation, heroin is. Good luck, VERY few escape it's clutches. Only the strong willed survive in the end. Geographical cure recommended Blazet, move literally to a new location and say good by to your little friend.

  • elitehawk

    WE FORGIVE YOU BEN.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_K7FXKWOE6J55IVWOPVG4UAQV4A sam

    as sad as it is, as bad as I feel for the guy and his family... and yes, as powerful as the drug might be... no one else forced it on him. Like a lot of addicts and people with other problems, everyone wants to blame someone or something else. His hands reached for that drug, his legs carried him down to road to look for it, he injected himself - no one else made his hands move. If it were impossible to choose then no one would be able to overcome it. He went through expensive detox twice so the physical affect cannot be blamed. In the end, blame doesn't help - crying about it doesn't help... taking responsibility for your own actions and choices are the only thing that can change it. He'd cry and feel bad but he still would do so as if he had no ability or responsibility. It was like he wanted absolution for actions... I dont mean to be harsh toward the guy, he lost his life, but he needed to accept that he was the one doing it and he was the one who had to stop it, he chose not to.

  • iyc0370

    I understand your point but not once did Ben blame anyone but himself for his addiction.

  • iyc0370

    I agree with you totallly..human compassion has gone down the bloody drain..its ashame.

  • iyc0370

    Addicition is a disease - yes ppl make a mistake of trying it but before you know it your trapped and theres no way out.

  • iyc0370

    You have hit the nail on its head..spot on - everything you said above is true.

  • iyc0370

    You do not have a clue what you are talking about.

  • iyc0370

    U r an ediot.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chloe-McCurran/787429413 Chloe McCurran

    That is absolutely disgusting, next time you do something that you wish you didnt do but just cant stop doing, and everyone has this to some extend, lets do the same for you!

    Your comment makes me sick, as angry as its gets having an addict in your life this is completely not the way

  • http://www.facebook.com/airbor Robby Baker

    I'm guessing you have never been addicted to any kind of drug?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lynnette-Katene/1749540182 Lynnette Katene

    You dont mean to be harsh????? well I always think that when people have no real experience of what they are talking about then it is best to shut the hell up. Both my partner and I were addicted to heroin and we both had the same desire to quit but I am alive and clean and he is not. This was not through a lack of willpower, desire or effort. This is just how this drug works and while some maybe able to quit it other can not......and this has nothing to do with choice because NO ONE would choose this life.

  • Alaadin Sobhy

    God bless your soul ya Khaled!

  • woodenhead

    Wow there are so many post on this i thought i might as well throw my hat in the ring. I first saw this on tele and then here. Absolutely compelling footage an unable to look away train wreck effect.
    I felt so sad for Ben and his family but every post here is correct in some of what they say. It is Ben,s choice to use on a daily basis. Even an addict still has a choice and some choose to stop others don't. He proved that himself when after his father died he put himself in Detox.
    Yes...... he is in the grip of a powerful MULTI or Poly addicted phase. He's using Cigarettes, Alcohol, Cocaine Heroin Xanax, smoking dope, and somehow through all that he still has enough sense to understand his powerlessness. He knew he was in a very serious position. He also still had feelings, "(Emotions), contrary to the opinion that addicts have none.
    You could see it in his face. And he believed and meant it every time he told his family he loved them so don't think he was unfeeling.

    Now...... as an addict myself (you note I don't refer to myself as former) Meaning one who is actually still taking a habit forming synthetic opiate on a daily basis (IE: Methadone) and has been where Ben was in may ways I have to come out a little in defence of the drug itself. ( I can hear the chains rattling now )
    I only use opiates and as a consequence have lived a quite normal life for the past twenty years. Bens tale is a cautionary one for the argument from staying away from cocaine and meth amphetamine and poly using. Every one I knew that died or OD'd was a user of multipart drugs and the ones that usually tipped them over were prescription. Others i know like myself (and there are quite a few) who use only opioids are working and productive,pay taxes and vote. They just happen to have to take a medication everyday, much like a diabetic, to have a normal physical reaction in their body. Yes... we have changed the make up (chemistry) of our brains function by introducing this substance and having now done so, need to continue with the bio chemical process to feel normal... PHYSICALLY. (Check out the Heroin programme for addicts in Holland) By giving the addicts the drug they reduce all the things that the general population have been taught to hate about 'Junkies'. (Taught by the Government and Media)
    I get to take the drug home with me to dispense as i see fit and it gives me back the power. And i don't have to fear the cops kicking my door in. Occasionally if i come across some nice Persian Brown i buy some and use it . I don't drink or smoke cigarettes. And i do not take prescribed killers like xanax or benzo zombie drugs. I do not smoke cannabis either. Having taken cocaine intravenously early in my using "Career" , believe me I know know what real paranoia is. After a very short time, maybe a few grams i was experiencing psychosis. A lesson learned after the most insane couple of weeks of my life. No wonder America is so insane a place with people taking crack and coke all the time. Its a huge rush of pleasure then the come down of the century. It is impossible to stop taking if you have more and you will consume it if it is in front of you. Beware.

    I guess to wrap up i say, Humans have used substances since the dawn of civilization and before to experience the different effects and for medicinal purposes. It aint gonna stop now so the "WAR ON DRUGS" is a farce and is the headline for multi billion dollar corporate joke.
    If people gave a fuck they would spend that money on treatment.
    In such a world who would not want to get high?

  • sternsober

    RIP Ben and maximum respect to his family. Addiction is a disease so please have some sort of respect.

  • sternsober

    Gutted for Ben's family more than him but this is a disease and respect the dude filming anyway tbh. RIP

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kathleen-OConnor/632860183 Kathleen O'Connor

    Bless the Roger's family.

  • Jennysuzie

    I do pity him but no-one has to let his addiction run wild like this. An addict can get it together and live a normal life. But this guy just pushes it too far. There's no need to take methadone AND valium together. Just no need. That's not addiction, it's indulgence. If your veins are gone in the arms, stop injecting. Smoke it, snort it. I do think he has no shame. Falling asleep in his dinner, in his mum's house! He doesn't have to get THAT stoned. He couldn't give up: fair enough. But he could have curbed it.

  • Jennysuzie

    Also, I would like to say that when Ben is trying to go through withdrawal, it's clear he is lying. He says he's been three days without drugs, meaning cold turkey from heroin and methadone. At this point, he'd be writhing on the floor. But he is speaking in a slow slurred voice and beginning to cry. He's just starting to withdraw. I reckon he took a few bags into the bedroom intending to taper. No addict would voluntarily cold turkey. He thought he'd lock himself up and come down a bit at a time and then stop, but actually, he trashed it all in two days and now it's wearing off.

    Just look at the difference the following morning. The fascinating thing is how much younger he looks when he actually has no drugs in his body. Years drop off him. I can't help find it funny when his mother is saying that people are praying for him. He's clearly wishing she would say: Ben, you're going too fast, I think you should have some heroin and do it more slowly.

  • Wind0wpain

    WOW u don't know anything about addiction do you!!

  • a63

    The scariest thing about this is Ben was an ordinary child, with a normal upbringing. He clearly had a family that loved him. It doesn't look like he had any huge trauma in his life he was trying to escape by doing drugs. He was just intrigued with the thrill and excitement of doing something really risky. And then you experience the effects...the extreme high, the sickness of the low. I think at that point some people focus on the negative aspect of the experience and quit. Some people are enraptured with the high, downplay the sickness, and rationalize that it will be okay to do it occasionally. Who really believes they will become an addict? Addiction to anything is an insidious thing. It would be lovely if we could always think logically and clearly when making decisions about what we will do and not do. If we could always see the consequences of our actions and decisions. It's amazing how you can delude yourself and see what you want to see, or not see what you don't want to see. He convinced himself he could walk on quicksand and got sucked in. You better believe he knew exactly how horrible his situation was and wished with all his heart it had never started in the first place.

    I see that his parents did the best they could. They tried everything they could. They yelled at him, they talked to him, they reasoned with him, they backed off and watched him live and work on his own, they put him in rehab (twice), they helplessly watched while he roamed the streets of their town in a drugged haze, they sheltered him, they cared for him, they loved him unconditionally. What else can you do? God bless them.

    My heart breaks for him, and for his family. I wish them peace.

  • Guest

    ....

  • knowledgeizpower

    Wow this was so heart wrenching its sad that this person lost his life and did not overcome..I can imagine it to be hard for his family to watch the last years of his life like this..Maybe this will help other people in battling their addiction.. peace to this family.

  • alihdia

    I don't understand why he wasn't admitted to a rehabilitation center instead of being left to fritter away his life...

  • alihdia

    This is not how you fight this problem; sometimes heavy intervention can save a life. They should have put him in a cage, watch him writhe, wriggle, and plead for however weeks and months it would take for the physical demand to wear off, then, as a well-off family, introduce him to the better highs in life--nature, sports, accomplishing something, anything. He's really a wreck, interested in nothing but the next shot or smoke. It's better for everyone that he's gone. The only sad thing--because all else is pathetic--is that he didn't leave his family with ONE good memory.

  • James Sweeney

    James,

    Incredibly moving documentary. People talk about him fighting this addiction. Ben did fight it and the final camera shot shows a man resigned to one desperate final push to save his very existence.Tragically it cost the man his life.
    The ignorant people on here probably comparing themselves to him based on being social drinkers, pot smokers or recreational coke users is pathetic. When did it ever lead to you injecting it in your testicular area? Get a grip, this is real addiction, a substance that derails your perspective with only fleeting glimpses of reality. A fixated mindset only interested in money for the next fix.
    This clearly was not a malicious guy if anything he seemed a very warm person. The refreshingly honest use of his camera, illuminating his dark side reveals a fascinating insightful into the mind of a chronic drug user. I for one was captivated yet deeply saddened by this man's plight and the circumstances in which his family found themselves in. Thanks for the family releasing this coverage and may you finally rest in peace Ben, God bless.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ADPCNFVAYRN2TSSQPRJAPVDGWQ Darryl P

    wow sam!!! u have not a clue what your talking about. i would like for you too take a box of ex lax and choose not to shit your pants. i know ben because i am ben and i dont know how i got clean and stayed that way. Its been 16 yrs. Its one day at a time and lots of help from 12 steps. But when people say aw he made the choice i know they are talking out of there ass. i lived it buddy and i know what im talking about. i know junkies that are responsible and payed there bills and never went to jail. Addiction does not care who you are or how responsible you are. You use drugs to forget about the things you did when you used drugs. It kills the pain for awhile and then the cycle starts over again

  • mikesmother

    i can feel his family and his pain i am a mother of a 20 year old son and every thing bens mother did and say i do this is a nightmare we have done 4 rehabs i cant even get the rehabs to keep him in there for more then 5 days its got to the point where now he has a criminal record and i bailed him out cause i was week and thought with my heart and not my brain i knew it was wrong to bail him out maybe that would of been his chance for help it was like my heart was the angel and my brain was the demon there is no right or wrong answer but if it happens again it will make stronger for the next time

  • TheMadGirl

    Hello Mike's mother. I'm a 20 year old former addict. Been clean for 7 and a half months now and I hope to stay that way. You have to understand that addiction is a progressive disease. My mom had also tried everything, first she had tried being supportive, didn't get angry, then she tried being controlling, not speaking to me, kicking me out...nothing really worked for more than 3 days... My point is that he needs to realize it for himself, you can't force him to do anything. It took my mom a long time to get that. But YOU NEED to always be by his side, show him how much you care. I'm sure he knows that, but addicts need to be reminded how much they mean to some people because they feel worthless most of the time. And just do whatever you feel like(with your heart), cos there's absolutely no right or wrong thing to do in this situation. And the only advice that someone can give you is to never give up and think that there's no hope. I hope you understand what I want to say. I'm really sorry...
    I'll be praying.

  • mikesmother

    thankyou for your reply maybe there is hope my daughter boyfriend was a heroin addict well i guess always will my father was a addict till the day he died we was addicted to methadone me and my sisters had no idea but let me say he was a great father anyway when i kicked my son out of the house his addiction got worse i hope he lives threw this its just so sad to watch him be sick oh and i get that i have no control over people and you no whats sad me and my husband was in the store on a fri night and i said to my husband open your eyes look at these kids the generation they are all getting high they are shutting there emotions and they just want to feel good and not deal with there problems can you imagine if we where all zombies everything would all fall apart its night of the living dead thanks for listening to me and good luck keep up the good work and you should be proud of yourself xoxox

  • mikesmother

    i guess you never lived this nightmare you have no idea what you are talking about you seem to forget these are human people so dont talk cause one day you can get hurt and get addicted to pain meds and thats how it starts

  • Liam Reeves

    your friend, husband and sibling are all heroin addicts? thats quite a burden

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6Z7BQU7UDGXBXRHPPNJKSJRA7M Heather

    Addicts choose to be addicts. Recovered addicts CHOOSE to be recovered addicts. You "don't know how" you got clean? You CHOSE to get clean. Your life is what you choose for it to be. Choose drugs over a clean life, become an addict. Choose to live a fulfilling drug free life and be a productive citizen, then you've chosen to be a recovered addict. You don't have to use drugs to forget about the things you did on drugs, you use coping mechanisms, not an escape from the reality of your life that your own decisions have created.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6Z7BQU7UDGXBXRHPPNJKSJRA7M Heather

    @ woodenhead (hollowhead)
    As a health care professional and former user I find it absolutely appalling that it is lawful for people such as yourself to continue to be subscribed Methadone and other prescription addictive opiates on a long term basis. And most insurance programs pay for addicts to continue to be addicted? What a joke. These should only be prescribed on a short term basis and then the patient weaned off of them gradually, giving the body and brain chemistry the opportunity to again find homeostasis. Long term use of such prescription drugs should be against the law. An addict is an addict, which equates to a weak mind and character. Period. I haven't been taught by government or media to "hate junkies". I, in fact, don't hate anything at all. I do; however, consider junkies pathetic, weak willed individuals lacking self control or the power to overcome the situation they have put themselves in. How dare you compare a junkie to an individual that suffers from diabetes? Diabetics do not choose to become diabetic. An addict is an addict because they chose to experiment with, and were not strong enough to resist, drugs. Life is all about choices, or in the case of drug abusers: poor choices.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6Z7BQU7UDGXBXRHPPNJKSJRA7M Heather

    Lifestyle is a choice. Apparently you are strong enough and intelligent enough to make the choice of recovery and your partner is apparently not. I would suggest that you learn to make better choices in partners.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6Z7BQU7UDGXBXRHPPNJKSJRA7M Heather

    There is a way out, it's called recovery. It involves making the right choices, and being strong and committed to being drug free. You are obviously a weak minded addict yourself or you would not express such ridiculous statements. Life is all about one's choices. Addicts make poor choices, recovered addicts are individuals who wise up and rather than continue to make poor choice, begin to make wise choices. It's just that simple.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6Z7BQU7UDGXBXRHPPNJKSJRA7M Heather

    No matter the circumstances of an individual's past, as adults we all have to power of choice to improve our lives and make a better situation for ourselves. How can a person who seems articulate and intelligent such as yourself not believe in empowering decisions to improve one's quality of life?

  • LawofOne

    he does have one.... he goes to hogwarts ;)

  • LawofOne

    hows harry potter?

  • Morthund

    I was a junkie for years, been off it since '00.
    It isn't that simple,actually, and you saying it is makes you come accross as an unempathetic and judgemental person

    Seems to me that what your saying is that people "choose" to be "weak".
    Tell me, is it the weak ones who choose to be weak, or the strong ones who choose to be weak...but then they really were perhaps weak all along?

    Or is it in fact your arguement which is weak?

  • Morthund

    when I read some of these comments further down this page, it reminds me of some of the close-minded, petty, judgemental, self-congratulatory, pompous and prim people in my upbringing that made me feel hopeless and frustrated and how it made me want to sink into a chemical oblivion

  • StopSystematicGenocide

    Drugs aren’t bad. The miss use & understanding of them is the problem... To be honest no one cares until it happens to someone you love! The world we live in is designed that money holds more value then life it self. People do drugs to escape & numb the pain caused by the sickness we live in! Look around the world today, it's not pretty. We as the human race have failed miserably... I love drugs & I believe no one has the right to dictate how I treat my body, it is my body!

    Having said all that & being a recreational drug user, it only gives you a false sense of feeling good. A user knows that it's not going to make your pain/problems go away. What goes up must come down, so unless you've tried it you have no idea & no right to judge. In the pursuit of happiness love is the only drug that will make you feel content!

  • Blair L

    fool... closed mind, ignorant fool. shouldnt give your uninformed opions out...

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000160526656 Bryan Samaranayaka

    wow. that an ironic death. he died from not taking drugs . from withdrawal. I wonder if it was for the best, to put him out of his misery. I don´t blame him, but I do feel sorry for him and hope that never happens to me nor anybody i care about. I wouldn´t want anybody to go threw that pain. StopSystematicGenocide, not only I agree on your name but in part what your said. you can´t judge somebody without going threw that same stuff (it takes one to know one) but don´t tell me that he was happy, he didn´t look happy, and he said that he feels really bad. so I´m going to take a wiled guess and say that drugs are not the pursuit of happiness if that is what you meant. like the great German Philosopher once said. anything that numb pain won´t fix the problem. I think fixing the problem is better than numbing the pain that it causes, call me old fashion. now you may be the happiest guy in the world and take your drugs and I am not a doctor but i think you won´t be happy for long. (you will be dead). but i hope you have a wonderful short life with your great love, drugs. too bad they can´t love you back. and you are right about the world we live in. not our best work has humans. but if there is a lick in your bout would you start singing and dancing forgetting the problem or would you find some way to plug the hole of your bout and avoid drowning? well I hope you don´t dance too hard, it might just push the bout deeper into the water. but I hope you have a nice swim. if anybody likes to criticize me, please do. i like a good different point of view. =)

  • sameeg

    TheMadGirl is absolutely correct when she says "addiction is a progressive disease". People who begin using drugs never intend to become addicts - after all, who would choose that life? I have no doubt that there are those who can engage in 'recreational' drug use and not become addicts. However, this does not make them superior or stronger than those who do become addicted - its a matter of genetic make-up. In the same way that defective genes lead to cancer, heart disease and auto-immune disorders, a defect in certain genes can also lead to a higher probability of addiction. For those of you who are addicts or recovering addicts, how many of you grew up being educated about the higher probability of addiction in your genetic make-up? And if your parents did make every attempt to educate you, how many of you as teens or young adults thought you were somehow stronger or better than the family members who were addicts, therefore YOU could 'recreationally' use drugs and 'control' things?
    Beginning at a very young age, we could see our son's addictive personality emerging and we began having open, honest conversations with him about his propensity for addiction and how even 'recreational' use of drugs or alcohol could very quickly turn into an addiction. During our son's teen years he seemed to really understand this and never messed with drugs or alcohol, even when the opportunity presented itself. When he was nearly 22, he became 'curious' and decided to test things out despite everything he had been taught, his own self-awareness about his addictive personality and knowing he would destroy his career should he be caught. He decided he wanted to try opiates AND to try them intravenously. He honestly believed that, a) he would never be caught, b) he was in total control of it and c) he was somehow better and stronger and would never become addicted. He was caught, he was not in control of it and he did very quickly become addicted. In addition he has destroyed his career, is facing military punishment, is deeply in debt, will lose all his benefits (insurance, GI bill, etc) and has ruined his future ability to get a decent job that will provide adequate support. As a parent it is devastating to see the person you love more than life itself, make a decision like this and alter their future in such a drastic and negative way. Superimposed over the images I carry of my son as a baby, a toddler, a sweet and very bright little boy, a teenager trying my patience regularly :-), and a handsome, caring, very bright young man, is the image of this same person with a needle in his arm, filling his body with a substance that is soul and body destroying and reaching a point where he is giving blowjobs in a park someplace to get enough money for his fix. This brings me to tears each time it enters my thoughts. I will always, always love my son no matter what he does - nothing will ever change that. I will help him as much as he will allow and in anyway that does not enable his addiction. I know I'll never lose hope that he will be able to get clean and stay clean.
    To those of you who are recovering addicts (or a 'recovered' or 'former' addict as you might like to think of yourself), you are only ever but one step away from falling back into your old habits. Remember this when you are tempted to judge and belittle others. Every addict is unique, with their own unique set of issues AND every drug affects people differently and is unique in how it affects the human body. Each substance requires a different approach in rehabilitating those who are addicted to it. In addition, each addict requires an individual approach to rehabilitation. In the case of any addiction, a 'one size fits all' approach will NOT work. Belittling others because they struggle to beat an addiction does not make you look superior or stonger because you're clean. It actually says a lot about your internal struggle with your own addiction and the fact that you're trying to divert the attention from yourself.
    To TheMadGirl, I pray that you continue to be able to beat your addiciton and I commend you for your compassion to others and your ability to understand what your mom has gone through. You sound like a wonderful person worth knowing and wise beyond your years. You also sound like you have a lot of love, compassion and understanding that you could offer to others going through similar situations. You will be in my thoughts and prayers in the months and years to come.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_B7BIDRDBE3P3CA74XITOP2B2ZY Joshua

    im going to try stop smoking weed(canabis) because of this documentary, my brother just asked if i wanted to smoke a joint with him, i almost forgot about this doco straight away...thats how ****** up addiction is, soon as you see what ever it is your addicted to you immediatly forget about anything else...but im going to stop this ****. im only 21, i dont need this...just like i dont need ciggerettes or alcohol. Thankyou Ben for documenting your life as an addict, and thankyou to whoever uploaded this doco. Peace.

  • http://twitter.com/Maybellsring Jennifer Mayleigh Be

    His final words are what I had been thinking through the entire documentary. How could someone be so addicted to something that makes them so miserable. There seemed to be nothing at all euphoric about his entire experience. Almost comatose and barely living, awful way to go.

  • Gábor Szabó

    thats crazy. why didnt his family help him? why did they let it? they were watching how he die. thats awful and crazy

  • gabbledegook

    Really its the evil people selling it just for personal gain knowing it destroys lives and actually nurturing gullible new addicts, Very sad indeed

  • http://twitter.com/shashi792 Shashishekar

    hey, nice to hear tht.

  • http://twitter.com/shashi792 Shashishekar

    I believe, his family tried their best beyond their limits.

  • http://twitter.com/shashi792 Shashishekar

    Thanks to ben's family for sharing this video..... the great effort by ben's family will be paid off even if 'one' out of million drug addicts stop doing drugs after seeing this.

  • http://www.facebook.com/megathyrcoates Meaghan Ryan Coates

    Judgemental people are self hating members of society that punish people who have qualities they see in themselves and dont like. Maybe you can relate to this.

  • siamadalat

    i bcame a heroin addict 3 years ago,i take heroin large amount 5 times or more aday,i was thinking to go for treatment b coz my family insists.but after watching bens documentary i came 2 know that there is no treatment for heroin addict.the drug rehab centre docs must say tht sign the form tht if u die during treatment we r not responsible.if any one had some good news plz tell me.feeling so sad.and i prefer to kill drug sellers whom i know and buy from and then put my 9mm on my head and press the trigger.

  • John Gallagher

    Such a sad story and so upsetting that a person should throw their life away because of addiction.

    I see lots of parallels here with my own life. My addictions are nowhere near as serious as Ben's, but my inability to escape them ruins my life nonetheless. I've lost count of the times I've said to myself so many times "why do I keep doing the very thing that I *know* makes me unhappy and is destructive?"

    I watch this at a time where I know I need to make a change, but like Ben I keep saying "Tomorrow - tomorrow I'll change it all and it's going to be a new start" etc.

    I don't have any answers, just the thought that much lesser addictions than Heroine can still damage one's life.

    It's ultimately the person's responsibility to change. No matter how much support they get or of what kind, no matter what people say to them, it doesn't matter if they don't put the hard work in. And sometimes it still doesn't make any difference even if they do.

  • siamadalat

    dear john i live in a 3rd world country,and i dont know where is narconon and how much they charge i belong 2 a middle class family according 2 my country and i cant afford treatment abroad.and rehab centres in my country r bull s*** in my country goin 2 a rehab = lock himself in a room...............so sadwhat will happen next is ?

  • ahmed saciid mohamed

    most addicts don't want to be addicts. what he said in the end is genuine and honest RIP.

  • globalunitea

    I swallowed and injected strong painkillers for years. Unsuccessfully went to rehab once and tried to stop countless times. I'm clean 4.5 years. You have to decide you want to live without drugs and accept how hard you will have to work to support your choice. Getting off drugs is a frightening and emotionally exhausting exercise in tolerance, patience, will power, love, courage, forgiveness, psychosis.. on top of the immediate physical withdrawal. The first year was the most challenging. I think I bargained with myself every day, "if I get through this day.. this week.. another 30 days, maybe I can get high once, as a reward". When 12 months finally, agonizingly arrived, I was so astonished that I'd done it, and so proud of myself that I never needed to bargain after that. Just kept picking up the pieces of my shattered life. I'm still picking them up. Of course life would be about a billion times easier IF I knew the value of making healthy choices when I was younger. But IF my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle. Life isn't perfect, but it's so much better. I don't miss chasing drugs. I can't believe how "normal" I am today. In fact, I can't believe I'm alive. If I can do it, you certainly can! Be accountable for yourself and make solid, healthy choices. Sounds so easy... :)

  • globalunitea

    The first time I watched this doc was during one of the occasions I was detoxing from methadone (during what would be one of many failed sobriety attempts). I finally kicked my addiction in July 2007. I don't mean to be redundant, but I'm going copy/paste a reply I wrote (below). It's the best advice I know to offer. Carpe diem!

    I swallowed and injected strong painkillers for years. Unsuccessfully went to rehab once and tried to stop countless times. I'm clean 4.5 years. You have to decide you want to live without drugs and accept how hard you will have to work to support your choice. Getting off drugs is a frightening and emotionally exhausting exercise in tolerance, patience, will power, love, courage, forgiveness, psychosis.. on top of the immediate physical withdrawal. The first year was the most challenging. I think I bargained with myself every day, "if I get through this day.. this week.. another 30 days, maybe I can get high once, as a reward". When 12 months finally, agonizingly arrived, I was so astonished that I'd done it, and so proud of myself that I never needed to bargain after that. Just kept picking up the pieces of my shattered life. I'm still picking them up. Of course life would be about a billion times easier IF I knew the value of making healthy choices when I was younger. But IF my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle. Life isn't perfect, but it's so much better. I don't miss chasing drugs. I can't believe how "normal" I am today. In fact, I can't believe I'm alive. If I can do it, you certainly can! Be accountable for yourself and make solid, healthy choices. Sounds so easy... :)

  • roop_lor

    Reading your name I'm guessing you are thai? I'm from Australia. Been living in Thailand for over 6 years. As a result of choosing to live in Bangkok, I've been able to start a new life H free. I still have days when i want to find it here but the risk of being caught and locked up forever, out ways the benefits of using. If i were still living in Melbourne, Australia, where it's so easy to find, I'd still be using. Sometimes, out of sight, out of mind works. ????????????????

  • roop_lor

    I guess from reading your name you are thai? I'm from Australia. I've been living in Bangkok for over 6 years. Since living here, I was able to cut my using down to zero. This is not my environment(here in thailand). So it's not easy for me to find it if I want it. i have days when i want to find it, but risk of being caught and locked up in a thai prison out ways the benefits(pleasure) of using. So i just don't do it. I know if I was still living in Melbourne, Australia, H would still be in my life-it's so easy for me to get it there.. Out of sight, out of mind. It worked for me. Good luck!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Krisfalusci/100000457306764 John Krisfalusci

    i was hooked on klonopin for 8 miserable years. i quit stone cold in may of 2011, i am now 185 days(6+ months) drug free. people who have never done drugs dont realize how beautiful and amazing life is afterwards DRUG FREE. i am so happy and even more proud that i was able to kick these terrible habits away permanently. dont get me wrong, i suffered so much trying to quit, i just hope and pray these people have the strength to quit as well. i dont even drink alcohol and i dont have any desire for pills, alcohol, or even marijuana any longer! ^_^

  • Andrew Johns

    Your adamantly ignorant aren't you. It's sad really. You go on judging people calling them weak willed, you diminish their character, and call them pathetic. Your lack of understanding is pathetic. And addiction is a disease, if you didn't notice, it was quitting that killed him! It really does take one to know one, and unless you were a heroine junkie, or extremely addicted to opiates than you have no clue. The body chemistry changes with cases of severe addiction and PHYSICAL DEPENDENCE sets in, at this point it is no longer a question of will. From a biological standpoint the body NEEDS the drugs to function properly, the urge to attain them is a primal one, and it takes much more than will power to resist it. The physical pain a user feels without the drugs can be excruciating, nearly unimaginable. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. And yes, most addicts will admit that they got themselves into their situation, so you needn't try to pound that point home anymore, it is how to get themselves out of it that plagues them.

    From my own experiences will power gets you nowhere except frustrated, depressed, disappointed in yourself...ect. It exacerbates ones sense of self loathing. This is not good for an addict. It took much help and support from family, friends, doctors, and other INTELLIGENT health care professionals (obviously unlike yourself), to help get me clean. I had to want it, but there was no way I could will it.

    Someday someone you care about may ask for your help and you will turn your back and tell them to will themselves out the grips of physical addiction. This breaks my heart, and will break yours too when down the road they die from addiction.

  • Sam Greenaum

    Whether or not you knew it, Narconon is a front for the "Church" of Scientology. If you thought you had an expensive, mind-bending problem as a drug addict, you've barely started. Narcotics Anonymous is volunteer-based and free. And there are clinics in most countries that a local doctor will have information on.

    But just say no to Scientologists! A drug habit's no commitment compared to a billion-year contract. And at least you're not riddled with the soul-clusters of millions of dead aliens.

  • Sam Greenaum

    I should also add, Narconon's methods are not recognised as valid by other researchers and professionals in the field. Which they wouldn't be, really, Scientology being cuckoo and all.

  • Deian Mishev

    I've been on drugs and though it's been for a very short while I can absolutely reassure everybody watching this THAT:

    "This 43 minutes are about a self sufficient vegetable shooting up and some people talking about him like they know him"

    No offense to Ben or his family. Just tough love.

  • wanderwarrior92

    there are olney a few things that can bring me to tears. i was absolutly speechless after the first time watching this film. he had zero understang of what that substance is really for. and zero self-respect for himself. he completely let the heroin own him without the him owning the heroin.
    dont get me wrong, i felt terrable after watching a perfectly innocent person get distroyed by his own self. but he let it get into his head. as he admitted in the end he did it all to himself. truly a tear-jerker, from one user to another. brother i understand your pain.
    it is truly a horrable loss to his family, and for them i mean nothing but the outmost sympothy and respect.
    we must learn proper useages, respect for our own bodies and know our scources.
    to all people who loved, knew, and associated with ben rodgers: we can olney hope for a future where there is a better understanding for this disease, that way we can find the true cure.
    -r.k.

  • Michael Sayar

    @siamdalat: look for narcotics anonymous. (na.org for more info)
    I am from a 3rd world country too but we have meetings there. we are just 10 people but thats more than enough. There is no entrance fees or dues. It is completely free
    Look for NA in your own country. If u cant find it start one and join an online group.

    One time is too many, and a thousand are never enough...

  • prajna420

    im a heroin addict just six months clean. by the grace of god my parents live in a rural area and i met someone in the military. i have hep c from the needle and i have absolutley no veins left at all. I just turned 30 and got married a month ago due to my sobriety, after losing 10 people to overdose or overdose related deaths. I am on 70 mgs a day methadone and i dont feel a high but its so much better to the life i knew before., please write back.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2VEAU5F63M4L4TJQBNT3SNMNA LaLa

    Well I can say from being on drugs for a very long while, this is what it comes down to. This is real, and these people are all thats left of what he was before he started using. they are the only ones who ever did know him.

  • PeSO821

    I think there is something extremely SELFISH about drug users.
    Never tried hard drugs myself and have no intention to do it.
    I did read a lot about what people who tried it have to say: “multiply sex 100x and you are not even close!”… So when they are giving up their life, their career, their wife or their children … to Heroin – it seems like logical think to do.
    I think they want us to believe, they cannot control it (so we feel sorry for them), while the fact is: deep down they really DON’T WANT to control it. It is too much joy to give up.
    So if somebody decided to kill himself with pleasure – OK, fine. I might understand, but dragging other people down. – NO WAY!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002580220653 Chichi Orjioke

    If you have never experienced something you will never understand it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=673955464 Chris Bolton

    This is a powerful film. It is important to differntiate the person from the person overtaken by the drugs. The person "Ben" has absolutely nothing to do with the person who is addicted to the drugs. The drugs are all consuming and eventually won out, as they often can, and this is the real tragedy. Drug addiction is a mental health issue and not a criminal behaviour and society should view the addict with contempt, but should acknowledge that people in such a pitiful circumstance need help and compassion and not scorn or to be treated as criminals or rebrobates.

  • BeardHero420

    540 days clean today. Just so the important few of you know that it CAN be done. You CAN walk away, and you WILL thank yourself for it later when all of the shattered pieces of your life start falling back into place.

    Good luck.

  • siamadalat

    thnx michael for ur intention,but in my country there is no na organisation,and there r few free trust for addicts,but they dont care.its like 2 lock himself in a room and throw the key...thnx again...takecare..siamadalat from pakistan...

  • susieq6000

    I feel deep empathy for Ben's family, left to all the horrible thoughts of what he (and they) went through, due to his drug addiction. It seems like a life wasted, but I'm sure there was some redeemable value to his life, that only his family and friends know! He does seem in the documentary that he was a loving person to his family and had saved the hatred and self loathing for himself. I have a close friend hooked on drugs for years and I have tried to help him as much as he allows. I've tried to get him into rehab etc. but now have come to the understanding that only prayers will help. To all those still addicted to drugs that view this documentary, always remember "all things are possible with God". It's never too late to start praying for help! God Bless!

  • siamadalat

    yes @susieq6000 i m completely agree with u.we cant do for any one until god allows and bless him.....

  • http://www.topdocumentaryfilms.com Epicurus

    god is not real. telling people to pray is setting them up for failure..

    people if you want to get over drugs it takes willpower and confidence. thinking you cant do it without god blessing your life leads to relapse. i have seen it over and over.

  • susieq6000

    Dear Epicurus, I'm sorry that you think God is not "real", but if you ask millions of addicts they will probably tell you they quit "by the grace of God". I'm not saying that believing in God is the "ONLY" way to quit, I'm just saying, for many people that have tried everything and still not able to quit on their own, they may also call on God and if they have FAITH, he will help them to quit. Telling them to pray is "not" setting them up for failure, if they believe in God! And I do ask God to Bless these people and I will continue to pray for their release from their addictions.

  • BetsMcGee

    Ahh the born again Junkie i' have known a few in my time and let me tell you the revelations of someone who is in a state of full blown drug addiction count for almost nothing.

  • PeSO821

    Interestingly enough, religion does help many junkies to quit.
    It seems like addiction is such intensely powerful experience, only the promise of the infinite God, of heaven and hell, of sin and redemption... can compete with it. It shows how powerful religions are!
    If person has already lost its intellectual independence to heroin, maybe loosing it to religion is a lesser evil?
    It substitutes one addiction for another.

  • His Forever

    Teen Challenge works wonders for addicts! Their long-term success rate is much higher than non-religious state-run rehabs.

  • His Forever

    I've seen testimonies over and over again where God did help, but with everything, you do have to have some willpower of your own to keep going.

  • http://www.topdocumentaryfilms.com Epicurus

    and i have seen person after person believe in god and die of overdosing.

    i have seen person after person get over addiction without belief in a god. and i have seen over and over again of people attributing other gods to their overcoming of an addiction.

    sorry your testimonies are not evidence that god helped people, just evidence that people believe in a god.

  • http://www.topdocumentaryfilms.com Epicurus

    i quit cocaine, crack, meth, and MDMA all without god. i know hundreds who have quit while believing in other gods.

    god doesnt help people quit. peoples belief in god might help them get the strength needed to quit but it was still those people. god did NOTHING.

    you keep praying. it makes you feel good while you do nothing.

  • susieq6000

    Epicurus, I respect your opinion, but we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm sure neither of us will change the other's thoughts about God and his works, but I wish you the Best!

  • His Forever

    Epic: You must live in a crapy neighborhood if you know that many Christian (religious) overdose victims. Yet, even still, I'd put my money on many of them making heaven (like Ben who was very sincere in his repentance) long before quite a few of the pastors I've met. We'll just have to wait and see who's there and who isn't.

  • His Forever

    Thank God you quit meth! That's hard to kick even with God's help. Seriously, you need a round of applause for that!

  • http://www.topdocumentaryfilms.com Epicurus

    Actually Charles, I was born and raised in Regent Park Toronto. very very crappy neighborhood. one of the first government housing in all of north america.

    and thank you for the round of applause in your other comment. you are absolutely right, that was one of the worst things to kick.

    My best friends parents have both overcome heroin and meth addictions but cant seem to stop smoking cigarettes.....strange eh?

  • His Forever

    I'm glad I never even tried anything like that. I was even voted "straitest arrow" in high school (much to my mother's pride). But, I grew up in a small town of 7,000 in Oregon. Still plenty of trouble to get into there, however! Peace to you! Charles B.

  • Guest

    Merry Christmas C x

  • bmx4life76

    This is absolutely awful, nobody should ever have to go through this. Ever. Ive never seen a documentary this brutal before.
    I wish the best for Ben's family and friends.

  • His Forever

    Merry Christmas! We had a good Christmas so far. We opended presents near dawn before church. Then we visited my wife's family for dinner. It was fun except for our careless relative that smokes badly burning my daughter right on her chest. I was soooo angry. I hope it doesn't scar her breast. She could have put my kid's eye out! I really hate smokers (seriously, with a passion). Anyway, hope to get my Christmas present tonight. ;-)

  • Guest

    Glad your having a good one C :) Sorry about your mini girl,poor little dot :( She should heal ok, my oldest burnt both hands on an oven door when she was two, not a mark on her a month later. Sweets and kisses will help with the tears. Enjoy your late gift ;)

  • siamadalat

    i wish all the best for bens family.may god give ben a nice place in heaven...

  • jbriggs_87

    can i have your stash then?

  • friends43212002

    I have a friend that is going through this right now. I try to help and there is nothing I can do about it. I see he is killing himself and I know he is going to die. im powerless. all i can do is pray for him. I will show his this doc, hopefully it will help him to be normal again :(

  • thomas_5900

    all of these people who believe in god are annoying. anyways, without god's help, i stopped smoking weed in grade 10 and from then on never touched a drug since. i have a fear of needles and i dont even want to watch a video where some dude injects him self several times a day. from the comments the movie sounds brutal and i feel for his family, if he even had one.

  • T Climbing

    I quit heroin six years ago after going to rehab for a month and have not touched it since. I didn't really sleep for almost three weeks while detoxing. I did the meetings and all that... I didn't get into the AA propaganda, it just was not for me. Most of the people were great though. I found that you have to really want to quit and come to terms with what the root cause of your addiction is - you - Being an addict was f*cking horrible. I used to pound my legs with my fists because they hurt so bad when I was dopesick. I am happy, productive, and feel good most of the time these days. It can be done. Keep your head up. Do it for you. Now to quit smoking...

  • susieq6000

    T Climing, I'm really happy for you! Hopefully the hard stuff is all behind you now and you're set for a much better and more meaningful life! Wishing you good will and a strong desire to keep straight. You seem to be putting in the work that it takes to quit "for good"!

  • mrmojorisin11

    This is quite possibly that the most harrowing thing I have ever seen. I feel so sorry for Ben and his family. As an addict I know what its like to be using against your own will. If people could stop by willpower alone there would be very few drug addicts in this world. I, like ben, came from a loving home, a middle class background, was brought up well. I did well in school, became a qualified electrician yet felt like a failure. I've never felt comfortable being me and where that came from I don't know. I ended up homeless, sleeping rough, injecting smack, smoking crack, and taking any other drugs I could get my hands on. I lost everything. I tried to quit many times, getting a few days clean and going back on drugs. I went into rehab 2yrs ago, for 14 weeks, and I relapsed within 2weeks of getting out. Homeless again. Using against my will again. Not wanting to die but not wanting to live anymore. Nobody can understand the mental torture one goes through unless they have been there themselves. I tried rehab again, lasted a week, came out relapsed. homeless for another 3months. rehab again, this time twenty weeks, came out, relapsed after two weeks again. I was lost all hope. I didn't want to be using drugs, but I didn't know how to live without them. I asked for help, willing to do anything. stayed clean for two months relapsed again. got clean for three months relapsed again. Crashed my car, nearly died. haven't used since, but that was only 2months ago, but everything feels different this time but I still battle with it. My point is, I've wanted nothing more than to be clean for years now, yet here I am still battling with it today. Addiction is something I will never understand. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
    RIP Ben

  • Guest

    do you know cadence

  • john kay

    THINGS TO HELP QUIT DRUGS OR OTHER ISSUES

    some things to help quit and probably more importantly to not go back (drugs or other problems)
    just things off the top of my head - no order - not edited
    hope this helps someone anyone even me

    1. ^people, places, things - anything that triggers it; avoid them
    2. try starting small then go big - babay steps 1st: cut down before quitting
    3. use anything that helps, change accordingly, discard what doesnt
    4. try helping someone else
    5. positive thinking - think before you speak...think before you toke
    6 write it down - tattoo it on your forehead so you dont forget
    7. dont wait to hit rock bottom - cause its too late and really jhust an excuse to keeep going although its never too late
    8 have someone slap you hard - wake up; grow up; smarten up
    9, find otherthings to do. jog walk sports, other drugs whatever
    10 avaoidance - out of sight out oif mind
    11 if your broke your probably ok but when you get money all of a suddent your niot ok, seen this so many times...when you get money try buying gifts instead of running to dealer
    12 get rid of and avoid all drug related dealers, friends, parapeniallia, movies, music clothes,,whatever if you have numbers memorized then try to scramble them inb yoiur mind to help forget
    13 find something else you enjoy or as substitute and do that instead
    14 go to church - seriously just bite your lip waalk into the closest one and embrace the change even if your not religious or belive -
    15 take a a vacation - 1 day to 1 year
    16 drop everything, everyone and move and keep moving if needed,
    17 just say no and add go f**k yourself also
    18 write a list oif pros and cons
    19 admit you have a problem - way it outloud, tell others and ask for help (to move, get awaym not call, admittal, not empower you with money...whatever
    20 try cold turkey or cut backs - record or schedule progress
    21. avoid bad embrace good - whether its people, places, things whatever ....as an example
    GOOD middle class home, no drugs, no gunbs, clean, normal (eat sleep work school) caring, family, friends, loving people
    BAD projects, drugs, guns, projects, filth, criminals, dont give a shit about you
    22, get mad and HATE DRUGS AND THE ASSOCIATIONS TO IT,
    23. if you dont stop thats not failure, keep tryiong to quit until you do. Failure is not trying
    24. if drugs comes to your mind ( to score or do...) wait 5 mins, your mind will think of something else besides that
    25 look at addicts, watch them and thinkésay to yourself why would anyone do that its so stupid (because of whatever you dont like)
    26 if your going to get high with a group of people, when its your turn - pass the 1st hit (baby steps) even if your addicted you should get the second turn - if everyone else hasnt smoked it yet! greedy bastardsone
    if you passed, then do number 25. above!
    27. whatever your drug is(ill use a joint as an examle): get it, roll it, put it in your mouth but never light it - use it to tease yourself and test your self control. I KNOW EASIER SAID THAN DONE
    28. if 27 doesnt work or makes youi breqak down and cry with typicall self pity bs then get mad and kill the chit - throw it squash it flush it
    29. for everything you accomplish treat yourself or someone youve abused to a treat - movie gift meal ...
    30. if your really addicted or on hard drugs, set small achievable goals to not do it. ie, with cigs i smoke 1st thing in morning, aftyer i eat, after sex, during work breaks or lunch, on way to work or home....so start off by skipping morning cig (or at least delay it) then next day or week skip morning cig and on way to work cig...
    31 figure out what causes triggers and avoid these things: seeing drugs, drinking, boredom, habital...
    32 go to school, take a free course, get a job - learn tio do somethuing new, interesting and long term thats hard or fun
    33. try to convince someone to quit with you.
    34. if offered say Honestly and convincingly NO THANKS I DONT DO DRUGS, OR I QUIT DONT OFFER ME NONE PLEASE
    35, SLAP YOUR SELF OR GET SOMEONE TO SLAP YOU EVERYTIME YOU THINK OF DOPE - HARD CUZ YOU DESERVE IT
    36 Dont let a hard time, frustration or similar trigger make you say :f**k it i want to get high now` ie. you wife pisses you off so you run to the bar and use that as what a 12 year old would do

    I DONT CARE WHETHER ITS A CIG OR HEROIN
    ONCE YOU CAN ````NOT WANT```` TO` DO DRUGS WHEN ITS IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU HAVE MONEY (EVEN ONCE) THEN PAT YOUR SELF ON THE SHOULDER AND SMILE CAUSE YOUR WELL ON YOUR WAY

    IF YOU CAN DO THIS ALL THE TIME ID SAY, YOU QUIT FOR GOOD
    GO HELP OTHERS

  • susieq6000

    mrmojorisin,
    You really should go into some sort of mental health therapy (while you are trying to quit) to help you determine "why" you feel that you're not
    "comfortable" being yourself. I'm not a therapist, but took quite a lot of Psychology in college. Drugs "may" be your answer to numb yourself as to why you're not comfortable with yourself. You'll possibly find the answers after you've quit drugs and will be thinking with a clear mind. You seem like a good person that is legitimately trying very hard to quit. I wish you the very best
    in your quest to find your happiness or contentment.

  • susieq6000

    mrmojorisin,
    You really should go into some sort of mental health thearpy (while you are trying to quit) to help you determine "why" you feel that you're not confortable being yourself. I'm not a therapist, but toook quite a lot of Psychology in college. Drugs "may" be your answer to numb yourself as to why you're not comfortable with yourself. You'll possibly find the answers after you've quit drugs and will be thinking with a clear mind!

  • susieq6000

    Also to John,
    I think 99% of what you listed is "right on". I wish you the best too!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GEF6HYR3BIFH63SCXCJ67C4GXE Tom

    Agreed, what I alluded to earlier was that I found that I had to become comfortable with myself to exist without numbing myself. Its a process and its not easy. mrmojorisin stay strong.

  • Deian Mishev

    Still, wouldn't you agree that it takes a bit of that old "**** you all" egocentric attitude to hit anything that detached from all that's around ya? He's his own man but it's a selfish road you take with heroin.

  • vienna25

    i drove my husband back to heroin due to bitching at him all the time and misscarrigeing last week i feel so guilty i dont no what to do or say i just feel like he is lieing to me can any one give me some advice need to do something as its my 1 year old daughter that is suffering cause of the arguments please need advice

  • susieq6000

    Vienna, I'm not a drug user, but I know you did not "drive" him to do drugs, it's his own personal choice "and" the fact he's addicted! With you just having had a misscarraige (I'm sorry for your pain) he's the one that should be comforting you! You need some sort of professional advice on how to possibly get him some help. Best wishes to you both!

  • aM00

    Is as creepy as is real!..
    Peace for ben's parents. In my opinion they are the heros in the history.

    Quit for most of the people is not a matter of want..
    All the adicts, after the "honeymoon heroin's period" truthfully want to quit.
    Because it gets a point where you can't live with or without heroin. you just feel agony when you don't have it and agony when you have it.
    You crying out loud when you shot and you crying out loud when you have nothing to shot.
    It's a paradox, a hard one.
    It's the most painfull strugle that I've been passing throuth and it's the most chronical despair state of mind...

    I just wish the best for those ones who suffer without being able to stop.
    Try again tomorow.

  • D Jones

    Dear Vienna, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
    Do you have any meetings of Nar-Anon or Al-Anon in the place where you live? These are anonymous 12-step program meetings for the families and loved ones of drug or alcohol addicted people.

    The Steps, the support of other people in the same situation, and getting to talk in confidence about what you're going through will all be of priceless benefit to you and to your little girl. God bless you and help you, always.

  • faith1122

    from experience and being with an addict for 7 years,,, me personally i never even touched a cigarette and i knew when he would be using.. even though he said he was clean and when he got busted using he would say it was my fault i pushed him back to it.. let me tell me you something doll if he using again or you think he is back at it then he probably never did stop to begin with and it is never your fault there is nothing you can do to push someone it is them self that fall back and then they manipulate them self and you into thinking that they were pushed into it again reality is then never got over it to begin with.. like i said 7 years with him and now going on to the 8th year and though im not with him i am still carrying around his addiction and finally after the 8 years of pain i now see the affect it has had on me i now see how traumatized i am from his usage.. He is now is jail and clean so he can now clearly see what it has done to me and for the first time in those 8 years he told me how much he appreciates me and he is now slowly starting to admit that yes he was an addict and he was never over it or ever clean.. i spent those 7 8 years blaming myself that i was never good enough to stop for and i could never control him well reality is i was good enough and i did help because though i didnt stop him i must admit i kept him alive and that is as good as i could do to fight against something as strong as heroin.. you need to understand that heroin is not just playing with ones mentality it officially takes over your body and that's what makes worse than any other drug on the streets even ice the only difference is that ice is growing at a faster rate than anything.. anyways it is not your fault and i cant tell you what to do because im stil figuring out how to cure him.. but everything you saw in the documentary above i witnessed every day of my life oh and to make it worse i was 16 when all this came in to my life and to give others hope i never touched it never touched weed even instead i became his nurser and continued my education i even have a double degree double major that i managed to get through out all the pain and suffering so you will too get passed this and you need to strengthen yourself up for him because heroin makes you the weakest person on the earth it will bring down the strongest man and his army too.. Have faith huni and look after your self and child so you can look after him

  • JulieGolightly

    Keep up the sprit, Brother! It sounds like you are well on your way, wanting to be clean. Going in and out of rehab is a good sign, means that you keep fighting were many would fail. Clean 2 months, just keep up the good work, keep your focus. There is a divinity in the beauty of nature and life that you will come to see more and more off as soon as you have a clear mind. And you know its there because you seek it. To believe in a force greater than yourself is essential for anyone to feel pleased in life, not just drugaddicts. In many ways a drug addict whos clean often learn to appreciate the beauty of life even more. You dont have to believe in God, I dont- just the fact that we are all put here for a purpose. With natures intelligence and zynk there is no chance that you were put here on earth to feel uncomfortable with yourself, maybe you need to seek your own way somewhere else? A great place to find comfort and inspiration is nature: go out there, meet GOD in every little living thing around you, breathe in the rythm of the trees and the sky and just feel how you are ONE with it all... Then ask yourself what you want from this life. What do you want to accomplish? What do you want to see? Most people cut it down to the basic things like food, rest, laughter, and the main thing of all times LOVE. And to find love is easy- you give love- you get love... I have hope in you cause I know you can do it- come clean and even one day laugh at all the shit you saw, feel grateful that you changed and say that you moved on!

    ONWARDS, UPWARDS my friend! Its a hard road to walk, but you set it that way and amazingly there are those with far worse problems that still smile by the end of the day.GOOD LUCK, peace and LOVE!

  • JulieGolightly

    Keep up the spirit brother! You, and only you can do this! It sounds like you are well on your way: accepting your problem is the very hardest step. Your rehab-visits has become more and more frequent as well meaning you are desperate to get over it. Everyday is a battle so Youve got to be a warrior. You were not put on this planet to feel uncomfortable with yourself, thats just a sign that you have not yet found your right element, your place and space in time where YOU are right. There is a divinity in the beauty of nature and of life, a force greater than yourself and your problems. When you learn to float with that force you will see that there is no problems to big to solve. That nothing that the universe throws upon you is too much to bare. That feeling is sweet and makes life just as special and exciting that it should be.

    Using drugs, especially heroin, you get completely numbed off all this beauty, your eyes goes blind to anything outside of your own world and it is a lonely, horrible place to be. The answer my friend must come from within, you have to snap that switch in your mind to let the light back in. Once you have I promise you will feel at ease.

    Surround yourself with the comforting embrace of nature, youll swing in to the rythm of the trees, the breeze, the sun, and all the life around you. There you will meet GOD in every little particle around you and realize that you are just a tiny part of it all. The intelligence of nature cant miss. YOU were not put here to feel pain and agony. So never stop fighting these habitual boundaries because in your mind you are free, at any time!

    ONWARDS and UPWARDS, my friend! I believe in you and remember there are people everywhere who has suffered the hardest pains of the planet but still goes to bed with a smile on there face.

  • http://twitter.com/theFermiParadox Carson McKnight

    Opiate Heroin addiction is tough to quit. It's much more than the physical withdrawals. The feeling from opiates/Heroin allows you to maintain full consciousness, but also withdraw into a secure, cocoon-like state of physical and emotional painlessness. Heroin is seen as an escape to tranquility, a liberation from anxiety and stress: it is a way out of the drudgery of life. The feeling is like no other and feels so normal at the same time. I have been off of it for 3 years now and doing well, but I still have days were I reminisce of my rituals and the feeling. It was like giving up a best friend. Another poster is right. It's not as much about drugs but how you feel. You find a cure to the anxiety of existence and now you have to give it up.

  • sims321

    how are you?

  • lucy24588

    Rest in peace Ben......

    I am 6 months clean off herion now, and am 23 years old. Your story has touched but also shocked me. I never want to go back there and watching this has instilled it even more in to my head. So thank you Ben R.I.P
    And my prayers go out to the family.

  • lolotart

    ihave gone to NA meeting and after it make want to use again because you hear the people storys and trhey take about there using NA meets is a triger for me so i dont go

  • lolotart

    an addicted will use anythink to start using again stop blaiming your self it nnot you and so sorry for your loss

  • susieq6000

    To MRMOJORISIN11
    I'm so glad to see you get through your hard times. I've followed your comments for a few months and can see you have a good heart but just struggling to remain clean. Suicide is never a good option. It hurts so many people, even ones you wouldn't think of. "I" care, and I'm a stranger to you! I'm going to watch this site every couple of months and fully believe the next time you post something you will be posting that you're still clean and doing even better! I believe you can do this!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/laurel.paxton.3 Laurel Paxton

    excuse me thomas...i am a mother of a wonderful 22 years old who has been battling with this disease. u r fortunate that u could quit everthing so easily and i am happy for you,,,my son and others have not been so fortunate or more than likley have very different issues with their brains...you must be quite young still in age and knowledge. people who suffer from addiction are in the throes of something very powerful and yes, it has been horrible for me to see my wonderful, loving and talented son embark on this horrible path and it has been very painful and if i could do something to have it different i would; however he is bearing the worst part of it all. my heart goes out every day for anyone addicted and until we all become more compassionate, less judgemental and more educated the horrible abuse of body soul and lives will go on and on.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shauna.w.henson Shauna Wilmot Henson

    Ok, here is the situation. I brought my 22 yr old baby cousin to my home to try to help him get clean. We are day 3 and while with his Dad yesterday evening he tried to take off. I am a RN so managing his physical withdrawals hasn't been too much of a problem. He is being quite open with me when he starts feeling bad or worse, if he is having diarrhea, if he is getting "itchy" or starting to have pain. I was up front with him when I brought him out here that I was here to support him and do whatever he needed to continue to stay clean. I told him the rules up front and he agreed: no calls from drug friends, no contact with the ex-gf who has a restraining order on him and coaxed him to start doing the heroin, he is to keep his room and bathroom clean, and he is to continue to be open with me regardless if it is good or bad. Over the last 24 hours he has told me a lot of things that none of us knew. He had just started using 3 months ago when he moved in with the ex-gf, he has not always used clean needles but have not used anyone else's but ones he used, said he found out when he moved in the gf he found out she has Hep C and has continued having unprotected sex. So we have an appt to get him screened for Hep/HIV/STDs. He has goals he would like to obtain in life and we are working on a plan together to get there. Guess my question is: Does anyone have any other suggestions for me to help him get off the Heroin, stay off the Heroin without a lot of fighting. So far emotionally when he is with me, he just has crying spells. He told his Dad he doesn't like to be away from me because he is comfortable and doesn't feel like he is being judged. If I have something I have to do, I have him go with me. If I have somewhere I have to go, he goes if possible if not I take him to his Dad so he is not unsupervised. Any suggestions for anything else to help him would be greatly appreciated.

  • Chilidog9578

    This is one of the saddest documentaries I have ever seen. I think because I know what he was chasing. What Ben was after. That moment when you feel like you are wrapped in a warm electric blanket. You feel loved. You feel in the moment. You feel happy. Until your dealer runs out or you lose your job and everything you've worked for so you can buy your medicine. I think there is a lot of truth to the line in the movie where she said it's not sustainable, it's not a way to live. That is the only reason anyone ever has to quit, if they are able to see that it is not conducive to life. You will not be able to ever balance something that takes up that much focus in your day is bound to get in the way
    of your life.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/TDPNTHMRYILNPYWCLB4RB3IXWY TaylorL

    you really need to get him to start going to NA meetings, have him find a sponsor and start working the steps. I am a recovering herion addict and any recovering addict will tell you that for the rest of our lives we are going to need our "medicine" that medicine is the steps that can only be worked with a sponsor and by going to meetings. He needs to find a higher power and surrender to his addiction. It's not easy, but there he will be able to find people he can relate to with years of clean time who can help him along the way, and love him till he loves himself. remember, on day at a time!

  • mikem

    I hope that he is in a better place now. I am writing a book about 4 alcoholics and their journey over a year. My prayers go to his family an the amazing love and compassion they must have had. What a miracle. I have been clean and sober for almost 90 days and in recovery since August 2010. I pray if you are struggling with drugs and /or alcohol. Please please come to an Alcoholics Anonymous. Cocaine Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous meeting. We have a solution and there is hope for us all ! Just Google any of the above and find a meeting near to you or call the local helpline.

    God Bless

  • Ruth

    Such a sad documentary that will perhaps make people less judgemental and show not all addicts come from unsettled backgrounds.
    I intend to show my son this documentary at 12 in hopes drugs will not a appear glamorous.
    To Ben's family , hopefully this documentary will help people, addicts and families or even those curious. Your family support was exemplary, I wish you well, Ruth.

  • Jason

    I'm just getting off methadone and have lived that life myself! My little brother is in heaven with Ben, he died of an overdose. God loves us all and most of the junkies I've known in my life are really great people.

  • Chilidog9578

    Jason, may I ask, how has it been coming down off the methadone? I am on it myself because my doctor overprescribed oxycontin to me and I became an unwilling addict. When I came off the oxycontin I've never been sicker in my life. I'm concerned about what coming off the methadone is going to be like. Thanks.

  • lesli

    I've been on opiates for almost 15 yrs...mostly methadone. The easiest way to detox Is very slowly. 1-5 mgs per wk. I tapered to 20 mgs then cold turkey. I have never been so sick. I started doing heroin to ease the methadone withdrawl. I was doing heroin for a month and a half and went into detox 21 days ago. When I got outta detox I went on suboxone. I've been off suboxone 3 days and am determined to stay off opiates. I wish u luck in getting off the methadone. Its not easy and the hardest and longest detoxes of any opiates. The slower u taper off of it the easier it will b. Good luck

  • Or Bairey-Sehayek

    Heroin is a nightmare. It makes you eat yourself from the inside and hands you the proverbial spoon to do it with. You can do any drug in the world a million times, but once that dope hits your throat you know deep in your heart that you've found what will make you feel brilliantly, exuberantly alive and also be your dry, absolute end.

    I've been clean over 19 months and I must say getting clean and staying sober has been both the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever accomplished. When I reached detox I weighed 81 lbs - a malnourished, dehydrated shell of a person. Anyone reading this who uses drugs - you don't have to suffer anymore. At some point you'll decide you've had enough, that you don't want to do this anymore. The only question is, will you make that choice too late?

    Much love and openness in your lives.

  • DearBee06

    so sad, I feel so bad for him and his family
    :(

  • DigiWongaDude

    [This is a contentious post, that may put the hackles up of some (apologies). If you don't agree with what I'm saying, please watch this doc again (having read this info) before replying. Thanks for reading.]

    Hi there DearBee06, having seen a lot of this kind of thing, you should pay particular attention to the energy that is drained from the unconditional loving family. Spot, particularly, the focus this lad has on himself. "I'm such a failure", "I'm no use to anyone", "I'm trying so hard". It's not the effort or failure that's the problem. It's the use of the word 'I', and the inability to think beyond oneself for any period of time.

    It is my experience that anyone (ANYONE) you meet who is that self centred (as opposed to selfish) is cause for alarm. Indeed the only one who can save them is themselves.

    [Edit: or religion, since the underlying lesson there is learning to think in terms of something bigger than themselves. A better therapy might be to give a person who can not look beyond themselves an animal to care of that can not look after itself and will in turn give back gratitude the perception of love. If you only address the chemical addiction and not the psychology underlying it, then the addiction will be replaced as the self centred behaviour takes hold once again.]

    Drug addiction causes this self centred-ness to escalate, since the driving force becomes the need to feed the addiction. But some are already primed and inclined that way and they too easily fall in to addiction (shopping, gambling etc.) If you find people like this in your life...distance yourself, as they will drain your positive energy till it is gone and then move on the next pitying candidate.

    It's not that I don't have sympathy, believe me I've been in the thick of it, it's that I have never seen recovery once that path has been trodden, unless the self has become less important - any help that is given simply perpetuates and feeds the parasitic disease. Look out for the 'I's - assuredly good advice ;-)

  • tammie

    This is so sad for the family but a real eye opener for me as I have a friend that is using and this diary has made me realise how sick my friend is I'm worried for him and I hope his family don't go thru what bens family did I may sound selfish but I need to cut all ties with the person I know because I feel like I'm becoming a victim as I get manipulated lied to and I thought it was me doing and saying wrong things but I now know it's all part if herion users behaviour and I shouldn't have to put myself through that can soneone please tell me if I'm being selfish

  • scouse

    Yes you are. Numbers show that the most sucessfull cases of abstinence are those who have great support and backing. I work in the drug and alcohol field and support, help and guidance is the best medicine. Know when you are being played and talk about to your friend. Let them know they are being unreasonable but stick with them cause when they need a friend you must be there. A friend in need is a friend indeed!

  • NATASHAN

    soooooooo sad cant even to watch

  • Scott A. Reid

    Incredible! I am one of your fellows in recovery. GLAD you pulled out of the death-spin!
    If you write with the same passion and affinity you show in this response, then your future is bright, my friend.

  • Stacey Leigh Princess Powell

    This was so sad but it gives people an out look that any body from any backgrond be addict and to know how hard can be to come away from it rest in peace ben xxxxxx

  • susieq6000

    BetsMcGee, I think you were responding to me....but just so you know, I'm "not" a "born again junkie" as you stated and I don't do "any" drugs and haven't in over 35 years (and even then it was just mainly pot). You should reserve your "judgements" if you don't know who/what you're talking about!

  • disqus_AJjuLwGw5U

    I know it's an old post, but I've just seen this doc and was reading the comments. Just wanna share something with you - please do some research on ayahuasca or ibogaine - you can even find some docs about them on this website, I believe. They are plant medicines, I've never used them, but I heard so many things and I know they have great effects when it comes to curing addictions as well as other issues you've described in your posts. Good luck.

  • Top Marks

    If you have never seen recovery, I suggest strongly that you research, open your eyes!. Get out of the gestalt mode. Watch out for the I's??. How many drugs is Ben addicted to? I would like to know where you get your information from and the fact that you are trying to give advice to others is purely wrong I do hope you are not a member of the B.A.C.P?. You obviously know nothing about addictions so your comment is irrelevant and so very wrong!.

  • DigiWongaDude

    Wrong. Very wrong, and then wrong some more. But thanks for your response and good luck to you.

  • Bo

    You are totally wrong.

    I get that you are entitled to your opinion, but what you are posing as fact goes against what medical and addiction specialists tell people to do. That alone speaks volumes.

    I hope nobody listens to this opinion(again, nothing more than that - an opinion of a passerby who is not knowledgeable about the subject at hand). Unless you have been trained or actually are an addict, you do not know. I don't say this to be rude or hurt or exclude anyone, but it's the reality of the situation. Your personal feelings and view on addiction is not relevant when you don't know about what you're looking at in the first place. I hear so often, "I know a person", or "my friend's/aunt's/brother's whoever is/was an addict, and..." blahblah. It means nothing.

    Also, sweeping generalizations about any group of people are always wrong to go by. You and everyone else should keep this in mind. I know I always try to.

  • Bo

    Congrats, dude. Keep it up & good luck to you.

  • Bo

    Suboxone is notoriously the easiest to get off of. It's better to be on methadone than heroin, of course, but because of the super long half-life, the withdrawal lasts that much longer. & as anyone who has been there knows, unlike in the movies(um hello, remember that episode of House? & god don't get me started on the whole "opiates causing delusions" mockery, like seriously, do some research jesus ahh ok I digress), even withdrawal from a short-term opiate will result in more than a damn single night's pain... we're talking over a week on average to really feel any better. Not to mention, it takes even longer to feel at all close to "normal" again - I'm only talking about not being in immense, insufferable acute withdrawal and pain! Forget sleeping through a night or feeling an ounce of genuine happiness for a few months after stopping.

    I wish people were better(or rather, more honestly and openly) educated about this stuff. The more you know! ...seriously, though.

  • Bo

    People will be judgmental as long as there is such a stigma attached to it. Open and honest discussion about it is the only thing that will help. Educate, educate, educate.

    We can only hope people will try to understand and help one another. Just gotta keep working toward that.

  • Bo

    Agreed, that is selfish. No offense! I just, y'know... you asked, so. Heh!

    You should be there for them. The more they slip away from sober friends(who are very inclined to do just what you're thinking of doing - pushing them away), the more they hold onto fellow addicts, and that culture is difficult to escape from. Like as a way of life, I mean.

    You'd be surprised how much it helps an addict to have a non-addict friend who is willing to help them, instead of being quick to lose them.

    But hey, we're not all big people, and we don't always feel like going the extra mile for people. Most people would, and do, give up on addicts. With all the stigma, it's viewed as okay, when really it's no more okay than turning a blind eye to starving people, and so on(which people also do all the time).

    I'm only saying that it IS selfish. That doesn't mean you NEED to stay or go. That depends on who you are, as a person. Most people aren't "good" people, imo. So I wouldn't be surprised if you ignored my post and the other person's post and ditched on this person anyway. No offense intended - it's just what I have seen and I know that it's the reality of the world we live in, sadly.

    But I do hope you do what's right, and help another human being. I mean, if you can stand up & be a good person simply by remaining this person's friend, then... why wouldn't you?

  • Tammie

    Well guess what I'm still here for him even though I have been lied to many times and used but I'm still here so it works out I'm not selfish

  • Bo

    That is awesome. I am glad.

    I was only answering you, though. So relax, heh. No offense was ever intended. I promise.

    You can be their friend and still set boundaries, by the way. Don't let them in your house or leave your belongings(purse, phone, etc.) within their reach if they have stolen from you before.

    Basically, do not ditch out just because they use drugs. But stealing is something else. It may be much more likely to make them steal, but it is ultimately up to the person to steal or not.

    Talk to your friend. Lay your boundaries down clearly, and let them know you mean it. Tell them you want to stay in their life and be there for them, but they need to treat you like a friend if they want that. If they need money they can ask, not steal. If they need help they can talk to you, not avoid you and get mentally backed into a corner until they use. And on, and on, and on.

    It won't be easy, but hey, no friendship ever is in the first place!

    Good luck, stranger. I hope things work out, and I really want you and your friend to get along. Some day, let's both hope they will get & stay clean. It's not easy - far from it. But it's not impossible, either.

    Tc - you & your friend alike.